Paradise Lost

As I write this, dear reader, I become acutely aware, that this harrowing tale of hardship and heartbreak, longing and loss, fear and frustration. Intertwined with moments of joy and jubilance, excellence and exultation, sweetness and serenity. May fall on deaf ears, if not read with an open heart and an open mind, one that is prepared to allow itself to experience the full gamut of emotions that I have lived through in my unreasonably extended stay on this earth.

To start at the beginning, A good place to start as at the beginning of my tale things were unexceptional, mundane even.

Hopefully, this gentle opening will allow you to fully submerge yourself in the world I’m soon to drag you into, but be aware that once you are in, I would ask you to stay in, don’t dip a toe in and decide it’s too cold and recoil in shock. Sink down, and let your head go under. There see the water’s fine, come up for air, take a breath dear reader, and start to swim gently.

Now where was I, ah yes, in the beginning, a good place to start sometime around the year 2070-80, I was working as… so long ago I’m not sure I can remember the exact term for it now, an assembly technician? for a big… what was the word, ah yes multinational that provided cybernetic equipment for a multitude of industries. That sounds about right. Very tedious uninspiring work that left me yearning daily for more. More life, more things to learn, foods to taste, places to see, people to love to hate to fight to embrace. Alas, all of this went unfulfilled as I went from my job to my home, to my job. Until I saw a poster on the wall of the cafeteria.

“TEST SUBJECTS WANTED

must be physically well, have been employed for a minimum of 3 years, be available for regular checkups for the following 2 months and have no dependents.

To test a cell-enhancing treatment, no ill side effects are predicted.

IN RETURN WE OFFER 6 MONTHS OF PAID HOLIDAY LEAVE!”

I had my reservations, as I am sure you would understand, phrases like ‘have no dependents’ and ‘no ill side effects’ did not sit well with me but the promise of an extended holiday, an opportunity to seek out adventure drew me in. I was, and still am in great physical condition at 32 years old and had what felt like a lifetime of tedium under my belt that needed to be shifted somehow. The procedure was a simple series of injections over 2 weeks. And a following 2 months of regular tests, which ranged from physical to mental agility, endurance capacity and overall wellness.

I noticed no changes in myself during this time. Only that, if I recall correctly, I rarely tired or became unwell.

I spent the next 3 months working and saving and waiting for my 6 months extended holiday, I had planned as frivolous an adventure as I could afford on my meagre salary, first a tour of Europe and Asia and upon arriving home, I had enrolled myself into a condensed scuba diving course. I had always wanted to see what lay in the depths. Upon returning to work I found a simple note attached to my workstation expressing that ‘all the tests had been completed and the procedure had been 100% successful’. I was left baffled, I hadn’t noticed any change in myself physically in the slightest, had they made a mistake, had they been simply testing my loyalty as an employee somehow?

Now dear reader, as you may remember I willed you at the start to prepare yourself to follow me, as close as you are able, on my journey and try to feel as I felt. At times it might not be easy, but it wasn’t always easy living it either, and I know reading an abandoned diary scratched into pieces of wood that have been sealed and buried, is not the same as being there. I ask you to follow me as closely as you can in the hopes there may be some lasting lessons in what you read.

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Year 2170

Let me fill you in, in the years that had passed I had foolishly remained at my mundane job, I had worked relentlessly for the next 50 years, and watched as coworkers grew older and retired. For a time I remember regular remarks about ‘how young I looked’ and ‘how well I must look after myself’. It hadn’t escaped my attention either, but at that time I didn’t know the truth of what the company had done to me. There had been great strides in medical treatment and understanding of diet and healthy living throughout those years, so I had put it down to my coworkers not following the best medical advice or perhaps they had terrible eating habits.

But after 50 years of not looking a day over 32 and everyone else I had known looking well into their 80s it had become impossible to ignore. The day it all became clear to me was the day the company had been forced to shut down due to an

‘Unethical and irresponsible practice of testing new technologies on lower-level employees without their full understanding or consent’

Was what I had read, and just like that the veil had been lifted, I had come to the realization that I was a test subject. No documentation or records had been kept of this clandestine activity so I had no way to prove it. I had been offered a generous severance package as well as retirement when the company was dissolved, which I simply added to an ever-growing yet still humble savings account. For a time I simply lived off of the income from retirement and the interest.

The next 40 years went by very slowly, I became bored, sedated, and lonely. I can’t believe it even as I say it now. I looked back fondly at the days of standing in my workstation assembling parts for unknown devices day after day. I had acquired enough money to live a life of undisturbed comfort, but not lavish excitement, I could spend money freely but if I went too far I would have to wait for my account to refill before I could splash out again.

I found love, a lady, a neighbour. Whose house I had walked by frequently, I remembered her as a child, as such I had avoided any romantic concepts even as she had grown to my biological age. But as she surpassed me in physical age I found no moral qualm in approaching her. She was kind and altogether excited to experience life, and she pulled me out of the slumped existence I had been in almost immediately. I was happy, content, and peaceful. Paradise.

Lesson No 1, nothing that lives remains static, all must change.

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Year 2230

Another 30 years flew past Emily and I had lived happily, I explained to her the predicament I had found myself in, and why I never seemed to age. She, slowly, over time came to believe me. We travelled and sought out a future for ourselves that would fulfill all our hopes and dreams, we planned and prepared for our shared paradise even as, little did I know at the time, it was passing us by.

