The Confession

Iris sat down in the confession seat. The church was not overly crowded which worked out in her favor. She didn't want to feel rushed or chance someone overhearing her conversation. Iris had never gone to confession before and the only thing she knew about it was from what she had seen in movies.

"I've sinned. At least I think that I did," said Iris.

"How long has it been since your last confession?" the priest asked her.

She chuckled. "Last confession? I have never went to confession. I've actually never been inside of a church.& She thought about what she said and gave another slight chuckle: "I'm almost 35 years old and have never been inside of a church until now."

"Well-& the priest began to say but Iris continued talking.

"I haven't had an easy life you know. Not that many people do," Iris shifted in her seat some and took a breath before continuing. "I was raised by a single parent. Well, mostly raised by a single parent. My dad comes around sometimes for my birthday's and gives me cards for Christmas. You know, stuff like that. My sister Josephine. She's my half-sister and she's a few years older than me. She never met her dad."

The priest fidgeted just a bit and his eyes wandered around some and Iris wondered if he was getting bored of listening to her speak.

"There is a point to all this. There really is,"

"It's okay," The Priest responded. "Go on."

"Josephine never met her dad and I not only know my dad but he's sort of there for me. Like, I'll never forget this one birthday he came to pick me up from school and he gave me the newest phone out at the time," Iris said getting excited as her memory took her back to that day. "The iphone 7 plus!"

      Iris realized her excitement and cleared her throat. "Excuse me," She said as she sat up straighter. "Anyway," she continued "I hadn't really cared much about the newest gadgets and stuff but Josephine did. She was actually complianing a lot that week about how her job didn't pay her enough for the things she wanted in life. She had mentioned the iphone 7 plus continually and then one day I walk in with it. The phone that I spent no money on and had recieved from a dad she never had."

"And how did Josephine take the news about your birthday present?" The priest asked.

Iris scoffed.

"She took it as she always did. I heard her telling our mother that I'm spoiled and that I don't deserve that phone. That if I don't learn to work I will always be spoiled and entitled. Then when she saw me with the phone the next day she told me that the phone was trash and that Android had one that was much better. All along she had wanted that phone but suddenly, now that I had it she made like it was garbage."

"Now are you experiencing some ill feelings towards her?" The priest asked. "You have came here today to confess the hatred you have for your sister?"

"No. Not exactly... sort of... you see, this wasn't the first time she did this to me. This was a continual thing. Always talking about me behind my back to all of her friends or to mother. Sometimes she would say things to my face but mostly it was behind my back. To my face she would usually pretend to be caring but everything she said was condensending."

"It seems like you have a complicated relationship with your sister. Rooted in jealousy on her part," the priest awknowldged.

"Yes! Do you know how exhausting it is?"

"No I do not," the priest admitted. "I am an only child but even so, I think all of us have felt the sting of jealousy at one time or another. It is hurtful. Especially when you've done nothing to deserve it,"

The priest heard a sniffel from behind the partition. Iris hoped that he wouldn't notice that she had started to cry. She hadn't expected to start crying so soon into her confession but his words of ackowledgement hit her hard. She hated that her sister never truly loved her. That someone that should have been her defender was continually her attacker. Iris had loved her sister and would have never done anything to hurt her... but Josephine didn't want her love. Iris felt the only thing Josephine really wanted was to watch Iris fall flat on her face. Both figuralitively and literally.

&You know what your story reminds me of?" he said to break the silence. "It reminds me of the story of Joseph. You see, Joseph was the favorite son of Jacob because he concieved him with Rachel, Jacob's one true love. Joseph had eleven brothers and they were very aware that Jacob would never love them the way that he did Joseph."

"That's not Joseph fault," Iris said finally speaking up again.

"No. It wasn't. Like with your situation. It's a matter of circumstance." The priest answered.

"It's more than just the fact I have a dad," said Iris "You see, with our mom working all the time our Aunt and Uncle took care of us. If anyone was a father to Josephine it was our Uncle Matt. We were very close to both of them, but they were a good amount older than our mother. Aunt Jane passed away four years ago at the age of 84. It hit all of us really hard. It was a time where Josephine was actually nice to me. It didn't last ofcourse but I had thought we had turned a corner in our relationship,"

Iris took a breath and pondered what might have been.

"Our Uncle is 88 now and he's wheelchair bound. I go over his house every day after college. I do my homework there. I tell him about my day at school," Iris smiled. "I love him a lot and so I take care of him. Help him out of his wheelchair and into his bathtub. He waits till I leave to before he gets undressed. We have a good system so he can bathe without either one of us feeling awkwared," Iris laughed. "He really is a great guy and doesn't like the way Josephine treats me but he doesn't let her know that often. He loves both of us but he sees the way that she treats me and that it's unfair. He told me it takes everything in him to not tell her off. He doesn't want to hurt her so he continually bites his tongue. He knows how she bad talks me. He found out from mom some of the things she says about me. Sometimes she will go as far as bad talking me to him as well. She will tell him that I'm lazy for not getting a job and that I go to college just so I can have an excuse for not working. She said that I should get a job and work hard like her. She says that I get everything I want without earning it."

Iris's voice began to tremble with anger.

