This Isn’t What I Signed Up For!

THIS ISN’T WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR!

I squeezed through the small bedroom window, and slip-skidded across the roof over the first floor mud room. I turned around, and eased myself off the roof, grabbing the eavestrough with my fingers, extending my arms until straight. I was hanging by my fingertips I looked down. I was only a couple of feet from the ground. I let go, and landed almost gracefully. And I didn’t break my leg. So, … yay?

I looked up as my friend Daisy and her boyfriend Leo dropped to the ground beside me.

“We gotta go!” I said. “Now!”

I looked around. We were surrounded by fields of corn, most of it taller than us. “Which way?” I asked.

Leo looked around, confusion showing on his face. “Uh … I dunno.”

Daisy was hysterical—crying and shaking. “Leo, we have to get out of here!” she whispered, eyes scanning the rear of the house, paralyzed by the fear that at any moment someone could come around the corner looking for us.

The crack of another shotgun blast and the sound of exploding glass rang out, jolting us all out of our stupor.

Daisy screamed, slapping her hand over her mouth.

“Be quiet!” Leo hissed.

I looked around. There was no way that I was hanging around waiting for another shotgun blast. I was out.

“This way!” I ran towards the field closest to the house, not even slowing when the corn surrounded me. Not waiting for Daisy and Leo, I ran.

Leo, dragging Daisy by the hand, entered the corn behind me, running as fast as the dark night would allow. We ran until the sound of the corn rustling was louder than mayhem behind us.

I stopped, bent over with my hands on my knees, catching my breath. Leo caught up, breathing heavily. Daisy dropped to the ground, hugging her knees to her chest, sobbing.

I looked at my friends. “This is not what I signed up for!”

*****

Daisy and I were sitting in my bedroom, listening to music. My room wasn’t fancy, but we almost always ended up at my house because my mom and dad were not like most parents—they were cool. And Daisy’s parents definitely were not.

“Leo wants to go this party tonight,” she said, looking at her phone.

“Cool,” I said, scrolling through Insta.

“Yeah,” she said. “He was wondering if you wanna come.”

I looked at her. “Subtle,” I said.

Two months ago Leo had lost his driver’s licence for impaired driving, and now they were dependent on the kindness of others for rides. In particular, me. Daisy didn’t have access to a car. Her family only had one, and that was for her parents use exclusively—she only got to drive if they needed her to drive her younger siblings somewhere.

She shrugged. “We’d want you to come, regardless, but, you know, you have a car and we don’t. Soooo …” She let the statement hang.

“Where?” I asked.

“Well, that’s why we need someone to drive. It’s out in the sticks on Carluke Road, where all those farms are.”

When Daisy said the sticks, she meant the sticks. A lot of the roads out there weren’t even paved. And it always smelled like pesticide and manure—gross. People who say that getting away into the country was good for you have never been to the actual country, because it stinks. Literally.

“I don’t know, Daisy. It’s a long drive,” I whined, hoping that she’d say never mind. Instead she slid her finger over he screen and quickly typed. Without lifting her head, she said, “Google maps says its only twenty-eight minutes away from here.:”

Okay, the smells of farmland were not the only reason I was reluctant to drive to the party. It was my car. I loved my car. Last year, when I turned sixteen, my parents helped me buy Carla, Carla wasn’t new, she wasn’t fancy, but she was mine—a beautiful red four-door 2015 Toyota Corolla. Low mileage, one owner, excellently maintained. The fact that she was my Gran’s car ensured that I got a great deal. I loved Carla, and I didn’t want to take her down some unpaved, pothole marred road in the middle of cow country.

“Really, Daisy?” I said, sighing. “Whose party is it?”

“Uh … just a sec.” She picked up her phone and started texting Leo.

I wrinkled my nose. Just like Daisy, agreeing to anything Leo says because “he’s my boyfriend!” Yuck. And just like Leo to expect Daisy to agree to anything he said, and expect her to do his bidding.

“Okay,” she said. “It’s at Neil Carter’s house.” She looked at me. “You know, the guy who’s going out with Jayla Shen.”

I was confused. “I thought Jayla was dating Mickey Lacroix.”

Daisy’s eyes lit up. “Ohhhh, you haven’t heard.” She leaned in towards me. “Jayla dumped Mickey because he was hooking up with some chick from another school. Then Jayla started dating this Neil Carter guy. He’s older, has a job, and rents the house where the party is. And Mickey was not pleased! He and Jayla had a screaming match yesterday in from of the math office.” She leaned back. “Leo said the party’s going to be epic. I think it’ll be fun! You should come with.”

Ha! I should come with, even though it was my car. I thought about it. I’d be going to a party at some guy’s house who I don’t know, with a whole bunch of people I don’t know. “Sounds like a blast,” I deadpanned.

