It went "boom"

When the “explosion” happened, Jeff had not been ready for it, but in his heart of hearts he knew it was a foregone conclusion…

Jeff’s natural state is hunched over a computer, whether it’s for his job, or for his usual hobbies, which involve computer-generated worlds in which he blew the hell out of his fellow players or hunted demons with them. So his current location (pottery class) was a rather last minute and unexpected change of pace and place. He had actually been making his way through the community centre, out of his computer club meeting and towards the exit when *he* crossed Jeff’s path. No idea what the handsome bearded man’s name or age was (39ish?), but in the one glance that the man shared with Jeff, Jeff knew he had to find out his name. It felt like one of those love at first sight things.

Thus why Jeff abruptly headed into the pottery class, and he stupidly asked the teacher if he could attend, and next thing he knew he was sitting in front of a pottery wheel, which had what looked like a muddy elephant’s foot.

Jeff watched the pottery teacher’s demonstration, but the teacher was obviously a wizard, as the elephant foot was converted into a cylinder, then into what seemed a squat cylindrical vase and then somehow finally became a brown but graceful vase that spun on its axis like an ice skater would.

Jeff was honestly trying to grasp what the teacher had demonstrated, but between watching the pottery teacher and the handsome bearded man at one of the wheels, Jeff’s knowledge of what to do next was very cloudy.

So with tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth, Jeff tried to gently work his foot on the wheel’s electric pedal while his two clumsy hands tried to keep the elephant foot from flying off the wheel. But to him it felt like he was learning to drive again, which in itself was a terrible memory of 12 attempts at passing the driving test. He was sure he only passed because the driving examiner was sick at the sight of him!

His other classmates seemed to also be involved in their own wrestling match with their own elephant feet, and from time to time Jeff stole glances at the handsome man at work.

It was during one of these stolen glances when the handsome man looked up and noticed Jeff staring. The man gave a friendly smile and nod, and Jeff tried to smile nonchalantly back without trying to look like a weirdo for staring. But it was at this time that Jeff’s hands and feet betrayed him: he was so busy trying to not-so-gormlessly smile at the man that he accidentally squeezed the top of the squat "vase" too hard, and at the same time his foot pressed down hard on the wheel pedal.

So in one quick instant Jeff was trying to death-squeeze the top part of the “vase”, while at the same time the bottom part decided it had enough of the abuse, and used the spinning wheel to launch its muddy self across the room!

Jeff went muddy very quickly, as did two of his nearby classmates! And in that same instant that this happened, Jeff saw a look of utter surprise on the handsome man’s face, before Jeff tore his attention away to try and control the disaster.

But Jeff, forgetting himself, let go of the clay he had in his hands as he tried to look for an off switch for the wheel that didn’t exist (try the pedal Jeff!), and this chunk of clay thudded onto the still-spinning wheel and was launched with a thwack back into Jeff, his chest, his eyes, everywhere…

Once Jeff’s foot finally left the pedal, the wheel quickly stopped, and all you could hear was everyone’s heavy breathing, and quiet sobbing, presumably from one of his nearby classmates/victims.

Jeff blindly felt for napkins, and felt some of them placed in his hand while his pottery teacher said “Take these and clean your eyes..." So he did, and when he could see again, he saw people snickering, or looking at their own clay as if it were going to attack them. (And he did see a rather muddy classmate crying and leaving the room!)

Jeff felt his face grow hot as the teacher said “Class, this is why you must always keep a close eye on your own project, and don’t put your whole foot on top of the pedal, else you’ll forget yourself and end up with a muddy Jackson Pollock, like Jeff here has done.”

“Those of you that are still clean, continue with your vases. Those of you who are muddy are welcome to clean yourselves. And can anyone please help Jeff? I’m afraid he needs to clean up himself, and I feel he’ll need some guidance to restart his vase.”

At these words guffaws escaped from some classmates, and Jeff wanted to be swallowed up by the earth. So he busied himself by gazing at his own messy limbs and shirt, and he headed to the sink and dabbed at the mud. 

A few minutes and lots of paper napkins later, he bravely grabbed a fresh lump of clay and plopped it onto his wheel. But Jeff now looked at the clay the way a snake charmer would look at a cobra that had bitten him. Unsure if he had it in him to try again, he just glared at the clay, but the clay seemed unbothered.

As he debated the various ways to exit the class without being seen, he heard a voice say “Hi Jeff, can I help you with getting started again?”

So Jeff came back to reality and to his surprise and delight, it was the handsome bearded man!

“Uhh, hi! Uhh… yes please, I’m afraid I am not sure if I have the clay in the middle, and am not sure I can stomach starting up the wheel again!”

“Haha no worries, I’ll help you out. My name is David by the way, nice to meet you!”

“Nice to meet you!” said Jeff, trying to look suave despite looking like a mess.

So David picked up the elephant’s foot and heavily plopped it back onto the middle of the wheel and said “You need to ensure that the clay sticks to the wheel, and that it’s centered, which is why I have heavily dropped it into the middle of the wheel.”

“Now, I need you to very gently put pressure on the pedal, and we’ll see if the clay is centered and actually stays stuck!”

“Uhhh, OK” Jeff mumbled, and prayed to the pottery and driving gods that his foot would obey.

So like a very slow record player, the wheel lazily spun, and David prompted Jeff with his hand to add some more speed.

So Jeff did, and then tried to stick his thumbs into the top of the clay clump while slowly shaping it, to try to form a cylinder again.

“That’s good Jeff, but let me guide you as you’re in danger of turning your cylinder into a cone with the way you’re holding the clay.”

So to Jeff's surprise, David pulled up a chair behind him, and placed his own hands over Jeff’s! (Kind of like in that old movie with that man and the woman and the pottery wheel, whatever the hell it’s called.)

Jeff was both thrilled and panicked, as his own hands felt like clumsy fleshy paddles, whereas David’s gentle grip on his own hands seem to know what the hell they were doing.

Jeff is a geek, but also a gentleman, so he was trying to keep it together and not act like a pervert as his crush held him in his arms. And while the vase slowly came into being under the gentle guidance of David, Jeff felt like he was on cloud 9.

But then David said, “Jeff, I couldn’t help but notice that at around the time of the muddy ‘incident’ you were staring at me a bit?”

“Uhh, well, uhh… I mean I uhh…” Jeff mumbled.

“Jeff, do you like what you see?”

At this Jeff’s heart felt like it was trying to escape the room via his throat, and all he could do was lick his dry lips and croak “Well, uhh, you’re quite nice…”

“Ah thank you Jeff!” David said. There was a brief pause (during which Jeff tried to keep it together) and then David lowered his voice and said “How about we do dinner after this, or a drink, just to see how we get along away from clay?”

And yes, dear reader, as you can imagine, when Jeff heard this, his foot again dropped heavily on the wheel’s pedal, and as I mentioned at the beginning, when the “explosion” happened, Jeff had not been ready for it, but in his heart of hearts he knew it was a foregone conclusion… but was it the clay, or was it his heart, that went boom?