The Beginning

CW: Implied suicide, drowning

Once again, like every single other time, she felt the urgent pulling of the sea. The drive from within, the call from outside, was much too hard to resist. Slowly, hesitantly yet purposefully, she walked breathing in the crisp autumn air. She could almost taste the sweetness of the apples as the scent danced ever so gently in the night breeze. Were it not for the full moon, cloaked in the mystery of the stars, so many stars, she’d have seen nothing, not even her own hand before her face. The night was a shadowed veil, pierced only by the moon’s silver beams.

The apple trees, always bursting with big bright red apples dotted the landscape. Were they out of place? She didn't wonder about apples. Her thoughts were on the sea, always on the sea.

The sand was still warm and inviting on her strong yet dainty feet. Her sandals remained near her sliding glass door, forgotten. The door she had silently stepped through moments ago stood open as if in waiting, aware of what would happen next. The night breeze sent a shiver down her spine as it kissed her ever so gently.

Her very long blonde hair rose and fell with an easy unrestrained passion. For a moment the softness of her tresses settled against her bare back as her nightshirt rose up unnoticed by her. Her long beautiful legs shined beneath her shorts as they carried her closer to the familiar unknown.

Her ears filled with the tempting sound of the waves always and forever crashing as they soared then fell. The rhythm soothing her soul as it disturbingly called to her the same way it always called to her. Mesmerized, she crept a little closer.

She was nearly there, she was so close and yet still so far. She stopped her forward motion and stood as still as a scared squirrel that was playing possum. Like the squirrel she was not really dead but only playing a game.

She heard the ever present whispers repeating the current words, “Come now my child. Everything will be as it should.”

She hadn’t meant to move but the tremble was out of her control. The voice, always the same, always frightening, always demanding, never soothing yet always irresistible tore into her very being, held her and blasted its way to her very core.

She took a guarded step forward as the cloud floated across the moonbeam, breaking the spell. She shivered and hugged herself as she turned to walk back to the safety of her room.

The next night she once again left her sandals as she made her way on her pretty yet bare feet toward the sea. This night a sound in the distance broke the spell. The next night she once again left her sandals as she made her way to the edge of the water. She once again stood as if she were a scared squirrel. This time it was a cloud that fluttered its beautiful wings that caused her to turn and vacate her spot on the beach, at the edge of the sea. Every night was the same, every night she walked, every night she played similar to the frightened squirrel, and every night she listened to the comfortable unnerving voices until something broke the spell. Every night over the past 7,300 days.

As darkness fell on the 7,301st day something different happened. She awoke on this night with the only light shining from the moon. Breaking her pattern on this one night, she glided her dainty, yet strong feet into her sandals. She walked along without feeling the warmth of the sand on her foundation.

Her nightshirt blocked out the softness of her hair dancing on her back. This was not right. She felt the fear as it crept slowly inside until she found herself trembling. She didn’t smell apples in the breeze. She knew this night was? Just what was this night? She knew but she wished she didn’t.

As she cautiously approached the edge, the edge where the beach ended and the water began, she stopped like a frightened grey squirrel so she could again play possum, no not dead like a possum, fearful like a squirrel. One thing remained the same, the moon and stars, so many stars, gave the only light, just like every other night. Once again the only sounds were the crashing of the waves until she heard the… wait there was no voice whispering to her tonight. The night was void of the always present whisper that always called her, a whisper that always came from the ocean. A whisper that didn't come on this night.

She needed the pull, the call, the whisper as much as she needed air. How could it be gone? Why was it gone? What had she done? She barely noticed as a drop left her eye to slip down her cheek. The lone tear made its way down her face until it landed on her nightshirt resting over her broken heart.

She looked outside herself. The waves were rising higher and higher. The trillions of droplets of water swirling, pushing, pulling before plunging over and down to return home where each droplet could meet up with the other droplets. She tasted the salt in the air that tonight contained no scent of apple.

She breathed in deeply as she stood motionless while the moon's rays lit her body. Her blue eyes filled with tears. The absence of emotions was overwhelming her. She felt nothing, no pull, no fear, no sadness, no anger, no happiness. She felt nothing as she stood on this 7,301st night. A night so different yet in many ways resembling all the other nights.

She was standing in her possum spot but tonight she wasn’t playing. Tonight she knew. She knew yet she wished she didn’t. She wished she could turn back. She knew that every one of the 7,300 days, the full twenty years, had led up to this night. This one night that she had always wanted to dismiss.

She breathed in knowing there would be no apple scent. She felt no sand on her feet. She felt no soft hair skittering on her back. With a heavy sigh she took a step forward. By the light of the moon she could see the cool turquoise water as it came and covered her strong yet dainty feet before it pulled back, teasing and tempting her. She took another step forward. This lustrous, rolling water pushed up to her knees before it pulled back. Full of fear, yet fearlessly she took another step.

This step swept her off her feet as the massive wave loomed, then crashed down and all around her. She was tumbling out with the water. Her face was dripping the salt back into the ocean. Her hair was a tangled mass of blonde seaweed covering her face. As she reached up to wipe the salt out of her eyes and off her lips another wave pummeled her with tender fury. She greeted it with pleasure as it covered her entire body.

The water held her down for one minute, then another minute, and finally another minute. She didn’t try to breathe. She passively waited. Another minute passed and she found herself at the top, at the place where air lived. She gulped in the life-giving precious element, filling her lungs before the water pushed her down into its vastness.

She felt small and insignificant against the power of the sea. She wasn’t fighting, nor was she surrendering to the will of the ocean. She was just there, knowing but not yet accepting, not yet denying her fate. The water held her captive for one minute, then two minutes, then three minutes and then four minutes before it allowed her to rise above its top peak.

After swallowing all the air she could, she looked to the north, the east, the south and the west. There was no land, there was no door open or closed, there was no scent of apples, there were no sandals, there were no shorts, there were no sleep shirts, there was only water and her. Nothing else, just her, the salt and the water, so much water. Her eyes strained until finally off in the distance she saw him.

He was there, waiting for her. Without a backward glance she propelled her body forward, out deeper into the sea. Her muscles were exhausted but she had to keep going. She knew everything depended on her reaching him.

She felt nothing but pleasure as her limb reached out as far as she could extend. Finally she met his outstretched hand. She grabbed what he offered. Her body held in his embrace the two were locked together as they swirled and swirled. Entwined in a hold that must go on and on, until the end of time. The swirling pair created an energy that caused the ocean to match its rhythm to their swirling bodies, not following but simultaneously this unbridled power led to the entire planet beginning its own rotation. As the celestial body turned on its axis it also began its never ending journey around the sun.

After a billion years of swirling on Earth, life pushed itself into being, into becoming.

The woman trapped in the embrace wondered if this could last forever. Would there be a night when a woman walking would be feeling the warmth of the sand on her pretty yet dainty feet? Would she breathe in the slight scent of apples? Would she stop at the edge, the area where the sand and water met, while she stood looking out and into the very life of the ocean wondering if he was out there, waiting for her?