To Lay Bare

TW: Violence/gore against a minor, sexual violence.

My parents aren't home yet. If I have to spend one second alone with my thoughts I'm gonna lose my shit. I step off of the bus and make a beeline to Freddy's, breezing past my own house. I hop up onto his porch and repeatedly tap on the doorbell. He hates when I do that, but that means he'll open up fast.

Freddy peeks out of the ajar door, his irked expression softening as his eyes meet mine. He fully opens up and invites me inside. His mom went shopping last weekend, so there's a ton of snacks for us to pilfer through. I carry my armful of treats to the couch and plop down, snatching the remote and putting on my favorite movie, Twilight.

As Freddy sits beside me, he passes me a spoon that I neglected to grab for my ice cream. When I take it from him, he questions, “Will I get in trouble if your parents find out that you’re over here?”

I pop open the tub lid and scrape the residue off the top. 

“Why would you? We’re not doing anything bad.”

“Will they think that?”

“Well, they’re not home so I don’t really care. I have too much on my mind right now.”

 I had texted Freddy about it when I was at school, more specifically when I was crying in the bathroom. I’ve been in love with Caleb Linez since we were in sixth grade. We finally got together in eighth, he’s been mine for two years. He broke up with me today. Caleb’s dumbass friend Luther showed him fake screenshots of me asking him if he wanted to hook up with me. I told Caleb that the pictures were fake but he didn’t care at all, he didn’t believe me. He dumped me and told the rest of his friends about it. The whole damn school thinks I cheated.

I notice that Freddy’s been staring at me.

“I think the way that Caleb is treating you is really wrong. He should have heard you out. And he has no right to spread rumors about you. You absolutely don’t deserve that, Julia.”

I give him a flat smirk.

“Thank you. I’m glad you don’t think I’m overreacting.”

Freddy grunts, “You’re not,” then reaches behind his head and grabs a blanket from off the couch, throwing it out over his legs. We watch the movie in silence.

I lost track of time, they’re definitely both home by now. I get up and I bolt to the front door, yanking my backpack up by the strap while I sprint outside. As I get to the street and look out towards my house, I see that my dad just pulled up in the driveway. I freeze. I watch as the speck of my father grabs his work stuff from the car and brings it inside. There’s no way that he can see me.

I walk two laps around the block before I head inside. Mom greets me, asks me where I was. I mumble something about taking a long walk after school before disappearing upstairs to shower.

As we sit around the table for dinner, mom asks me how my day was. I get riled up as I get ready to give my parents the rundown on everything that happened today. 

My mom wags her wrist dismissively in the air and cuts me off, “That’s unfortunate. How’s Freddy?"

I shrink into myself.

“Why?”

“That’s not the answer I need.”

“He’s fine, I guess. I don’t know.”

“You haven’t talked to Freddy at all?”

“No…”

“Then why did your dad see you coming out of his house today?”

Damn it. I didn’t think he could see me from where he was standing. Dad sets his fork down and interlaces his fingers.

“I wanna know everything you did with him today.”

“Nothing! We talked and ate and watched a movie, that’s it. Caleb broke up with me today, I didn’t wanna be alone when I got home.”

Mom pipes up, “I don’t want you hanging around Freddy anymore.”

“No!”

“Yes! It’s creepy! That man is twenty-three years old, there is no reason that he should be letting you into his house.”

I slam my flat hand on the table, “He’s not creepy! Freddy wouldn’t hurt me, he’s like a brother to me-”

“He’s not!” She roars, “He’s not your brother! You don’t know anything about that man! Do not hit my table!” 

“But he-”

“But nothing, Julia! This is not a debate! You are fifteen years old, he’s way too old for you.”

“Mom, gross! He’s my friend, I don’t like him that way.”

“I didn’t think you did. I don’t know what’s going on in his head, though.”

I open my mouth to object, but my father sticks his finger in the air before he spouts his final order of the night.

“How about this? If we catch you talking to him again, we’ll call the police and see what they think about it.”

My eyes bulge slightly at this threat. Both of my parents silently resume eating, their cool expressions indicating that the conversation was over. I give up any attempt to revive it.

“My parents don’t want me to talk to you anymore. My dad saw me when I left your house, he told my mom and they freaked out. They told me that they’d call the cops on you if they caught us together.”

I see the typing banner pop up multiple times at the bottom of our chat. 

Freddy finally settles on, “That’s probably for the best. I guess I can understand why they would be concerned.”

“It’s not fair though! I told them that we just ate and watched Twilight but I don’t think they believed me. They didn’t even care that Caleb and I broke up, they were just mad that I was at your house. They made some nasty assumptions about you too, they didn’t even listen when I tried to defend you.”

