The urge to kill, to harm, to maim, had always been there. As long as he could remember, Jake wanted to hurt things. When he was younger, it had been birds and unsuspecting cats. His mother had been horrified by his behavior and she sent him away, to a place that could pray the evil out of him. It worked for awhile, but the desire to harm was creeping in again. Only this time, he wanted more.
***
Carissa hauled her bag, containing her computer and notebooks everywhere she went. Today the plan was to work on her novel at the little coffee shop downtown by the river. The river inspired her. She alternated between places in the effort to keep the creativity flowing. The river usually did the trick.
She had a favorite spot to sit, right by the window where she could glance up at any time and take in the view. It was everyone’s favorite spot, so she always arrived plenty early to claim her space. Today she hurried in and plopped her bag down on the table.
The shop was just coming to life. She loved the banter between the cook and the barista as they planned their morning menu. She thought maybe they were husband and wife. A cool job, for sure. She didn’t know their names and was too anxiety-ridden to ask or introduce herself to them. But they knew her.
“Mocha?” The barista said as their eyes met.
“Yes, please. What kind of muffins do you have today?”
“Got your orange cranberry coming out in about 5 minutes.”
“Perfect. Thank you.”
The barista went to work on her mocha and Carissa’s eyes wandered around the shop. She was usually the only one there at opening on a Monday, but today there was a man seated in the booth on the opposite side of the room. There was something compelling about him. He looked to be mid-twenties. His hair was shaggy, and he wore very worn jeans and a tie-dyed t-shirt proclaiming Make Love, Not War. Interesting. His eyes were cast down as though he was determined not to make eye contact with anyone. That was okay by Carissa.
The man looked out of place, somehow, in this upscale coffee shop, surrounded by chrome and gleaming tabletops. Carissa couldn’t help but wonder who he was, why he looked so sad.
Her steaming mocha arrived at her table, along with a muffin, fresh out of the oven.
“Oh, thank you,” she said, then lowered her voice. “Do you know that man?”
The barista smiled and shook her head. “First time I’ve ever seen him.” She took the opportunity to introduce herself. “By the way, I’m Shay. My husband is Tony.”
“Carissa. I guess it is time we introduced ourselves.” She smiled. “Nice to meet you, Shay.”
The man, hearing the conversation, had fixed his gaze at the two women.
“Guess I’ll go see if he needs anything.” Shay said as she nodded toward the man.
Carissa went back to her computer and was soon immersed in her story. Time flew by and she switched to regular coffee. One mocha was all she allowed herself, then she needed plain old fuel.
The man finally ordered an iced tea and moved to a table closer to Carissa. She didn’t pay much attention to him until he slid into the chair across from her.
“You working on a book?”
Startled, Carissa closed the laptop and took a long look at the man. He was handsome in a messy, unkempt sort of way. She felt a pull in her chest making her want to talk to him. Very unusual for her. Two conversations in one day. It was a lot.
“I am,” was all she offered.
“That’s cool,” the man said, then took a sip of his tea. The glass was sweating, and Carissa was nervous about the condensation making its way to her computer.
“Here,” she said as she handed him a napkin. “For your glass.”
He took the napkin and placed his glass on top of it, never taking his eyes off of Carissa.
“You are beautiful. Did anyone ever tell you that?”
Carissa felt the pull in her chest again. She was attracted to this strange man.
“Uh, no, not really.”
“Well, you are. I am mesmerized by your face and your fingers.”
Jake was imagining breaking those fingers, one by one, and the look on this beautiful woman’s face as he did.
“I’m Jake.”
She was unnerved by the way he was scrutinizing her, but responded, “Carissa.”
“Ah, Carissa the writer. It fits.”
“I need to finish my chapter. I have a deadline.”
“Finish it tomorrow and come with me today.” Jake smiled a teasing grin. “Come on, it will be fun.”
Carissa had never done anything like before, but this man was drawing her in. It was like he was possessing her, and she couldn’t say no.
She heard her voice say, “Okay,” and watched herself pack up her belongings, thinking, what am I doing? Unable to stop herself, she rose, leaving a healthy tip on the table for Shay. Two people in one day. Her mind was jumbled. So unlike her.
They left the shop and stood out front for a minute. The river was rolling by and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.
“Let’s go down by the river.”
She would have followed him anywhere.
“Okay,” she said again.
They found a bench near the water’s edge. It was rusty from past floods, but still sturdy. They sat in silence for a few moments, watching a massive barge float by slowly. Carissa was enchanted.
“What do you write about?” Jake broke the silence.
“I’m writing about a girl and her childhood trauma. You know, how she figures it all out.” Carissa took a breath. This was crazy. Why was she talking to this complete stranger?
Jake studied her as she spoke, a battle raging in his head. He pictured her writhing in pain, both physical and mental pain as she lost the means to write her little story.
“Is it about you?” He asked, a look of complete interest and innocence on his face.
“It is.”
He felt a rush, the old need creeping in, shouting down the voice that kept whispering to him, no, no, you don’t have to hurt her.” He rubbed his neck and rolled his shoulders and forced his gaze back to the river.
“Did someone hurt you?”
Carissa had an almost irrepressible urge to run, get out of there. She didn’t want to talk about it, she wanted to write about. But there was something about Jake…
“Yes,” she said and looked down, working her thumbs furiously as she spoke. “Did anyone ever hurt you?” The question came out of nowhere.
Silence.
Jake pressed his eyes shut and the memories overtook him. “Yes,” he said breathlessly. He held his hands out in front of him, remembering the pain. He couldn’t look at her or he would do it. Lacing his fingers together, he held his hands in his lap.
The sound of the river was the only thing they heard, her mind deep into her memories and his fighting to forget.
The silence was beginning to unnerve Carissa. She looked down, trying to figure what to say to get herself out of this situation. But nothing came to her. She could feel Jake staring at her, focused on her hands. His hand began to move slowly toward her and for reasons unknown to her, she opened her palm and allowed him to hold her hand.
He felt tense, the muscles in his arm and neck twitching, his hand holding hers just a little too tightly. As his grip began to tighten, she took her free hand and first touched his face, then placed it on top of his taut fist.
She could feel the pressure in his grasp, her bones beginning to groan with the shooting pain. She covered his hand completely and could almost feel his body start to relax.
“You don’t have to hurt me,” she whispered. “We are both going to be okay.”
The tension in his grip increased again and Carissa held her breath. She continued to stroke his hand. He rubbed an eye with the other trying to conceal the tears that were forming in his eyes.
“You don’t have to hurt me,” she whispered again.
His grip eased up enough for Carissa to slip her wounded hand out, while holding steady with the other one, maintaining the connection with him.
Her knuckles throbbed, but she was not hurt.
“See, you didn’t hurt me.”
She lowered her head to meet his gaze.
“It’s all in the past, Jake. Leave it there and move on.”
She said all the things that the counselor had said to him, but her voice spoke to the anger in his head and for the first time, he heard it.
“I’m sorry…”
“It’s okay. We’re okay.” Carissa stood up and gathered her bags. “I’ve got to go now, Jake. Maybe I’ll see you in the coffee shop again?”
He nodded slowly.
She leaned over one last time and whispered, “You won. You tamed the beast.”
How she knew what he was planning to do, she’ll never understand, but they had been placed in the coffee shop at the same time for a reason.
Carissa walked away, feeling more lighthearted than she had in a long time. She looked back over her shoulder to see Jake still watching the river. She could almost see his demons rolling away with the current.
Jake felt different. He could feel her watching him. Who was she? How did she do this? He looked up to the sky and thought, thank you.
Maybe he actually would be okay.
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