The Door Towards Self-fulfillment

                                                  The Door towards Self-fulfillment

                                                              By Darwin Fil Deloria               

 Mid-June of 2005. 12:00 o’clock high noon. The temperature of the sun was at its peak. The well-dressed medium-framed lean man on his 30’s was walking in fast pace along Reposo Street in Makati City under the scorching heat of the sun as he made his way to a leading book publication. His knees buckled a bit as he had been in long travel most of the time the whole morning from Ortigas to Quezon City to Makati City, and the reason too that he had been in long walks the previous days since arriving in Manila from Negros island three months earlier as he tried to submit all his written works: from screenplays to novelettes to comic strips to composed songs.

  That guy was me. I was 17 when I started to dream and shape my life’s goals. I was decided -- very much decided…very determined and hopeful. At 17, I already had finally chosen the course of action I wish to take in life and I knew and felt right there and then what I exactly wanted to achieve and accomplish: to be a successful writer and musician.

 After graduating in high school, I faced two different doors to enter leading to different pathways in life. One is to proceed to college and the other was to start the pursuit of my heart’s ardent desire. I opted the second door and began my long adventurous struggle to success.

 It took me 18 years to get my big break and finally realize one of my ultimate teenhood dreams. I am a self-taught writer-composer from Negros Oriental, Philippines who has struggled for nearly two decades trying to find my spot in this world and build a lifetime career before I would say goodbye to bachelorship. I started out writing novelettes, short stories and songs at the age of 14, then set out to begin my venture at 17 to try to find the perfect avenue to showcase my talents, test my skills and possibly make a living from any of it.

 I live in one of the municipalities in the province of Oriental Negros where my paternal grandpa once reign as Town Mayor. My native Negros island is miles away from Manila which is the country’s capital and of course, the center of commerce for all huge business. And relocating to that big city where the fulfilment of my dream lies was my primary concern and topmost obstacle. I have no much close relatives there who could warmly accommodate me while I am working out my purpose. I really have no definite place to dwell in Manila.

 But after high school in 1988 I made my first biggest decision in life and sailed to Manila to try to sell out all my written materials in hand --- from written stories for comics, pocketbooks and films to written songs. But lack of proper support and without the clear idea where to exactly start and whom to approach, my first daring year-round venture yielded frustrations and total failure. I went back home in Negros and just continued in developing my crafts while attending college education at Silliman University.

 Early in 1990 I moved back to Manila to try my luck for the second occasion. But it was just a replica of the first attempt. More frustrations and more difficult times. I even had to work in a lumber company in Meycauayan, Bulacan for three months just to survive and sustain my stay. Yet all the sacrifices and efforts were worthless which forced me to go back home to re-gather my contain and recharge myself up. My third venture in Manila in 1992 became a little better as I made friends with a 48-year-old screenwriter, comics and fan magazine writer and newspaper columnist who gave me the chance to write in one of his comics’ column. It was somehow a good start but still my situation in Manila was of big factor. My little earnings out of writing was still not sufficient to sustain my daily basic needs and much more in renting a small room for myself. I just survived the whole year by hopping from one friend’s house to another for a safe night’s rest --- believe it or not. It was one whole year of tremendous sacrifice and hardship inside the big city driving me to sail back home again.

 Then from November 1993 to February 1995 big humps along my way put my journey to success into a sudden swerve. I was into a more frustrating ordeal and got stuck in a heartbreaking and immobile situation for one year and two months. But God is so good and gave me a second chance. After the dust settled, I cleared my vision then brought back life’s wheel to the right course and proceeded on.

 On 1996 I sailed back to Manila to make another try on my elusive dreams. But eventually it was another failure as I still l could not find the right people to work for or work with. At first I thought I was already on the right track as I had a good place to dwell inside Fort Bonifacio’s BOQ of the Philippine Naval station and I was also in communication with a quite known female TV Newscaster who promised assistance in submitting my works. Very promising. But communication was later cut short by her secretary as my short notes, beeper messages and phone calls were not properly transmitted and relayed. Eventually our line of contact was cut-off and I was back on square one leaving me no choice but to go home in Negros. I stayed in my hometown, hang around and spent most of 1997 in total quandary.

 On 1998 I got back to Manila. This time my editor-friend (the one I met in 1992) crossed my path once more and introduced me to a known movie director connected at Regal Films. The meeting quickly had given me a movie career as screenwriter. I was inexplicably happy as I thought it was the start for much bigger opportunities. But my happiness was short-lived as I came in too late. The Philippine Cinema was already lying on its sick bed by that time. I was only able to make one re-shot film before the industry collapsed the following year. Action pictures, which was my forte, was no longer considered for filming as producers were saddled with the spiraling production cost. That, closed the door of my written action scripts in hand which are---modesty aside, not of the typical ‘Pinoy’ dish.

 I turned to music but my musical composition brought me nowhere either as the Philippine music companies were crazy about and focusing on revivals and revisions of old songs. My music, which is dominantly a mixture of pop and jazz, were commented not marketable for Filipino audience by the second music company I entered, while the first company I approached said they had no artist that can interpret or that would perfectly suit on my composition. They advised me to produce my own album – which is impossible for me. Thus, shut my door to success again. My only consolation so far as a composer was to pass the strict evaluation board of the Filipino Society of Composers (FILSCAP) in 1998 and became a member of that prestigious society where known songwriters of the country belong. That proved once and for all that my music was of good quality too.

 With nowhere to go and no possible project to expect, I flew back home in 2000 and tried my hand on an Arts and Signs business with a cousin. The business was running good but my cousin was doing bad and so unfocused that I decided to break-away after a year and joined a music band for a while as vocalist. But it was not a good earning ground either. Dumaguete City is already filled with live bands --- all squeezing for a schedule in those few bars in the city. My bandmates were contented with the flow. I was not. My heart was craving for something ---something more fulfilling...more satisfying...more worthwhile. Something that can patch up all the bad loses, misses and imperfection of life.

 And dreams are dreams. Life is like a broken-winged bird that cannot fly if we will not holdfast to our dreams. Whatever cherished dream we have inside our every heart, we will always be craving to achieve. So we have to act, not only dream. As what Roy H. Williams say, “Our actions are all that separate our daydreams from our goals”. So by February of 2005, I decided to try my luck once more in the big city after five years of laying low, and again try to find a good entryway for any of my written materials.

Four months later, I stumbled on a newspaper ad calling out for writers. I found out it was a book publication in need of new writers with new ideas. I asked for details and a day after, I came back with a proposed book project which was immediately approved.

 Finally after 18 years, I got my biggest break when I published my first inspirational book on December 2005. This book had its second printing in June 2007. On December 2008, I also released my second book. These two published books were briefly featured in the country’s leading newspaper -- the Philippine Daily Inquirer, and all available at any National Bookstore branch nationwide. Also on that same year of 2008 I penetrated the local print media and started out a career as local journalist up to the present time.

 My success, modesty aside, made me one of the two first published authors in my hometown and in the city of Dumaguete in the province of Negros Oriental, Philippines. Finally I got my “ fair share” of good times and an opportunity to share back my talents and create something that can outlast life and that can be proudly passed on to the next generation. My profoundest gratitude to the Almighty for allowing me to manage to keep afloat amid the devouring waves of the ills of life and able to sail in much clearer waters.

 No regrets of that door that I chose to enter when I was still 17. I am fully satisfied, accomplished and happy.