Nightmares

July 1st

It happened again. I was back in high school. Goodness, that would be enough! But no, my subconscious offered more. Thanks for that. I was wandering around, moving through room to room, searching. Completely lost. Absolutely horrible. Yeah, I woke up gasping for breath. Took more than a minute to understand that I was not in high school, not lost and was, in fact, at home, in bed, almost forty years past high school age.

July 2nd

Seriously! I am not watching anything to even deal with high school yet, once again, I had another nightmare about my highschool. Insane. It went beyond being lost this time. That is how it started though. Once again, walking through, searching for where I was supposed to be. I could feel my heart beating fast as a growing sense of panic fills me.

The sound of steps running up and down the metal staircase is where it starts to change. I wasn't the only one panicking. This sends my heart into a triple time rhythm. What is wrong ?

This is when I wake up, shaking and covered in sweat. My mouth tastes of terror. I feel my heart in my throat.

It takes even longer to come back to myself.

July 3rd

I expected it. After all, I had the same dream over the last two days. Still

Lost again, running through the strange, oh why hadn't I noticed it before, how weird the school was? It is. The rooms I am restlessly running through have students in them but… But they are just staring off into space. None notice the frantic young ( for I am in this strange dream) girl running through them.

The dread grows as I keep running, through the classes, unable to stop, unable to ask for help. Unable to do anything but run aimlessly.

Again, the sound of the running feet on the metal grates that make up the stairs. The dread grows. I turn to the sound, dare I see what is making that noise? Dry mouthed, I move towards it…

Waking up, I feel the scream behind my throat. A squeak comes out. Wide eyed, I feel them dry as I look around the familiar confines of my room. Nauseous, I swallow several times as the adrenaline lets go and my heartbeat slows down. What in the world is going on? This is insane. I have never had dreams that build on each other like this.

I shake my arms to release some of the tension. Not dreams, no nightmares. Nightmares that build on each other. I am now afraid to go to sleep.

July 4th

Please, I recall thinking to myself before heading to bed, let me dream of fireworks. Please!

I do but… No, no! It starts out the same way as it has been. Back to school, the strange, silent School that feels like it is full of zombies or something, these queer staring students that populate the rooms I am, once again, running in and out of. Worse than it has been because I know what is coming. It makes the dread even more intense. I listen for that horrible sound.

It doesn't come at first, to my relief. Maybe, maybe this will be different.

It was in this way, before the eerie sounds of the, whatever it is, moving up and down the stairway, came the sounds of explosions.

‘Bombs!’ my shattered mind thinks. It takes a second for me to see the unbelievable sight of fireworks exploding over our heads, somehow working inside the school building without setting it ablaze.

For a moment the sight takes the terror away. It is so strange and comical that the queer feelings of dread, at the deepest soul level, are temporarily tempered.

It doesn't last. As the last firework fades from the ceiling, the sound returns. That running sound, heavier it seems than it has been before. The footfalls seem to shake the entirety of the building.

‘Come on guys,’ I hear myself saying, ‘can’t you hear that. We need to find out what it is.’

But, once again, it is like I don't exist. I get right in front of some of their faces and wave my hands. Those horrible unblinking eyes stare right through me. No help from that quarter.

Knowing it is up to me, I square my shaking shoulders and turn towards the sound. I manage to take a few steps before, once again, waking up.

I am mumbling as I come back to full consciousness. ‘It has to be me…’

Sitting up all the way, I take several deep breaths, letting them out slowly. As terrifying as this dreams are, I know it is important to reach the end. Whatever is there, I must face it head on. It is the only way to stop the nightmares.

July 5th

Moving through again, this time a bit more in control. Yes, the dread is still there. It sends shivers up and down my spine. Shaking, even as I make myself, in dream form, walk towards the stairs.

Second floor, the first time I am aware of my location inside the school in any way. So, I can now walk towards the source of the horrible noise. Towards whatever creature is creating it.

‘To end this.’ I tell myself as I make myself move towards the stairs.

Mouth dry again, heart beating almost out of my chest, I continue, “Not real, whatever it is, it isn't real.’ I remind myself.

Around the corner, I look around it. What I see stops me in my tracks.

A tumor. It is a tumor. How I know this, I can't tell. It is just one of those things that happen in dreams.

‘Get checked.’ It says to me. Not aloud but deep in my mind.

July 30th

My doctor thought me mad. I had, after all, just had a full checkup a few months ago. Still, she humored me, doing blood work for cancer markers.

A week later, she calls me back in.

“I don't know how you knew but, yes, you have ovarian cancer. I’m sorry.”