TRIGGER WARNING: This contains sensitive topics such as mental health issues, substance abuse, and suicide.

Remember to Forget

   Written By: Wren St.Madden

"What's your name?" The doctor asked.

"Faith."

"Last name?"

I stared at the floor, my head tilted a bit. My black hair tangled in knots, my skin pale as a ghost. Black circles under my tired eyes. My lips were chapped, my skin was peeling. 11 bruised  ribs, and 4 broken fingers.

"Last name?" The doctor repeated.

I shrugged. I knew it, but I'd forgotten how to pronounce it.

"I know you're dealing with a very difficult situation. My second wife was in a car accident, and I didn't get out of bed for days. But I can't imagine the pain of losing your entire family."

I still remained quiet. The doctor wrote out my name on a chalkboard, he held it up to my face.

"This is your name, Faith St.Raven. Please remember that."

"Faith St.Raven." I said softly, with a slight smile.

"Again." The doctor demanded, with hope.

"Faith St.Raven"

The doctor smiled, one more time, for good luck.

"Faith-"

It was silent.

"I forget the rest sir." I said sadly.

The doctor rubbed his forehead. "Faith, sweetie, I don't think I can help you here. You need a hospital simply for this case. I can't do anything but these simple exercises, and you aren't exactly succeeding in them."

My quiet, soft, raspy voice gasped, "No please, I will practice." I held out my shaky hand. The doctor reached his arm out, and slowly lowered my hand back down.

"I'm sorry Faith. I'll have the nurse collect your things." 

"Doctor please."

"If you remember which of my six wives died in a car accident. I will consider letting you stay."

My eyes got wide, my stiff, wrapped up fingers rubbed my forehead.

"First?" I guessed.

The doctor gave me a sad look and shut the door.

I layed down and went to sleep, and when I woke up. I was somewhere I'd never seen before. Wires were attached to my head. I remembered everything that the doctor had said. I jumped up quickly, yanking the wires, holding out my hand, as if the doctor was right there, and I could grab him and beg and plead for him to allow me to stay.

"Second!"

The nurse burst through the door. "Faith! Ssh! Rest your voice!"

"It's the second one! It's the second one! Let me stay let me stay!"

"Faith. You're at The Memory and Traumatology office. You'll be staying here for a while."

My bright blue eyes began to twitch. "Don't make me stay here. I'll get better, I'll practice my words and facts and the entire alphabet if you want me to! I can memorize all 46 presidents in order if that'll help! I swear I'll do anything! Please, I'm literally begging you!."

The nurse looked at me surprised. She adjusted the wires attached to my head, and in my arms. "Faith, that's the most you've spoken since the accident." As the wires connected, my last memory hit.

I could see the lights of the ambulance I could feel the car flip over into the lake. I remembered the windows, I remember breaking them open, and swimming out. I remember passing out in the mud next to the river. That’s when I felt the blood leak from my head. And that’s when my memory went. 

I started shaking, the nurse tried to calm me down.

“If these wires work on you, you’ll remember almost everything that's happened in the past 2 months. “

“That’s a bit of an upgrade.” I said, leaning my head to the side, banging it against the wall softly. 

“It’s a lot of an upgrade, you couldn't remember things your old doctor would tell you.” 

I looked down, “Yeah well I’m definitely not proud of it.”

“There’s only one important thing, you’re alive, Faith. You’re alive.”

“Who said I want to be alive?” 

“I know trauma like this can cause-”

I interrupted the nurse. “No, even before this I didn’t want to be alive.”

“You have to remember to forget this Faith. Remember to forget.” 

I closed my eyes, the rain drowned out the nurses footsteps as she left the room. I woke up in the morning, the sun shined through the windows. 

“Faith! You have a roommate now.”

“What?” I said, rubbing my eyes and sitting up. 

“This is Donovin. Donovin meet Faith.”

The boy looked about my age, he had brown eyes and jet black messy hair. The type of boy to wear black jeans and a flannel on a 90 degree day. 

“Hi.” He grunted, sitting down in the bed next to me. “ So uh-why are you here?” He asked. 

“I’ll leave you two to chit chat.” The nurse said all smiley. 

