Until He proves me wrong

Please be advised that the following story contains sensitive content including:

• Mental health
• Sexual violence
• Physical violence and/or abuse

Please refrain from continuing if it is a trigger or may harm your well-being.

It was hot and the rain was sticky. I loved it. 

I twirled around and the grass flew like natures own ribbons. My dress in the colours of summer, floated as I did. The sound of my laughter filled the air and Jasper looked at me with widened eyes. I had his hands in mine and we spun and spun until I could not spin anymore. I threw them away, grinning and tripping over myself as my head continued whirling. His wet grip had painted my own, adding to the shower already coating my pretty yellow dress.

It was times like these when I was the most alive, my whole reason for living realised. I adored him as he is, more than anything. The scent of him in the air, the hardness of his body, the taste of his skin coating my tongue freshly. I wanted to feel it, I wanted to run my hands over him, every bone and muscle. 

I held his gaze and the joy on my lips fell, something else entirely built between us. The blood thundered in my ears as the breeze carried away the rustling of the oak trees dotted about the field. Our deserted picnic lay underneath one of them, abandoned. It hadn’t gone to plan, our little summer picnic.  

Breathlessly, I stared down at him, now lying peacefully beneath me despite the puddle forming around him. Beautiful. The corner of my lips twitched as I ran the fingers through his wet and matted hair. His curls of brown resisted my caress and another bubble of laughter chimed. His head fell lovingly into my hand and the swell in my chest engulfed me.

It wasn’t always like this, mind you. Only minutes ago we were at each other's throats. I wished it wasn’t so, but he was the angry sort. I could still feel it all over my body. I ached with it. I shook my head from the thoughts as he rested in the grass. 

We’d met not long ago, a twist of fate we called it. Fate brought us together. I was meant to meet him, I just know it. His hand felt perfect on my face, fit perfectly on my cheek. They weren’t for any other woman. Only mine. I don’t think I would ever forget the feel of them.

It was a day filled with passion and inhibitions, not unlike today, and I knew then, he was the one. Knew I wanted to turn him inside out, know his darkest secrets, caress the very inner workings of him. I had told him of the demons that lived inside of me, and I was ready to find his out. I was ready for the next step, but perhaps it was too soon for him— and that’s how it had begun today, the fighting. 

The sun was shining when we arrived, but I’d poked and prodded into the wrong subject and not for the first time. He was particularly enraged today, maybe he didn’t want to come for a picnic. Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed it, but I’d planned everything so perfectly. Timings, weather, entertainment, yes— but not much had gone to plan. Not until now.

I hissed at the memories of the day resurfacing and shook my head again. At least it finished how I intended. That’s all that mattered. 

His muscular thighs pressed against my own as I ran my fingernails harshly over his sodden t-shirt. The burgundy matched his warm skin tone and brought out the light flecks in his expressive eyes. I always knew what he was thinking when I looked into them. A looking glass into his soul, just for me. 

I glanced at him then, his eyes were glazed over staring back to where the deserted date would’ve been. If only he hadn’t pushed me back today, maybe it wouldn’t have ended up like this. He could’ve proved me wrong. A sigh escaped my lips as I heaved myself from him and plonked down next to his torso. The wet dirt sounded as my knees sunk into the warm puddle.

I brought my hand to the tender bruise no doubt forming across my jaw. Another lasting print from a lover, perfectly placed, as he promised. I had soon rectified that, though.

I couldn’t resist the curl of my lips as my eyes slid to the discarded hands not meters from me. The weight of the knife in my hand began to feel heavier as exhaustion gnawed at me. It had been a struggle, but worth it for the look he had given me. The most beautiful thing shone in his eyes when he realised. More beautiful than anything I’d ever seen. 

I raised the blade above my head, the sunlight peculiarly hitting the stained metal, and as I brought it back down over and over again the bone gave way. The euphonious sound ringing prettily in the summer air, my favourite time of year. 

The sun beamed down to me still, as I let the memories of severing his wrists wash over me. The rays licked my skin where it wasn’t sullied in crimson. My own blood was slowing in my limbs and my eyes were growing heavy. Pretending was fun, but it grew to be exhausting. The timid and angelic girl, afraid of each strike he had given, not knowing it was the fuel I needed, what I had known would come to play. It always did.

I sunk onto the back of my legs, relishing, breathing deeply and closing my eyes, it felt good to be myself again. I’d missed me. Too long had I been locked away— since Jeremy, I realised. My mouth twitched thinking of him, the screams he had given— I wasn’t sure I would ever hear screams so sweet again. Jeremy had proven me right, too. They always did.

The sudden jerk of Jasper's lifeless body was something I was used to. Smiling, I hovered above his blank face.

‘Hush now, darling,’ I purred, ‘struggle and it’ll only hurt more,’ I repeated his own words back to him and slid the blade across his throat. I sawed until his dirty mouth was separated from his filthy body.

His blood was still hot and it drenched me— I loved it.