The Look

It’s a bad feeling, being stuck in a confined space with a stranger, knowing that you literally can’t leave or you’ll probably die. Sure, I could get out of the car and try to walk the rest of the way, but it was 7 degrees outside, and we were in the middle of the highway, granted all the cars were stopped, but I wouldn’t be able to see more than three feet in front of me. With my luck, I’d probably walk off an overpass.

I’d spent the first hour of the drive with my earbuds in listening to music, but it had died a few minutes ago, and I didn’t have a car plug with me.

“Do you have a charger?” I asked my uber driver.

“No, sorry,” he replied, “been meaning to get one, but I haven’t gotten ‘round to it.” We lapsed back into silence for a few more minutes, the car inching slowly forward. The heat was cranked, but I could still feel the cold seeping in and the wind rushing past was chilling to listen to.

“So,” started the driver, Sammy was his name, I remembered. Here we go. Small talk. “Headed back home?” Sammy asked.

“Yeah,” I replied. Was that it? Just a simple ‘yeah?’ Was that all I could manage with him? He was just trying to be friendly, and here I was being all lame and killing the conversation. He probably thinks I hate him or something.

“Good to hear,” Sammy went on, oblivious to my inner turmoil. “Always good to head home on a day like this. Good timing actually, I was thinking I was done for the day, but when I saw you were headed in the same direction as me I figured why not? Might as well help someone get where they need to go.” 

How did he do that? Just talk like and keep it going with a complete stranger. It would take me weeks to get that comfortable with someone and stop second-guessing myself. Ok, I can do this. One question. But what? What’s he having for dinner? No, that’s stupid, why would that matter.

“Sorry for the smell, by the way,” Sammy said. “My little one was in here earlier and spilled some grape juice. Didn’t really have time to get it all out.”

“That’s ok,” I managed. I actually liked the smell, it reminded me of when I was a kid. Oh! I could say that. Well, maybe not now, it had been a few seconds, and there was a weird pause. Wouldn’t that make it awkward? Maybe, but maybe I should still try?

“It, um, actually reminds me of when I, uh, when I was a kid,” I said haltingly. Ugh, that had sounded so weird. He probably thinks I’m some weird psycho now who doesn’t know how to speak.

“Does it?” Sammy said back. “How so?” I glanced over at him, did he really care? Or was he just trying to get me to talk more so he could make fun of me? He glanced over, dark brown eyes meeting mine and he gave a small smile. Not hurtful, not teasing, I knew those looks well. So what was it?

“Well,” I started again, “when I was younger I, uh, had a lot of grape juice. It was one of my favorites.” At least I got something out, I guess. That was alright wasn’t it? Maybe I should have said a bit more.

“That makes sense,” said Sammy. “I used to have this stuffed dinosaur when I was younger. Big green thing that I carried all over the place. Every time I see a dino these days it brings me back to that.” How did he do that? First, we’re talking about juice, and now dinosaurs? I was just getting used to the idea of talking about juice. What should I say about dinos? What could I say? Come on, I used to watch The Land Before Time, I know about this stuff.

I couldn’t think of anything to say, and we lapsed into another awkward silence. It went on like that for what felt like an hour but was probably only a minute or two. The car kept rolling slowly forward, and Sammy signaled to change lanes.

“Did the dino you used to have eat star leaves?” I asked tentatively.

“Maybe,” hummed Sammy “what are star leaves?” Oh no, he didn’t know what star leaves are. That was a thing from the movie, not an actual term people used. Stupid.

“It’s from an old dinosaur movie. They called the star-shaped leaves Star Leaves,” I tried to get the words out as fast as I could so we could move on. Sammy probably didn’t want to talk about vegetation.

“Right,” Sammy said slowly, “that sounds familiar, what movies was it?”

“The Land Before Time.”