Daisy smiled and playfully pushed my shoulder. “Come on,” she said. “Live a little! Have some fun! Meet new people!”

I know that I should have been offended. And just for the record, I know how to have fun. And I didn’t need new friends. I was happy with the ones I already had.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t think so.” I shook my head.

Daisy’s face dropped. “Pleeeeease!” she whined. “For me,” she coddled. “We won’t stay long,” she promised. “Pleeeeease!” I swear I saw her eyes mist up.

“Jeez, Daisy, don’t cry. It’s only a party.”

She wiped at her not-really-there tears with the back of her hand. “I’m not crying. I’m just sad that you don’t want to go out with me and have fun.”

I arched an eyebrow at her. “Really?” I said, recognizing manipulation when I saw it. “You’re going to be hanging out with Leo all night, and I won’t know anyone there. So, what’s the point?”

Daisy stood up and sat on the bed beside me. “I promise that I’ll hang out with you.”

I thought about it. I really didn’t have anything going on tonight. And a party would be nice. Maybe. But probably not. I’d spend the night leaning against the wall, watching everybody else have fun, drinking my water. But, you know, getting out was getting out.

“Maybe,” I said. “But there are a few conditions.”

Daisy grabbed her phone and started texting. Without looking up she said, “What conditions?”

“First, we leave when I want to leave. And if you or Leo don’t want to leave when I do, then I’m leaving without you.”

“Okay.”

“No drinking or smoking in the car. I mean no smoking anything in the car.” I squinted at her. “Make sure that Leo knows I’m serious. Got it?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she said typing.

“And he doesn’t tell me how to drive.” Leo was the worst passenger in the world because he truly believed he was the best driver in the world. He was the same age as me—seventeen—and he’d totalled two cars already, and had a mit full of speeding tickets. His insurance was so high that he had to take a second part-time job to pay for it. With his DUI he probably wouldn’t be able to find a company willing to would insure him.

Despite the dumpster fire his driving record was, he still thought it was okay to comment non-stop on how he thought I should be driving. I hated it. Speed up, slow down, turn here, don’t turn here. Oy! The last time he told me that I should be driving faster, I pulled over to the side of the road and told him to get out. He’d just stared at me, mouth hanging open. Then Daisy had promised me he wouldn’t do it again if I’d let him stay. I relented. He’d started to say something a few times, and all I had to do was look at him in the rearview mirror, and he’d shut his pie hole.

Ding!

“Leo agrees. To all of if. In particular not telling you how to drive.” She smiled a big smile at me. “So, we’re going?” she asked hopefully.

I shrugged. “Sure. I guess.”

Big mistake.

*****

When we got to the party there about half a dozen people hanging out on the sagging front porch, talking, drinking and passing a joint around. I didn’t know any of them. We walked into the house, where a couple dozen more people were crammed into the tiny living room and kitchen, where they were doing the same things. A thick haze hung down from the low ceiling, smelling like weed, cigarettes, and spilled beer.

I looked around. I wasn’t sure if the party had gotten out of hand, or if Neil was a slob. The floor was littered with pizza boxes, beer bottles and empty Solo cups pushed to the sides of the room. I looked through to the kitchen—dishes were piled up in the sink, the counters a mass of beer bottles and more Solo cups. Ashtrays were full to overflowing. I didn’t want to see the bathroom. I couldn’t conceive that the disaster in front of me didn’t extend upstairs. Eww.

Some metal song I had never heard blasted from the speakers, making conversation difficult without yelling. Great, I thought. At least I won’t have to talk to anyone. I surveyed the people all talking—or yelling—to each other in small groups.

There were a couple of kids I recognized from school, but no one that I hung out with. I chinned a “hey” when we made eye contact. The rest of the guests were older, so I assumed they were Neil’s friends. Then I spotted Jayla with, I guessed, Neil, coming in from the back of the house. They were attached at the hip, Neil’s arm draped protectively around Jayla’s shoulders, her arm around his waist.

Promise broken, Daisy and Leo went over to talk to Neil and Jayla. I positioned my self against the wall after kicking the detritus away to make room to stand. I people-watched for a while, but I was pretty sure I was getting a contact high standing inside, so I headed out to the porch. It was still stinky, but you can’t get high on second-hand manure.

Daisy came out looking for me. “You’ll never guess what just happened!” she said, obviously excited. “Mickey just texted Jayla and told her he was on his way to ‘take care’ of Neil.” Her eyes glittered. “I wonder what ‘take care of ‘ means? There might be a fight!”

