Misplaced Priorities

He took another long, deep drag off of his cigarette, and looked out over the vast expanse of concrete rooftops. 

It was mid-summer in San Francisco, the air sticky and humid. down below they could hear the music of the street performers playing their hearts out, just to feed themselves. They heard the car horns, people yelling, kids laughing. 

His face read no emotion, though the quiver in his voice begged to differ. He sat there, dangling his feet that wore the now beat up maroon sneakers she had bought him more than a year ago. “This is just how it has to be” he said, his voice catching in his throat.  

She couldn’t say a word. Everything she tried to push out was caught in her chest, constricted by the pain of betrayal. She looked at him, his ash blonde waves of hair concealed by his dingy grey beanie. His broad shoulders slouched forward in defeat. his long arms that once made her feel so safe, now something completely and totally foreign. This was it. Three years of hard work, love, and pain shattered. The long nights they would stay out being reckless and carefree, all gone. 

She too looked out over the buildings. 

Four months ago, her and Nathan had gotten into a fight because he had gone to a party without letting her know. His phone was off the entire night, leaving her to think of every possible scenario. The bad and the ugly.   

That night he had gotten drunk and high. He met a girl at that party, went upstairs with her, and had gotten her pregnant. The girl’s dad found out, and told Nathan that if he didn’t marry her that he would hurt him really bad. She had just turned eighteen last month. She was a minor at that party. Nathan is twenty-one years old, and could have very well went to jail for statutory rape.  

My friend Eugenia had walked in on them, and snapped a photo before retreating and leaving the party. I was at home reading my favorite book, "Mysteries of the Womb" when she had called me. 

"Beth are you sitting?"  

she asked, her voice laced with worry and concern. "Yes, why?" i asked, my mind raced a thousand miles an hour.  

She sent me the picture then. 

I opened it and fell from my desk chair to the floor, clutching the carpet as if i was about to fall off the face of the earth. I can still feel the carpet in between my fingers. Eugenia was still on the phone trying to talk to me and console me, but all i heard then was the rush of my own blood. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I sat there in that spot on my teal carpet and cried for hours.  

The next day I ended up sending the photo to Nathan, completely numb and broken down at this point. He must've called over thirty times, leaving a voicemail every time until my mailbox was full. At least over a hundred texts, but I didn't care what he had to say. An hour went by, and he finally stops trying to call. 

I heard a knock on the door the next day.  

"Beth, get the door!" my mother yelled. She works three jobs, so she didn't know what was going on. I let out an exasperated sigh and got up off of my bed, to walk down the hallway.  

I opened the door to Nathan holding flowers.  

Not just any flowers though, Lilacs. my favorite. "Beth please hear me out, okay?" he pleaded. he set the flowers down on the patio chair and took my hand in his. "that picture isn't what it looks like I swear. I got drunk and I-I..." he trailed off. he knew and I knew there was no way around what had happened that night. I pulled my hand away from his clammy grasp and took a step back. "I need time to think about things" I told him. His big blue eyes looked like they had been stolen from a puppy. "How much time Beth?" he asked.  

"I don't know. I really don't." my lip began to quiver and I turned away. "Please leave. I don't want to see you right now". Over the next four weeks, I didn't hear from him. I spent my days either sleeping or drinking with my friends, trying to forget him. Nothing ever worked, though. One morning I was sitting at my kitchen table drinking my vodka-coffee, and I got a text from an unknown number. It was an image. I opened it and was puzzled for a second because it was a picture of an ultrasound with a text attached that said “He’s with us now. You had your time.” Then I realized what, or should I say who, this involved. I immediately texted Nathan and asked him if it was true. If he got that girl pregnant. My whole body was pulsating with adrenaline. I still remember the angry heat that I felt welling up in my stomach. Minutes felt like days, and he finally replied.  

“...yes Beth. I’m so sorry.”  

In that moment my heart turned to permafrost. Everything was different now though. Nothing we used to have together mattered anymore.  

“I hope you find happiness with her.” 

“Beth c’mon, you know I won't be able to.” he said. “I have to be with her.”  

“You should have thought about that before you screwed up” I spat.   

He knew exactly what he was doing. From getting so drunk and high that he didn’t feel bad, right down to not wearing a condom because it ‘feels better that way’.” Instead of catching an STD however, he got the girl pregnant.  

“Go figure!” she thought to herself angrily.   

“look Nathan. It hurts. It always will. But we’re adults. And adults have to deal with adult things like adults. You messed up and now you have to face the consequences.”  

“But what if I don’t want to deal with them without you?” he asked, reaching for my hand. I snatched my hand back and stood up, brushing the concrete crumbs off my butt.  

“You already started a family without me, I think you’ll be fine.”  

With that being said I walked away, down the stairs broken to the core, and out of his life forever.