“Yes!” he exclaimed, “I remember now, I thought I was too old for it when it came out, but went to see it anyway with my ‘girlfriend’” He put air quotes around girlfriend. “We were in 8th grade I think,” he continued on. “I remember trying to be all macho about the whole thing and hold back the tears while she was crying her eyes out.” Sammy laughed, “Oh those were some times.” I added a small laugh with his, he had had a girlfriend in eighth grade? I was almost done with college and had only ever had one relationship back in high school for a couple of months. Like a lot of other people, Sammy must have been much more willing to talk to people than I was.

“That brings me back,” Sammy kept going with his story, “little Marie, she was quite the catch back then, red ribbon in her hair, and blue dress, kinda makes me think of The Wizard of Oz now, but I guess that’s just how people dressed back then. I used to be so shy back then.”

That’s true, they did use to dres- wait, what did he say? 

This outgoing guy just said he used to be shy? How did he change?

“You used to be shy?” I asked. I didn’t want to push him to answer something so personal, but I want to know. I need to.

“Oh yeah,” said Sammy, “used to have no idea what to say to anyone, questioned everything that came out of my mouth, even thought people didn’t want to hear anything I had to say.” I noticed I was staring at him when he glanced in my direction and I quickly looked down at my lap. Did he know what I was thinking? It sounded exactly like me.

“What did you do?” I asked.

“Took a chance,” Sammy replied. “Ran into this stranger once, someone I knew I’d probably never see again, and made myself talk. Damndest thing though, I could have sworn the guy was reading my mind.” He chuckled at that, some joke I didn’t get, but I don’t think he’s laughing at me. Sammy finally made it to the turnoff and took the exit. I barely noticed.

“Anyway,” Sammy continued with his story, “I had all kinds of thoughts running through my head and had no idea how to say any of them, and this guy was pretty talkative like he was thinking out loud rather than in his head.” Sammy got a thoughtful look on his face before shrugging. 

“Anyway, he talked about all kinds of things, his life, his ideas, some regrets, that kind of thing, while I just sat and listened.” This sounded a lot like I was doing with him right now, was he trying to tell me something? Or send me a message? Sammy kept talking, and now the car was making its slow way through the residential area, closer to my house.

“I was just sitting and listening to this guy, and eventually I thought to myself ‘Sammy, he’s been here this whole time talking about his thoughts and opinions, and I should do the same.’” He paused there as he made another turn, only more turn and I’d be home, getting out of his car, and maybe never see him again. I had to know what happened next.

“What did you do?” I asked. I did not want this to end, he was so close, maybe something he said would be an answer I’d been looking for for years. A way out of my own head.

“It was kind of awkward actually,” Sammy chuckled. “He was in the middle of a sentence, don’t even remember what he was saying, but I just blurted out ‘I’ve always wanted to go to Morocco.’” 

“What did he do?”

“Just sat there actually, had this look on his face, not mad or angry, just expectant, and encouraging. So I kept going, told him the reason I wanted to go. I said ‘it’s a beautiful place, and I love the scenery there.’ That was it, I had this kind of happiness in the pit of my stomach like I was wired on something way better than coffee could ever do, and I vowed right then and there I’d do whatever I could to keep that feeling going.” We made the last turn onto my street, and I could see my house getting closer.

As we pulled up on the curb, I looked over at Sammy, and he looked back at me. Normally I’d just get out and go inside, a muttered thanks being the only sign I was leaving.

“Thanks for the ride,” I said quietly, looking down at my lap. That didn’t feel right, like I needed to say something more.

I, um…” I started. I looked up and met his eyes again. He had that look again, calm, head cocked just to the side, eyebrows slightly turned up in the middle and a small smile on his lips.

“Thank you, um, for the conversation, and uh, and the story. It sounded like, well, it sounded like me, and I really liked it.” Was that good enough?

“You’re might welcome,” replied Sammy, the same smile still on his face. “I hope you have a good evening and thank you for the company on the long drive back, it was good to have someone to talk to.”

With that, I stepped out of the car and made my way up to my front door, where I turned just in time to see the taillights of Sammy’s car disappear into the blizzard.