The screen door opened, and a bunch of people left, heading towards the cars parked in the driveway and in front of the house.They didn’t say anything to us, but I did hear “No way I’m waitin’ around for the shit to hit!” and “Lacroix is crazy man. I’m out!” and “I don’t want to be anywhere near this place when the cops show up.”

I looked at Daisy. “I guess they heard,” I said.

She nodded her head. “Yeah, yeah. Neil told everybody that Jayla’s pussy ex was on the way. He said he’d kick Mickey’s ass.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to be here, either. I’m out.” But I’d been drinking water almost non-stop since we arrived, so I had to make a pit stop before I left. “But I have to pee first. You better tell Leo, cuz I’m not waiting.”

If only I hadn’t had so much water.

I climbed the stairs to the second floor looking for the washroom. It was occupied, so I waited in the hall. There was a dirty clothes funk in the air up here. Gross. When it was my turn, I mentally congratulated myself on being right—the bathroom was a hell hole of mold, grime, and unwashed towels. I turned around and walked towards the stairs, now using the facilities. Daisy and Leo came bounding up the stairs, stopping me.

“Rae, you can’t leave,” said Leo, jumping in front of me, blocking my way.

I looked from Leo to Daisy, then back to Leo. “Yes, I can. And I am.”

I moved to walk past him, and he stepped sideways, preventing me from walking down the stairs.

“No man, you can’t leave. I’ve got to be here for my bro. Mickey’s bringing his bros. Neil needs me.”

I shook my head. “I don’t care, Leo. I’m going home. Maybe your ‘bro’ will give you a ride home, cuz I’m leaving, now.

And at that moment, all hell broke loose.

First we heard engines revving, tires squealing, then car doors slamming. There was yelling. I heard some one shouting “Jayla, get your ass out hear, right now!” Probably Mickey.

Then I heard, “Fuck you, loser! She’s with me. Get the fuck outta here!” Best bet, Neil.

There was yelling back and forth, voices raised, threats made, manhoods questioned. It was getting out of hand.

A shotgun blast rang out. The yelling turned to screaming.

“What the actual hell was that!” said Daisy grabbing Leo’s arm.

“Gun!” I said, turning towards one of the back bedrooms. “I’m out! Let’s go!!”

We ran into the bedroom, almost tripping over the disgusting mattress on the floor, and dodging piles of fetid clothing. I flung the window sash up, and looked down. The roof to the mud room was an easy hop out the window.

I squeezed through the bedroom window …

*****

“I gotta get my car,” I said, trying to see through the corn stalks. I had no idea where we were. We’d run into the field parallel to the road, so I figured we needed to turn right to get back to the road. If I was wrong, then we’d probably spend the rest of the night re-enacting Children of the Corn.

“This way,” I said sounding a whole lot more confident than I felt. We could still hear the sounds of yelling and fighting faintly, off to the right, so we had to be cautious.

We started walking out, trying to be quiet. I’m not going to deny that I was nervous as hell, trying not to big foot it through the corn. I never realized how noisy the corn was. And super creepy. The stalks started to thin, and get shorter. We were at the edge of the field.

“Get down,” I whispered.

“Why?” asked Leo.

I looked at him. “You’re kidding right? Do you want the guys with guns to see us?”

“Fine.” He crouched down

We walked slowly out of the corn into the ditch. The sky was cloudy and moonless, giving us pretty solid cover. As we climbed onto the road we looked right.

I could see Carla. She was parked on the side of the road, facing us. There were other cars on both sides of the road, but mine she closest to us.

“What are we going to do?” asked Daisy, looking from Leo to me.

“I dunno,” I said. “They’ll hear us when I start the car. They might shoot at us.” I felt queasy just thinking about it. “And the cops are probably on the way. I don’t want to be here when that happens.”

I looked back at my Carla. Ha! There was a giant pickup truck parked right behind her, blocking her so no one could see her from the house. Perfect!

“Okay, we’re going to sneak over to the car, I’m going to get in, put her in neutral, and the three of us are going to push her quietly down the road until we’re safe.

Leo looked at me. “Are you kidding me? I’ll drive—I’m fast enough to get us away.”

I said nothing, just blinked at him. The balls on the guy! I looked at Daisy.

“No, Leo,” she said. “I like Rae’s idea better.” That’s my girl!

He looked pissed, staring at each of us in turn.

“It’s my car,” I reminded him. “And I have a driver’s licence.” Pause. “Unlike you.”

I could see him clenching his jaw. “Whatever.”

So we did just what I suggested. We must have pushed that car about a quarter of a kilometre, until there was a bend in the road. Then we hopped in and started driving away. We weren’t on the road for more than two minutes when two police cars flew past us, lights flashing and sirens screaming. I looked at Leo in the rearview mirror.

“I am never going to another party with you.”

We drove home in silence.