He Carried Me

Have you truly looked at the path you have made?" he asks.

I scoff. Have I looked? I have always been looking! Every few minutes, I have looked back to see where I have come from. At the endless expanse of dry sand and water. At the footprints that would eternally be a testament of the work that I had done. Every moment, I look back to see how much progress I have made. It has not been all that much!

There is only one set of footsteps. MY set of footsteps! Back far, far away, you can see two, if you were to travel a few days back the way I came. That was when he had actually been with me. That was before He had left me. Left me in my pain.

I glare at him, barely reigning in my anger. He. Had. Abandoned me!

"Yes! I have looked back! And every time, it was a painful reminder that you. Left!"

His eyes are filled with love and concern. He shakes His head sadly. He looks as though He had been delivered the saddest news that He had ever heard. As though I had no clue what I was talking about. As though I didn't know what had happened. I am about to lose it. I have had it up to here with Him. I shake my head in return.

"I never left..."

"Then what do you call that!?"

I am hysterical. I look at His face and study it. Did He never really care for me? How often had I looked upon that face and trusted Him? How often had I looked upon Him and asked Him for advice, or help, or- in some instances- both? His face gives no hint as to His age. He is not the handsomest person in the room, but that does not detract from His caring attitude and loving personality. Or, at least, it did not. Now, I know exactly what He is like. A rotten traitorous, lying snake.

He closes His eyes in pain as I shout at Him. I feel bad. He has done so much for me, already, but He had left me when I was most vulnerable. He had given me to the wolves. He had left me to walk along this shore, surrounded on one side by water and on the other by a rocky cliff side. Both frightening and fearful in their own way. Both are deadly. There was no way to overcome either of them. I could only follow the sand.

"Have you truly looked closely at the footprints?"

I stare at Him as though He had grown ears and a tail.

"What do you mean 'have I looked closely?'?! Of course I have!"

He shakes His head and points.

"Study how big yours are and Mine are." - He points to the footprints beneath us. - "Now compare them."

Begrudgingly, I humor Him. I do not even know where He is going with this. Why, exactly, would I need to compare footprints. I do so anyways, and compare them in my mind, studying them.

"Yours are bigger than mine. So?"

He walks over and stands next to the lonely pair of footsteps. Waving me over, He looks at me kindly and understandingly before continuing His little speech.

"Now, compare our footprints to the single pair."

I do. I feel my face pale and my stomach ties itself up in knots. It couldn't be. He had left. I had walked this entire time on my own... They were much too big to be mine, but just the right size to be His.

I avoid His gaze as I look back at the lone pair of footsteps.

"I-I do not understand..."

He smiles slightly.

"When you could not take anymore, I carried you. I picked you up and carried you to where you are now, until we were out of the thick of it. Do you honestly think that I would have left you in your vulnerable state? I have promised to always be with you. Do you think that I would have gone back on my word? I said that you could trust in Me, that I would help you when you struggle. Do you think that I had not meant what I had said? I love you more than you can know, and this is the least I would have done for you."

I gape at Him. Then it all comes back.

I had been so focused on where I was going and making it on my own, that I had forgotten about how hard it was going to be. I had stumbled, and, because of exhaustion, had been unable to get back up. I had denied the fact that I could not do it on my own, and had pushed away all the warnings and pressed on. I had felt His hands underneath me and as He lifted me up, but I had been so focused on my failure, on my weakness, I had not even noticed it. I had been so wrapped up in myself... i had thought that I could accomplish it all on my own.

I had ignored His questions, Him asking if I needed help, Him telling me to take a break, and I had missed the fact that He had always been there. He had always been there, leading me, holding my hand, pulling me along, and then carrying me.

How could I have missed such an important fact?

I look into His eyes and see the truth. I begin to cry.

"And you just stood there and took my ridicule? You took all that when you knew that I was accusing you of something you had never done? Why would you take that?"

He smiles gently.

"I do not expect you to be perfect. My forgiveness and love is infinite. There is no end to it."

I break down in tears and collapse to my knees. I feel His arms wrap around me, and knew that I am going to be safe.