and Sin No More

   How beautiful it is up here. I love sitting in the shade of these trees, looking down on the fields and the village, and dangling my feet in this cool stream. Someone once told me that life is like a stream, or a river, and we float along the stream. Sometimes we go fast and see different things or different people, and sometimes we stay in a small pool and see the same things. I used to wonder which is best, for it is good to meet different people, and also it is good to keep old friends and family. Later, when I told a priest that I was not really religious, he said that there must be something I believe in, God, fate, destiny, or some sort of plan to my life. I told hom about the stream idea but he said that life is much more than a stream, because you never know where the stream will lead you. He said that people think of the stream idea when they are unhappy, because they think that it is the stream of their life that has brought them unhappiness.  

But this is my special stream. When I sit by this stream I know why Moses led our fathers here. We are lucky. Our land is very fertile, it needs little work and the Romans hardly ever bother us. This is why I used to come here when I wanted to say "thank you" to God, and then I could feel that He wanted me to be good, like being content with simple things, and not gossiping. Gossiping ? Ha ! I always used to like this place, but now I cannot come here without thinking of Demas, and I cannot think of Demas without thinking of the other man who changed my life.

   It all happened about a year ago. I was sitting in my favourite spot one day when Demas came and saw me. Of course it was quite proper for us to talk, as he is married to my cousin. Demas lives in the next village, but we had hardly spoken until that moment, only meeting each other at festivals and weddings. How we talked on that first day. I felt as if we had known each other all our lives, and yet we still had so many interesting things to say. What a thrill it is to discover how someone else thinks. I suppose I could have asked him not to come again, but it was so wonderful talking with him. Then one day, after we had met a few times, I drew the word "love" in the sand with my foot. Demas looked surprised, but not shocked or angry. He asked me how I knew, and I said that, somehow, I just did. How happy I was when he said that his feelings were the same. Then he said that, because we were both married, it would be better for us to say, "like each other very much," although we both knew what it meant. 

    I used to feel guilty when I thought about my family. My husband is a good man. He has always treated me well and he is a good father to our children, although he thinks more about his sheep. Demas said we should be careful or people would talk, but I didn't care. How I longed to see Demas each time. How I banged the cooking pots and shouted at the children, just to make the time pass more quickly. And then Jesus passed through our village. 

    I suppose everyone in the village knew about our little affair by then. I could see the women nudging each other when I came to draw water. I bet they were secretly jealous, but, since we were related, what could they do ? I was soon to find out. 

    On the day Jesus came, my husband had gone to market, so Demas and I sat on the roof of my house under the awning, away from the midday heat. Then some villagers crept up the steps and found us - me half asleep, with my head on Demas' shoulder. There was much shouting of "adultery" and "Moses said stoning" ! I was very frightened, but I soon saw who was really on trial. They made Jesus agree that an adulteress should be stoned, and Jesus made no attempt to prove my innocence. For myself, I had always thought that stoning for adultery was too final, as it gave the person no opportunity to show that they could mend their ways. Looking back though, I can see how funny it was. Those eager young scribes thought that they had trapped Jesus, but He made such fools of them when He said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." My old synagogue teacher looked relieved and winked at me as he walked away, and one by one the others put down their stones and left. Of course I knew that they dare not really stone anyone, for fear of the Romans, but I was certainly pleased when Jesus asked, "Where are your accusers ?"

   How things have changed now. Demas never comes to our village anymore, the women are beginning to talk to me again, and my husband still tends his sheep as if nothing had happened. But the biggest change is inside me. The excitement is over, but little did I realise how much Jesus' command of "Go, and sin no more" would haunt me. Is it a sin to dream ? Should our little romance be forgotten, as well as finished ? I know that we are both married, but it was really quite innocent, so was it a sin ? Jesus must have thought so. I can understand that a gambler who stops gambling, but who still remembers the excitement of playing for high stakes, has not really repented. Does the same apply to me ? Surely, Jesus, I do not have to forget such happiness, do I ? No one knows we used to meet here by the stream, so I am still free to come here, among all my beautiful memories. Demas, I thank you. If it hadn't been for you, I might have lived, married, had children, grown old and died, without ever knowing what love is. And Jesus, I remember you too. Your wise answer saved my body, but now I'm afraid that your command is killing my soul. Your law is too high for me.

   Demas, I still "like you very much", so, very, very much.

Based on the Bible story in John 8:3-11