Backward Spiral: A short story by M.J. Palladino

Backward Spiral: A short story by M.J. Palladino

It was an early sunset on a Thursday in March. Specks of dust fluttered about in the light seeping through the window. A box of clothes sat sunbathing on the bed, waiting to be moved. Just then, the doorknob twisted, and a young adult entered. She looked down at a small sheet of paper in her hand, her eyes scanning it. At the top, it read, “Thalia’s to-do list.” After a brief moment, she crumpled the paper and tossed it into a nearby wastebasket. She gazed at the box for a bit before picking it up. She took a deep breath before leaving the room. Spring had just arrived, and that meant deep cleaning was to be done. This woman, Thalia, was on her way to donate some old clothes to charity. She opened the trunk of her car and gently set the box inside. She then closed the trunk with a mellow bang. The sound was oddly satisfying, as were the car keys starting the engine. Her booted foot pressed the pedal and she was off.

As she was driving, many thoughts were going through Thalia’s head. She thought of her younger years, not being able to drive. Look at her now, driving a periwinkle minivan. She thought of the many marks on the doorframe depicting her height year to year, of the well-cherished teddy bear that sat lovingly on her bed, of her slow progression towards life itself. It was as if her brain was thinking backwards as she drove. Enter the flashbacks…

Five years old, the start of a huge adventure in velcro sneakers. Everything felt pink. Under the influence of cotton candy and jelly beans, all was seemingly perfect. It was ridiculously easy to make friends at that age. Little pink marshmallows with mixed emotions.

Eight years old, pink is replaced with yellow. Sunshine dances with the sidewalk as tricycles ride. Things are clearer than they once were. With their Band-Aids and laced sneakers, they might as well be playground royalty.

Ten years old, yellow saturates and becomes orange. Struts in their steps and backward baseball caps, they are ready to express, not impress. But here’s a little secret: Sometimes that saying gets switched around. They sometimes yearn to impress, not express. Young ones. They can get obsequious.

At fourteen orange shifts to red. Open the fear files. They could be at any corner. They are chlorine and potassium. The results are explosions. Those combat boots could walk all over an unfortunate somebody. Proceed with caution.

Sixteen. Everything turned blue before fading to gray. It’s funny how one moment, one traumatic event can upset the colors in one’s life. That hopeless feeling. It’s so weird how one person can change so much about you. How much one person could scatter you to pieces.

Suddenly, and abruptly, came the memories Thalia was trying so hard to forget. These memories flashed so strongly they should come with the “flashing lights may affect photosensitive viewers” warning. She slammed on the brakes and pulled over. She stumbled out of her vehicle, gasping as if she had just seen multiple ghosts. Hands shaking, slumping down on the grass, salty tears poured down from her eyes. Sobs came down like thunder. She felt so small, like children hiding in a trench coat. It didn't feel like she was an adult at all.

But Is it really possible to be bad at adulting?

Is it really possible to move on? It was always two steps forward and one step back. But here’s a thought: That is still a step forward. A little voice in the back of Thalia’s brain was reassuring her, letting her know that everything would be alright.

It will all be okay.

She rose from the ground and dusted herself off. She breathed for a moment before continuing her task, which was more important than she thought it was.

Upon arriving at the thrift store, which felt miles away, a sense of relief was diffused. Thalia took the box of clothes from the trunk and stopped at the entrance of the building. She glanced down at her old clothes. The little voice whispered to her once more.

“You are making the right decision,” it seemed to say. “It’s time to move on. It’s for the best.”

She entered the building. A teenage employee, not much older than Thalia, with a name tag that read “Allison”, greeted her at the front. Her blonde hair glistened in the sunlight beaming from an open window.

“Can I help you?” She asked.

“Yes.” Thalia answered. “These are for donation.” She handed the box to Allison.

“Super!” Allison smiled cheerfully. “These will make wonderful donations!”

“Thank you.” Thalia murmured.

“No problem…” Allison’s voice trailed off as she stared into Thalia’s placid eyes.

“Are… are you okay?”

Thalia tipped her head to one side. “Of course I am.” She replied. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Allison set the box of clothes on the front desk. Without warning, she hugged Thalia.

“No you aren’t.” Allison contradicted. “But that’s okay. Everyone has their own inner battles to fight. And I hope that you win yours, Thalia.”

Thalia recoiled slightly. “How do you…?” She began, but found the question unnecessary. A smile gently landed in its proper position as she was filled with the warm embrace of euphoria. She had been loved before by many different people, and was called many sweet things many times before. But right now in this moment was something she had never felt before. Yet she had been waiting to hear such words for years. No adjective could describe this feeling. We will leave it at “Je ne sais quoi.”

The drive home was tranquil. The stars twinkled and danced in the vast night sky. Crickets sang their love songs with subduing voices.The car window was open just enough for all this to drift inside. Thalia took it all in. The end of the day brought many things to her, the majority of them being unexpected. Someone in her life banished the colors in her world, and a completely different someone opened the gate to let them back in. They are not back quite yet, but Thalia had hopes. Hopes that somewhere in the near future, she would be laughing and as joyful as she had once been. For anyone asking, it was many years before she saw Allison again, but Thalia would remain entirely grateful to the girl who brought sense back into her world.

That night, when Thalia closed her eyes and drifted into the stellar universe of her dreams, Allison was there, and stayed there for many nights to come. This goes to show that even people who are there for the shortest of time can have the largest impact.