"I never judged her. I never belittled her! Even during the years she was a stone cold alcholic. It took her years to get sober and I never once said anything about it. She rather go on dates then make time to help take care of Uncle Matt. The only time she even calls him is on his birthday or she needs something from him. All of that and she has nerve to say it's not fair that Uncle Matt loves me more? He doesn't love me more, we're just closer!" Iris suddenly realized she was shouting as her voice bounced off the walls of the now empty church.

The priest was quite as Iris took a breath.

"Things really came to a boil when Uncle Matt gave me his gold chain. It had been an anniversary gift from Aunt Jane on their 50th wedding anniversary. I had thought he was going to want to be buried in it but he said it meant too much to him to be buried with it. For one, it's solid gold and he didn't want to chance someone robbing it from him. Most of all he wanted to give it to someone he knew would cheerish and care for it. He's not a man of riches and said it's the only way he could ever possibly pay me back for taking care of him after Aunt Jane died.

"That's a beautiful token of love," said the priest.

"Yeah,"Iris smiled. "I'm wearing it right now. It means a lot to me. I felt bad when he removed it from his wrist... but he was so happy when he saw me wearing it."

Iris sighed and put her head in her lap. She was silent for what felt like minutes.

"Iris?" asked the priest.

"I was walking home one day. I was taking the deserted path along the creek in the woods. It felt safe because no one was ever around to bother you. It had started raining heavily and I had just wanted to get home... I bumped into Josephine who was also on her way home. She didnt have an umbrellla, so I called out to her and told her to get under mine. She thanked me and got under it... but the arm I used to hold up the umbrella was the same arm that had the bracelet. She LOST it,"

"This is so much like the story of Joseph," the priest said. "Joseph was given a rainbow coat from his dad and his brothers got so angry they actually wanted to kill him. They ripped his coat off of him and flung him into a ditch. One of the brothers felt it would be wrong of them to kill their brother, so instead they sold him into slavery,"

"That's a horrible story," Iris exclaimed.

"It was at first. Joseph suffered for years, both in slavery and in prison for things that weren't his fault... but one day he became practically a King! He became the most powerful man in all of Egypt. Second to noone but Pharoh himself. Then one day he crossed paths with his brother's again,"

"And he killed them?" Iris asked with some excitement in her voice.

"Uh...no," the priest said. "Actually-"

"I have to tell you something," Iris said cutting him off. Don't tell anyone- you must never tell anyone." Iris went silent for a moment. "If I understand correctly, you're not allowed to tell anyone. Right?"

"Anything you say here remains between you, me and God," the priest responded.

"I killed my sister," Iris said. "Two years ago," Iris's voice didn't tremble. It was very still and matter of fact. "It all happened so fast. One minute she is under the umbrella and the next minute I'm beating her with it," Iris turned her head towards the priest. "When she saw the bracelet she flipped out. She started screaming in my face that I don't deserve the bracelet and how dare Uncle Matt give it to me instead of her. She said she knew him longer than I did since she was born first. She then started trying to rip the bracelet off of my wrist. I was so angry. Angry that she always had to make such an issue out of everthing and that she could never be happy for me. I turned the umbrella around and I hit her. I hit her right over the head with the wooden handle. I hit her once, twice, three times... I would have hit her again. I was in such a rage and I do not know when I would have ever came out of it and stopped hitting her. Before the fourth hit however she fell backwards... about 20 feet and landed in the creek. I wasn't sure if she was still alive. The rain was pouring down heavy. I knew if she wasn't dead, she eventually would be. She would drown. I peered over the ledge and saw her lying on her back. The water seemed to be getting higher... she wasn't moving and so I started to leave but then could have sworn I heard her call out my name. Only once. As if she was calling out for me to help her. I let the rain wash her blood from the umbrella's handle and I went home. When I went back the next day she was still there. Almost completely submerged. I knew eventually the water in the creek would dry out. I had to remove her before anyone found her... I'll spare you all the unnecessary details. It's been two years now and nobody knows what happened to her. There are speculations of course but no answers."

Iris took a breath. It had been the first time she had ever spoken of her sister's murder outloud. "I do wonder when I will finally be caught. Just because it has been two years doesn't mean I'm in the clear,"

"Is that why you are here tonight? To make sure you are in the clear?" asked the priest.

"No," Iris said after thinking about it. "I didn't come here to find forgiveness. I'm not even sure if I'm sorry about what happened. Josephine did this to herself. Evey insult, every complaint, every malicious intent. I didn't deserve how she treated me. She deserved the outcome of her own behavior."

Iris got up to leave but something was still bugging her.

"Why didn't Joseph kill his brother's when he had the power to do so? He had every moral and legal right to do so. Why did he spare them?"

"Don't be afraid am I in the place of God?'' Gensis 50:19. That is what Joseph said to his brothers when they begged him not to kill them after Jacob died. They thought Jospeh had only spared them for the sake of their father but that was not why he spared them at all. He spared them for his Father," the priest said looking up. Ultimately it wasn't Josephs place to handle them. That was for God and God alone. Joseph decided to love them. He provided for them and for all of their children. They hugged, they wept... they loved. They were a family once again."

Iris's eyes began to fill with water but no tears fell. She gave a gentle smile to the priest and sighed: "I like that ending better."