Typing…

“Did I do something that made them start viewing me that way? I wanna talk to them, let them know that you’re safe around me. You’ve been in my life for a really long time and I don’t want a misunderstanding to ruin that.”

I don’t know what their deal is, I’ve known Freddy for literally my entire life. When my mom was still pregnant with me, Freddy’s mom moved into the neighborhood with him after her divorce. My parents loved them both. There’s pictures of him and I all over the house. He’s been to every single one of my birthday parties. He’s taken me and my friends out trick or treating most Halloweens. 

As I reflect on all the time I spent with Freddy in my childhood, he texts me again.

“Is texting included in the no-talking-to-me rule?”

“Definitely. They don’t know that I have your number, though. I’ll just change your name in my contacts. They won’t notice.”

“Cool. Just be careful.”

“I will be.”

The chat goes silent for a moment before Freddy offers, “Hey, I’m really sorry about you and Caleb. It’s disappointing, I enjoyed hanging out with him whenever you brought him around.”

“It’s okay. I can’t believe he would end things with me over such random, stupid bullshit. It sucks though, I loved him a lot.”

“I could tell.”

Typing, typing, typing…

“Where did you say that Caleb lived again?”

With how fried my brain is, I struggle to come up with the answer.

“He’s over in the Chandler Groves area? I don’t know, it’s a big neighborhood. Why do you ask?”

“No reason, just wondering. It’s really late, are you going to bed soon?”

“I’ve been in bed for like two hours. I guess I should sleep.”

“Yeah, you’ve got school tomorrow. Goodnight Julia, sweet dreams.”

“Goodnight Freddy. I’ll text you tomorrow.”

I press the power button on my phone. My eyes are still alert and burning, some small tears sneaking out. I’ve only talked to Freddy today. No apologies or check-ins from Caleb, no messages of support from my friends, no sympathy from my parents. The love of my life dumped me over something that I didn’t even do and I have to cut off the one friend I have that actually gives a shit about me. My head sinks further into my pillow but I know I won’t be sleeping tonight.

I haven’t seen Caleb anywhere all day. He wasn’t with his friends before school started. During passing periods, I would walk the same routes that he would take me down in between classes. I knew he wouldn’t be joining me, but I wanted to traverse them alone for the first time since we’ve been high schoolers. As I walked, I looked around, I didn’t see him anywhere. Distance is one thing, absence is another. I could feel the difference. I begrudgingly texted Caleb and asked if we could talk, I didn’t get an answer. It wouldn’t be like him to skip school over something like a breakup. He’s never missed a day. Even when we were in seventh grade and his mom died, he showed up to school every single day. I’m tempted to call him but I won’t. If anyone deserves a day off from school, it’s me.

As soon as I push my front door open, I’m instantly wrapped up in the arms of both of my parents. This both startles and annoys me. I groan as I try to wriggle out of their grasp. My mom’s hand enclasps the back of my head and holds me still, pressing my face into her shoulder. I let this happen for a bit before I pull away and it dawns on me that something is really wrong. Neither of my parents are affectionate people, to be greeted with hugs when I got home was really rare. I can tell by the tears streaming down my mother’s face and the way that my father is wringing his hands that something major happened.

With a shaking voice, I ask them what’s wrong.

It’s Caleb.

His dad reported him missing this morning.

The last time his dad saw him was at four in the morning today. Caleb was getting ready to go on a jog as his dad was leaving for work.

That’s what he always does. He always gets up early to go on a run.

Dad finally got a call at work that Caleb didn’t come to school.

Upon further investigation, they discover that Caleb never even got on the bus.

A swirliness in my head amps up. I can feel my face flush. My heartbeat echoes in my hollow chest as my parents put their hands on me and assure me that the police are taking his disappearance super seriously.

I ask what the police know.

They’re honest when they say they have no idea, but they know it’s most likely that he was abducted on his morning run.

He told me before how that had almost happened a few times.

My breathing staggers. I have to force gasps in and wheeze out. I feel tears puddle up in my eyes as my stomach lurches and I double over and my parents grab onto me. I take a deep breath and hold it in until I feel like I’ll burst then I slowly release it until I feel relaxed and controlled enough to sob. Instead, I vomit all over myself.

I can’t sleep. I won’t try. I talked to some of my friends on the phone but nothing that they told me helped. I stayed on with all of them for as long as I could, but they all eventually had to sleep. Not me. I’m not going to school tomorrow. Fuck that.

I open my texts and I tap on Ava, the name I’m using to hide Freddy’s contact.

I ask, “Hey, are you awake?”

