The Happy Equation

-We are glad to welcome… Simon Gaile!- the presenter calls, over the excited cheers of the crowd.

Leaping and jumping, a man comes in from the backstage, well dressed and with a gleaming smile.

-Tank you Rachel to have me here! And thank you, viewers, for bearing with me!- 

The woman reciprocates the smile from her comfy armchair, welcoming the man to sit to her right on stage, leaving the left couch empty.

-We have here what Forbes defined as, and I quote, “the most successful man in human history”. You won a Nobel price, for what is now known as the Happy Equation, and then started a massive empire in the digital industry. Tell us about your exploits!-

The man replies with a nonchalant gesture -You flatter me, Rachel- it is clear that he owns the stage, with measured movements and well timed pauses -Actually, the name hides many traps and dangers. We built a differential equation of fifth order in seven complex variables, that evaluates the happiness of a system (a person let’s say, or a whole nation even) at any given moment. But… there’s a catch: it can’t be solved! It’s all but happy- he laughs, before adding seriously -You can’t find a complete solution, but you can extrapolate very precious information, on how to optimize and maximize certain parameters-

-So, you can tell each of us how to be always happy?-

-Almost! I can definitely tell you that Gaile Inc.’s products are all designed to guarantee you the best effects in terms of your happiness influx-

The woman, claps her hands with a smile -Oh you sly fox, putting your product placement in this interview. Still I’m in love with your new app!-

-Now back on track- the woman resumes after a round of applause -Is it true that Vince Sage , your co-worker on the Nobel paper, is gay, and this has caused tension between you, to the point of him dropping out of your business venue?-

Again a smile -You see, when one becomes famous, they stop being a person, and become a character. And character have stories, and their features are meant to support the story. So a gay character, is either part of a romance or a gender inequality story.- He takes a breath -We are people. We are born, and evolve to the person that we are now: not to serve a narrative, but out of sheer chaos and causality.- he closes the sentence joining the tips of all his fingers in a triangle shape. -There has never been any tension, just different plans for the future. Vince was more the “pure science” guy, and I had a business view for our little project. That’s all-

The woman nods -I see what you mean- she turns to the cameras, switching to a low, preachy voice -And to all our viewers, please remember that people behind the cameras are people, treat them with love and respect.-

Again a small pause for a commercial break, when the woman begins -You will be happy to know, that we have another guest tonight at our show… drumroll… it is Vince Sage himself!-

A tall man come in, marching to the armchair in an attempted smile, wearing a nice suit, his armpits patched in wet halos.

-Goodevening everyone- he greets the hostess and the audience in stiff gestures.

The two guests square each other off

-Vince-

-Simon-

-Nice to see you-

-Same here-

It is the woman then, that takes holds of the conversation, showing her marble white teeth with a smile -We were just talking about the Happy Equation, and how you chose different paths- she stops, waiting for Vince to speak, but he squints at her behind his glasses, waiting maybe for a little nudge.

-Simon told us how you were not interested in the business implications of your project. How to you feel about it, given the enormous success of Gaile Inc.?-

-The same as I felt fifteen years ago.- He says, taking almost no pause between the words. His eyes are glued to Simon’s -Reducing the amount of sadness, does not make you happier, it makes you weak.-

-Oh com’on, society advances, we can’t be stuck to philosophies of the ancient greeks-

-We can! And we should. We never found a solution to maximize happiness, just one to optimize it. You made it a commodity!- he growls to his ex coworker

-People are happy, thanks to my products- Simon replies -And my stock prices confirm it-

-You are poisoning people! You give them comfort at the expense of their realization. Happiness does not come with lack of obstacles, it comes with growth, with acceptance… through grief even.-

-Do you even hear yourself? You claim that one can be happy by being sad. It has no sense at all-

-You have always been so good with your math, but always failed to see the big picture.- He takes a breath, his eyes sad but firm -You have made a function that has no minimum, but fails to have a maximum. You sell, to millions of people everyday, absolute absence. Happiness is hard! It is tiresome, you need to fight for it!-

-IT SHOULDN’T!- Simon shouts -Lifting weights used to be hard, but we invented the steam engine. Traveling used to be hard, and we invented planes. Learning used to be hard, and now on the internet every single information ever known to man is accessible lightning fast everywhere in the world.- he stops to take a breath -We strive for freedom from burdens, and we create new solutions. We are happier, free-er, closer to perfection every step of the way, when we don’t have to waste our energies struggling-

Vince shakes his head slowly, releasing a low breath.

-Simon, you are wrong. There is no such thing as an happiness not fought for. You can’t replace what is inside of you with something from the outside. No matter how good your math is, the is no solution to our equation. You failed.-

Simon opens his mouth, readying a reply that didn’t come. His face pale in indignation, slowly turning to a furious red.

In the blink of a eye, in front of the cameras, under the spotlight, Simon rose to his feet, and in two long strides he was in front of Vince, slamming a punch in his face. 

The next day, the headlines all over the nation shouted:

“Simon Gaile Punches Gay Man in an Unprecedented Homophobic Attack - Gaile Inc. stocks plummet”

With a sore black eye, Vince had won his battle