I got annoyed, I didn’t want to speak to anyone that wasn’t my family. But they aren’t here. So I guess I don’t really have a choice now. Do I? 

“Car accident.” I said softly. 

I paused, “My memory was pretty much wiped out.”

“So the wires-”

“Yeah, they’re my trains of thought, literally.” 

He laid down flat on the bed, threw his pillow on the ground. “So why are you here?” I asked. 

“My parents were addicts, both of them. We were on my dad’s speedboat and they tipped the boat over, which made me fall out. It was my parent’s way of trying to pull a prank on me. A shark came over and attempted to attack me. But luckily I climbed to the top of the boat, and my dad got eaten, and then my mom got locked up for having drugs on the boat with her.”

“That’s awful, I’m so sorry, who would play a prank like that?” 

“I don’t think it was a prank. They didn’t always like me very much.” 

I looked over at the boy. “How old are you?” He asked. 

“Seventeen.” I said.

“I’ll be seventeen in April.”

He smiled but then remained quiet. And stared blankly at the wall. 

“So you’ll be here for a while, ay?”

“Maybe, not by choice, obviously. Everytime I try to meet foster parents I freak out and have an anxiety attack. I guess I just have trust issues now.”

“With everyone?” I asked. 

“No, just with people that pretend to actually love me. Foster parents never love you. They’ll try to but they can’t copy how a real mother loves her child.” 

I remembered how things were with my family, always so nice and caring. Never yelled at me and my sister about anything really. Unless we failed a test or snuck out. But that didn't’ really happen with us.

“So when do ya think you’ll be getting outta here?”

“No idea. Until they create some portable memory machine, I’m stuck here for a while.”

“How are you supposed to like, move?”

“Uh, I don’t actually know.”

I looked at the box the wires were attached to. Like an IV machine, it had wheels. 

“Hah! I can walk around!”

He smiled, but it wasn’t genuine.  I could tell Donovin was the type of boy to only be happy for someone, when his life is better than theirs. 

It was finally dark out, thank the Lord. I couldn’t stand the sunlight anymore. Donovin was pacing around the room. Mumbling something to himself. I just watched him walk back and forth. 

“I’m going to ask you again, are you 100% sure that you’re ok?”

“Shh. I’m losing count.” 

He tensed up.

  “I’m just making sure cause-” 

He interrupted me. “FIFTY FOUR, FIFTY THREE, FIFTY TWO, FIFTY ONE-”

I realized he was counting backwards, which is supposed to stop anxiety attacks. But I’m not sure what's worrying him now. Is it me? Did I do something? No, what did I do? If he has issues with my presence that’s his problem. 

“Sixteen, fifteen, fourteen, thirteen.”

Maybe it is me. Maybe I’m just that annoying. 

“Five, four, three, two, one.”

He layed back down. “What the actual hell was that?”

“The nurse was trying to get me to speak with possible foster parents. And just, nope can’t do it. Aurgh, I feel sick now.”

He ran to the bathroom and shut the door. He’s one of those people who violently vomits when they’re anxious. He came out about a half an hour later. Stopped in his tracks and stared at me. “Sorry, that happens a lot.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

A week went by, and we became closer friends. Finally opened up about our past. I’m just glad I remembered it. The nurse gave me a stronger machine the same day, that's the only way I could recall my past. But I can’t move with it. I need assistance to walk. And I have to have the weaker machine on if I plan on walking down the hallway. Donovin helped me out alot, more than I even needed. 

We were joking around, and playing shoots and ladders. He was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I was sitting up on the other end. The board was laid across the blankets. He offered to move the pieces for me so I didn’t have to move too much. “Do you really need a stronger machine? Like how are you supposed to walk?” 

“I don’t always need it, but it’s suggested that I do.” 

“Well I say, we should go out for a change.”

“But my machine-”

“Use the portable one. You don’t need to recall anything you’ve known for the past 5 years do you? One night, it’ll be ok I swear.” 

“If you say so. What do you tell the nurse?”

He shrugged. “We don’t.”

He switched out the wires for me when night came. He attached the portable machine. And helped me climb out the window. Luckily, we were on the first floor. We walked through the grass into the streets. “Down the street is where the town is.”

