I got my suitcase zipped up and ready. Precious, my best friend, stopped by one last time to give me a very long hug goodbye. I dragged my suitcase downstairs and dad told me to be careful; it was super heavy, but I didn’t care, I would not be carrying it around, boys would help me I assumed. He starting putting my things in the car before calling me over to give me $500 in cash. ‘Good luck out there kiddo; I’m sorry it came to this.’ He said with sad eyes. I had never seen him like this before, I guess there was a first time for everything. I immediately called my younger sister, Astrid over to give her some of the money. ‘I thought I would go with you. She said, ‘ It would have been so cool, just the two of us in Paris; you know, us against the world kind of thing’ I looked at her and smiled. ‘ Yeah, that would be great but guess not.’ I answered, trying to keep the tears back.

I sat in the back of the car with Astrid as we drove to the airport in Atlanta. Dad, Astrid and I went through some of the airport security together without saying a word, for there was nothing to say. I came to Passport control and gave them the document given to me by the French Embassy, the ‘Laissez-Passez’. Just as I was about to turn around and say goodbye to Astrid and Dad the officer shoved me in the line, I desperately looked for their faces but the line kept pilling up with more people. The only faces I could see now were strangers. I tried to poke my head between people and give a wave, only to be reminded by the officers to keep moving. Astrid and Dad stayed there for as long as they could and would wave from afar on the rare occasions they saw a part of my face within the queue until we couldn’t see each other at all. With no way of turning back, it dawned on me that this was it, the little waves here and there had to count for our goodbye. I turned my face towards the queue while holding my breath and closing my eyes so that the tears wouldn’t come. I felt weak, as though I was about to faint; knots came into my stomach so I started to take small and controlled breaths to try to remedy the situation. This is not the time nor the place to cry, I told myself. Just like the queue, all I could do now was move forward; move forward and pray to God we would all be ok. Little did I know, I wouldn't see either Astrid or Dad again for another five years and this was the very last time I would ever see dad standing up.

I focused on a positive outlook. This was the beginning of a new chapter, a chance to start over. I knew the language, even though my French was that of a 10yr old and very rusty since I only practised it with Mom and Dad. I was going back to my home country. No more was I to be an alien, so why not embrace this fresh adventure?

The plane landed, and I was back in the customs queue. the officer nodded his head and pointed me to the exit when I handed him the second copy of the ‘Laissez-passer.’  Somehow my suitcase felt heavier than before when I collected it, forcing me to frequently stop and give my arm a rest. I desperately tried to make eye contact with anyone at the airport in hopes they would help me, but no one even looked at me. Suddenly a tall, thin man made eye contact with. He got up from his seat and walked right up to me ‘ Ah the suitcase is heavy no?’ He asked as he pointed to my suitcase and laughed.

‘Yes, it is! Really heavy’ I answered relieved while stopping to relax my hand and wait for him to take over. Instead, he just laughed and walked right passed me. Turns out, he was meeting his friend who happened to be behind me. I watched him hug his friend and walk away together. As they disappeared into the crowd, along with any shred of hope he would help me.  ‘Welcome to France’ I said to myself while letting out a loud sigh and rolling my eyes. I had to gather the strength and courage to take the suitcase on again.

I came out and started looking for a face that would somehow recognize me. The last my step-sister, Karlen and I had seen each other was 9yrs ago at my older sister, Katherine’s funeral. 9yrs is a long time and I’ve grown a lot since. Would she even recognize me? Would I recognize her? I made eye contact with someone who smiled back and started walking towards me.

It was Karlene. She looked like an older, tired version of me. Her skin was greasy with little to no makeup, messy hair and mismatched clothes that didn’t flatter her body. Her oversized coat had a few holes in it and was halfway zipped up, forcing her to constantly re-adjust it onto her shoulders. You could see at first glance that she had a tough time and had taken a beating by life, but her pretty smile showed she was strong and still came out of it alive.

She greeted me with two kisses on the cheek and introduced me to her guy friend, Luke, who immediately took my enormous bag and suitcase. We drove from Charles de Gaulle Airport to her house in a city called ‘Sarcelles.’ The lengthy drive gave me a chance to look out the window and take it all in; the unique buildings, the compact car in the tiny roads, what the people looked and dressed like; Everything. This was the beginning of a fresh start.