Let Me Have My Time

Today was a pretty long day. I just got off of work from doing a ten hour shift and all I can think about is how good my bed feels. I’m so excited that I can taste the sweet victory of lying in my sheets.

It’s my comfort. Going out has never really been my thing, so I don’t do it too much. When I’m at home, I’m in my safe place. There’s no one to bother me, or to interrupt me while I’m watching the ID channel. I was planning on catching up on one of my favorite crime shows. I had it all planned out: heating up my leftovers of turkey meatloaf and mashed potatoes with green beans. AND I have some cheesecake in my refrigerator calling my name! I am more than ready.

Then, it happened. I’m on my way home and I get a text from a guy friend. Now, I’ve been digging him for a while, but I’m a person that likes to take my time in relationships because it seems these days, guys are not up for commitment much, and it’s hard to find someone who seems invested in serious relationships. When I pull up to my apartment complex, I take a look at his message and he asks me how I’m doing. I respond to him by saying I’m tired from a long day and I’m going to relax by watching tv and eating some good food.

I get inside my home and I start to unwind. I take a nice hot shower, jump into my Winnie the Pooh pajamas, heat up my food, pour a glass of white wine, and happily sit on my couch to get ready to watch my shows. As I’m sitting, just browsing through social media on my phone for a little bit, I hear a knock on the door. I don’t remember anyone saying that they were coming and I surely don’t remember inviting anyone either.

I go to answer the door and it’s my guy friend. His name is Demetrius. He’s kind of tall, but a bit on the slim side. He has long beautiful locked hair that falls down to his back. He usually has it up, but today it's set down and I can't help but to admire it. Although his outfit is simple, he makes wearing a shirt and dark blue jeans look very damn good. I couldn’t help but eye him down for a moment, but then the record scratches in my head. What is he doing here?

“Hey, what’s up? What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Well, I was driving through the neighborhood and I thought I’d drop by to say hi.”

“Um, that's nice of you, but I wasn’t expecting company tonight.” I said.

“Well that’s alright.” He stated. “ Nothing like a nice surprise for you right?”

I feel so bad. I don’t want to be rude, but I’m honestly not in the mood for company. I was expecting to just enjoy my alone time since I’ve been talking to people ALL day.

“Look, I know you mean well, and I really appreciate you coming by, but maybe we can take a raincheck? I’ve had a long day at work, and I just want to enjoy some time to myself and to recharge. We can definitely hang out over the weekend though when I’m off.”

And that’s when he gave me a look. I could tell it hurt his feelings a little bit, but he gathered himself up quickly. He paused for a moment, just shaking his head up and down, like he knew what the answer was next.

“I get it, but I don’t see why I can’t hang out right now for about an hour or two. I did come out my way to see you.”

I hate when guys do this. They try to guilt trip you into thinking you’re crap by not wanting to hang out with them and that is not the case at all. Sometimes I really like to be by myself. It’s so much easier than having to deal with people 24/7. It’s also probably why I haven’t been a long term relationship yet either. I just like my space.

“I know, and I’m so sorry, but I’m just not in the mood to hang out.” I give him a kiss on the cheek. “Next time ok? We can watch a movie and have snacks galore. I’m just really tired, and it’s been a long week of working. It’s not that I don’t want to hang out. I’m just beat.”

Then he made another look. It was a look of disgust and now I’m starting to get annoyed. I’m just trying to relax and he’s disrupting my peaceful evening. He pauses again, contemplating what he’s going to say next and I feel like I’m not really prepared for what’s about to be said next.

“I thought you liked me.”

Christ. I just want to be a couch potato right now, not argue about this. It's killing my vibes. Why is this happening right now? I don’t ask for much in life, I just need my personal space. How do guys even come to the conclusion?

“Listen, I’ve been nice and explained to you that I’m not up for company. I am tired. I would like to go back to my show, if you don’t mind. I’m not explaining myself any further and I don’t know what to tell you. If this is an issue, maybe we shouldn’t talk anymore.”

At this point, I’m very annoyed and highly upset. People think that they can do whatever and not think about the fact that some people just want to be alone. It’s not a hard concept to grasp. And I said we could hang out another time. Did he not understand that? I like him and all, but if this he’s going to act every time I ask for space, then this needs to end here and now.

“I get it. You don’t want to be around me right now. I was just trying to surprise and spend some time with you. I’ll see you around.” Then Demetrius just walks away.

Now I’m stuck at my doorstep confused. Even though it was only five minutes, it felt like an eternity of going back and forth. I get the feeling that I won’t be ‘seeing him around’ anymore, so I just close my door and try to get myself back in a good mood to enjoy my show.

I sit on my couch thinking to myself what did I do to deserve this? I know I wasn’t being mean, and I don’t like conflicts, but I felt the need to stand my ground. Great. Not only did he disrupt my show, but he disrupted my thoughts as well. And it’s over something so simple, such as hanging out. Oh well. I guess everybody isn’t like me. I’m not about to welcome anyone with open arms if I don’t want to. It just makes me anxious and not want to be around people even more. I hate being an introvert sometimes. It can be really stressful. Let’s hope this evening will end on a better note. Back to my regularly schedule programming.