“I’m in my pajamas, Donovin.” 

He looked at me, “Oh- I forgot about that. Eh, I’ll buy you something, anything you want.” He held up his wallet. My dad made a hefty bill. You know, before-”

I interrupted, “No sad thoughts right now, tonight is fun, and fun only.” 

“Yeah, you’re right. Let’s go buy you something less boring.”

He led me to a clothing store. The lights were pink and blue, it was pretty crowded. People were looking at me, and a few people asked me if I was 'that girl' from the news. But I didn’t let it discourage me. I picked out a light pink sundress with a flower design and a bow in the back. And a pair of tan sandals. “Now, we can go. Right?”

“Yeah, but where?”

“I don’t know where you went when you were younger?” 

I thought hard, trying to remember. “I uh, I can’t remember.” 

“Oh, uh, sorry, I forgot.” 

“It’s fine,ok? How about we just get ice cream and then call it a night. Ok?”

“I mean-ok, if that’s what you want.” 

We walked to the nearest ice cream place. I was having trouble getting my machine across the streets. So he told me to wait on the bench across the street while he bought the ice cream. He left his jean jacket on the bench too. When he walked away, I picked it up. And felt a paper in the pocket. I immediately worried, I thought it would be nothing. I opened it anyway. 

My eyebrows scrunched up as I read it quietly to myself. 

“Dear Donovin Davis, 

After a week at our office we think you have improved a lot. We no longer think you need to stay with us. And you can’t afford to stay with us anyways. So we all believe this is the best for you, we ran a DNA test and found that you have an Aunt in Salt Lake City, Utah. We think you should stay with her for a while. You’re free to go, Donovin. It was nice having you at our facility. 

-Traumatology Specialists.”

As I put the paper down, Donovin was standing in front of me. “They’re closed. Bad luck huh?” He chuckled. I looked him dead in the eye and folded the paper up. He stared at it, realizing what it was. “I know I should’ve told you I just-” 

I interrupted him, “And you say you have trust issues. Everyone I know left me. Everyone, my friends, my family. Now you.”

“Don’t I count as one of your friends?”

“No, Donovin, we were never friends. You were just there. A friendship isn’t something you lie your way into. Or buy your way into. And even if you did do that a friendship isn’t created in a week, and definitely not out of pity.” 

“It wasn't a pity! I can’t control if they kick me out! They thought I was ready to go anyway! But that doesn’t mean I would’ve left you!”

“You said you could afford to stay, you said your father made a hefty bill!”

I could see he was getting upset. 

“Wait, is that why you took me out tonight? Because you’d be leaving, oh so this is your goodbye?”

“It’s not like that!”

We were interrupted by gunshots. We both screamed. 

“WHAT THE? WHERE DID THOSE COME FROM? GET DOWN!” He ducked behind the bench. Screams filled the town. 

“I have to help, I can’t just watch this, people are getting killed out there.” He whispered to me. My eyes widened. “Are you insane?” I asked. 

He stood up, at the worst time possible. The shooter was about 35 feet in front of him. I stood up and tried to get him to run. He started running down the alleyway, but then looked back. I was still standing there. “I can’t run.” I said.

The shooter heard my voice. I ducked behind the bench again as the shooter ran down the alley and shot Donovin. 

I stayed quiet though my temptations to scream were practically staring me in the face. Police showed up and arrested the shooter. Which was a woman. I heard the cop's conversations as I looked down the alleyway. 

“Eden Davis. The jailbreaker. Killed your own freaking son.” The officer said to her. Pushing her into the car and driving off. 

My heart shrunk. The alley was pitch black when the car lights drove away. I grabbed Donovin’s jacket and started fidgeting with the zippers on the pockets to try and stop a panic attack. Two smaller papers fell out. My shaky hands picked them up. It was two plane tickets to Salt Lake City. Two plane tickets, not one. 

I ripped the wires from my arms and head. And I didn’t feel a thing. I crawled down the alleyway, still in shock, unable to walk. I felt the gun, the police had left it behind. I held it to my head. 

The end 

(I’m sorry for the amount of trigger warnings in this) 

-Wren St.Madden