He’s typing almost immediately after I hit send.

“Yeah. What’s up?”

“Can you come over right now? I’ll open the window and you can come in through there, you just need to be quiet.”

“Yeah, I can do that. Are you okay? What’s up?”

 “No. I’m awful. I’ll tell you about it when you get here.”

“I’ll be over there in five minutes. Are your parents gonna be upset if I’m over there at this hour?”

“They’re asleep, it doesn’t matter.”

We live in a one story house but Freddy still struggles to climb through my window, I have to help yank him in. Once he’s inside and upright, I throw my arms around him and I bury my face in his chest as I start sobbing. He slowly drapes both arms around my shoulders and lets me cry.

When I calm down and release my grip on him, he lifts his arms from me and takes my hands in his.

He whispers, “Are you okay?”

I shake my head no and squeeze his hands tight. When I catch my breath, I tell him that Caleb is missing. That’s all I can get out before I start to cry again. Freddy drops one of my hands to pat me on my head.

“Hey, I’m here, it’s okay. Caleb is probably fine.” 

I sniffle, “I really hope he is… I don’t know what to do. What if he’s dead?”

Freddy pulls me back into another, tighter hug which I reciprocate.

As I’m in his arms, he mutters into my ear, “I’m not sure where he ended up but I know that he isn’t dead.”

What?

He runs his thumb along my cheek and swipes away my tears. He leads me over to my bed and we sit down side by side. He notices I’m trembling and places a firm hand on my leg. He insists that I shouldn’t be afraid. He makes me promise that I won’t be mad at him, I lie and say that I won’t.

Freddy got up at three this morning and drove around Chandler Groves for nearly two hours until he found Caleb on his run. Freddy drove a little ahead of him, then pulled over and got out. They’re not friends but they knew each other well enough because of how often I brought Caleb around Freddy. Caleb apparently walked right up to him.

Freddy told him that I miss him a lot, the breakup has been destroying me and I have no idea how to cope. According to Freddy, him saying this made Caleb break down. Like, actually falling to his knees in the street crying. He wept, confessing that he already started to regret breaking up with me. He kept saying that he did something really bad but he refused to explain what that meant.

Freddy knelt down with him, lifted him up, and suggested they go get breakfast and talk everything out. He promised to drive him to school after they ate. Caleb accepted graciously and got in the passenger seat.

While they drove, Caleb noticed that there’s a chilled, full glass water bottle sitting in the cupholder. He asked Freddy if he could waterfall it. Freddy told him to go ahead, drink as much as he wanted.

He picked it up, unscrewed the top, and carefully poured the water into his mouth. When the liquid hit the back of his throat, he gagged. The random, searing pain made his entire body jerk and he spilled the bottle all over himself. Caleb screams and clamps his hands onto his melting flesh, his skin clings to his hands and tears away like a sunburn. As he shrieks and retches, there’s a swelling gurgle in his voice. The water was burning a hole through his throat.

It was sulfuric acid.

But that wasn’t enough. 

When Caleb dropped the bottle, Freddy picked it up by the bottom and smashed it in Caleb’s half-liquified face. It shattered. When Freddy said this, he mentioned how the acid and the glass really fucked up the whole passenger side of his car.

Freddy drove to a nature park that had a lake. Caleb fainted after the bottle burst in his face, so he was easy for Freddy to move. He dragged him to the river, pulled his phone out of his pocket and smashed it with a rock before he threw it in the water. Freddy laid Caleb on his back, then began to pelt him with rocks, aiming for his burnt patches of flesh and the shards of glass poking out of his face. He took a twig and drove it into Caleb’s swollen eye. 

I asked him why. He didn’t know.

But he didn’t kill him, he reiterated again and again. Freddy stood there and watched Caleb until he saw his body twitch, then he went home.

“I didn’t want to kill him, Julia, I just didn’t like how he was treating you.”

I’m paralyzed. I think about screaming for my dad. I open my mouth but I start gagging. I clamp my hand over my lips to muffle my dry heaving. There’s nothing in my stomach that I can throw up anymore.

Freddy shushes me as he rubs my back, his eyes darting around, looking for a trashcan.

“Hey, look, I would never hurt you. It’s just that since I’ve known Caleb, there’s been some things that he’s done that were pretty… questionable. I think that him being out of your life is going to take a lot of stress out of it, let’s just say that."

Freddy leans over and he opens his arms to me. When I don’t move, he strong-arms me into a hug. His thigh bumps against my hand and I feel something solid. I look down and I notice the outline of a closed switchblade in his jeans pocket. Right next to it is his very visible erection. He presses his lips onto my neck.