We bought a house out of the city and she cared for a variety of new and unusual animals. All rejects from the ‘Species Entanglement’ experiments that had been popular in some industries, an attempt to create the golden goose of farmable, ridable or loveable creatures of the future.

I had befriended the more intelligent among them, the Dolphants were a particularly sociable and curious breed. They were robust, inquisitive and placid. And we cared for some of the more unfortunate creatures that had been disposed of by the program. The Moleskunk that would dig foul-smelling holes and only poke its head out to dispense any threats with a pungent stench. We were happy, we had meaningful work that we cared about and an ever-changing world we nurtured.

As Emily grew further in age from me she became distant and forlorn, she tired easily, I didn’t know how to remedy this.

I was lost once again, and the fear of losing her gripped me each day.

Lesson no 2 Fear of change has a strong grip and will snap a branch before bending it.

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Year 2250

But as is often the way change was thrust upon us. War had been slowly bubbling in faraway lands, we had comfortably ignored it as a thing of the past that reared its ugly head from time to time but never had an impact on us in our hidden paradise.

One morning visitors came, men in jeeps and uniforms, looking for conscripts. I was infuriated, they had come all the way out here to a retired couple's country house looking for able-bodied men to fight. I refused. I didn’t physically engage them but I insisted in no uncertain terms that I was, despite my appearance, a retired man.

‘Good for you retiring so early son’ they said, ‘but your financial status doesn’t come into this sir, if you are between the ages of 18-50 you must join the good fight’

I was bundled and dragged into the back of the jeep in front of Emily in an undignified manner that left me shaking with rage, for the first time in a long time I felt fear as we pulled away and I saw her face, shocked and grief-stricken.

The strange interspecies ‘animals’ we had cared for over the years were frantic in the background, my paradise was broken as was my heart.

I considered myself fit and healthy but the riggers they put me through while training were beyond the capacity of my body, although I found myself surprised each day by how fast I could recover, I would wake up stronger each morning. Within just a month I had gone from doing barely 10 press ups to 50, from jogging 1 mile to sprinting 10 without breaking a sweat. The drill sergeant was as surprised as I.

I almost found myself enjoying it, at the ripe old age of 156 the thrill of a body that was quicker stronger and more agile than it had been when I was 20. And there was me thinking I was settling into a passive retirement.

One morning I was woken before light with the sound of sirens and gunfire, I ran outside to see an enemy fleet had swooped in across the sky in huge aircraft the size of skyscrapers, 100s of men were gliding down from the skies fully armed and prepared for a ground invasion. I was in awe at the sight, my mind was overwhelmed, I stood just watching the display as bullets began to strike me, I simply fell to the ground and thought of Emily and the animals.

I couldn’t contain my anguish, I cried out in sorrow more than pain.

Nothing has ever or will ever come close to the loss I felt that day.

I lay on the ground pooling blood, then being dragged to shelter by my own men, my captures. I was discharged a week later from the hospital and the army. I had learned a valuable lesson, my body could heal remarkably quickly from wounds, but I still felt pain, all of it, and where bones had shattered it took longer to heal and some parts of me never went back together the way they should.

Lesson no. 3 Anger, rage, hatred and fear leave wounds that will heal but scars that may never.

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Year 2370

I returned home in the year 2260 to find Emily's body in our bedroom, nothing but a skeleton remained. Nothing had been touched in the house for some time, thick layers of dust lay on everything. I couldn't stomach another minute seeing what I had been dragged from left to rot. I wept well into the night and through to the next morning. Many of our strange animal friends had been rounded up by the military and used for experiments, they had restarted the ‘Species Entanglement’ program for military use, the Wildebear and the Linxracoon were of special interest to them. Others had fled across the hills in a wild panic.

Emily's last days were kept company by a Koalachimp who had hidden in the trees when the war had broken out, and remained in the house as a safe haven from the noise. And a family of Harehogs that had scurried under the floorboards in the melee and were still living there happily.

I spent the remainder of the day carefully and delicately taking the remains of Emily and placing them in a grave I had dug for her. The war had slowly moved its way south and away from me now, but was still raging, I would sometimes faintly hear the sound of their monstrous machines and flashes from the photon bomb detonations from 1000 miles away.

I vowed never to return to ‘society’ after Emily died, it no longer held anything for me.

I drifted further into the wilderness and spent the next 100 years alone. I created a simple life for myself that involved little comforts but equally no pain or terror, I would get sick, become injured sometimes, starve or become dangerously dehydrated. But I knew my body had the capacity to rebound even from this.

At first, I kept notes of my experiences of the world and tried to compile them into some grand philosophical theory for myself to live by, I had created a one-person religion. I was the student and the master of my own theology, and for a time it was good. But try as I might I never found the paradise I was searching for, nothing I could settle for, for the rest of my unreasonably long term on this earth.

I spent nights cursing the company that had condemned me to this fate, cursing the men who had devastated my small pocket of paradise, and cursing myself for not finding a way to find my version of paradise given all the time in the world to do so.

Some early mornings I might see a RabbitFox living happily in the wild and a smile would come across my face.

Lesson no 4 there are no grand answers, only grand questions.

The end