Victorious spring

         It has been a year since the war in Ukraine began. It was a big shock for all of us. Nobody thought that Russia would invade so soon. The first days were like in a blur. I was only 15, a teenager. The endless air-raid sirens I'd heard in the movies became reality and I wasn't ready for it. I think nobody was. But the scariest thing was to realise that your life had been turned upside down in just one night, and all your plans, dreams, everything you had built was ruined. But I tried not to panic. I wanted to be strong for my little sister, my parents, my friends, because that was what I was supposed to do. Maybe in a way it worked, but certainly this teenager with big dreams and plans died and deep inside I became scared and unsure of my own life.

It was dangerous to stay in my town, so we decided to move to another one. We didn't really have a plan at first. I have to say that it was really risky even to drive, because you never know if you will make it alive or not. The Russians bomb everything. Luckily my mum got a phone number from a volunteer who helps Ukrainians.

-Good morning. My name is Mary. We need your help.

-I am sorry for what has happened. I will help your family. Tell me where you are.

-We are on our way to Ternopil (Western Ukraine).

-Do you speak German?

-Yes, I learned it for 2 years in Ukraine.

-Great. I know a family in Hamburg who help refugees. I will call them and tell them about your situation.

-Thank you very much!

-Don't worry. I will call you back as soon as I have any information.

By now we had arrived in Ternopil. My dad insisted on buying 3 tickets for us to Poland, but he had to stay in Ukraine. To be honest, I wasn't really worried at first because I didn't understand what was happening, but as soon as we got on the bus to Warsaw and had to say goodbye, I realised that I didn't know how long I was going for, when I was coming back, what I was going to do and most importantly, when this nightmare was going to end. Can someone just wake me up and tell me that everything is alright? Realising these things and saying goodbye to my dad and country really broke my heart but I had to be strong for my sister and mum because now we are on our own.

The volunteer gave me the number of the host family and I called them. An old woman answered. She seemed quite nice, her name was Sally. She asked us about our school, family and also gave her husband's (Max) phone number. She assured us that they would help us and that we could stay in their house for some time. We were really grateful. When we arrived in Warsaw we got tickets to Hamburg. It was a really long journey, in the train I told our host family where we were and late in the evening they picked us up at the main train station. That was how we got to Germany.

Living with a host family wasn't easy. I was busy because even though there was a war in our country, all the lessons were online, so there was a lot of work to do. Sally wasn't really happy about it. She was in her early 60s and lacked some communication. But usually our conversations didn't end well because they  always started talking  about politics and we had different opinions. We didn't live there for very long. A good family helped us to find a new flat in another town, which wasn't far from Hamburg. Even though we had arguments with our host family, we are really grateful for what they did for us.

I missed Ukraine every day, I missed my family, my friends, my old life. The relief is that my mother and sister were by my side, so at least I am not all alone here. Still, I think it is not fair. A lot of people are living their normal lives and mine has become a nightmare, but I hate to say that. A lot of people in Ukraine are in much worse conditions than we are, but leaving my country in young age as a refugee, facing with loads of documents and other paperwork in Germany, arguing with people who say that this war is right, made me feel exhausted and as a consequence I don't expect anything good from people, vice versa for me it wouldn't be surprising if someone criticises me for who I am or just wish my family bad. Building a new life in a new country is difficult. After talking to my grandparents and my best friend online, I felt miserable because I couldn't hug them right now, but I had to figure out what to do next. We've tried to laugh and make good memories, but these problems don't just leave you. That miserable state comes back and reminds you of how many problems there are in the world.

It is spring outside. The birds are singing beautifully every day, which really reminds me of Ukraine. It has been more than a year since we arrived in Germany. It was the longest and the fastest year at the same time. My sister and I go to school and my mum is learning German in an integration course. Life is getting back to normal. We call our family and friends in Ukraine every day. Every week we go to demonstrations in support of Ukraine and organise charity concerts, where I usually sing to raise money for Ukrainian hospitals. I am even starting to make some plans for my future. I know for sure that Ukraine will win and children will no longer sleep in bomb shelters and soldiers will return to their families. Step by step I try to appreciate the good moments that life gives. Spring has been taken away from us, but in its place will come a victorious spring with the incredible singing of birds, and I will do everything in my power to make it happen.