Closure

It’s been a year since my brother Nolan died in a car accident. Climbing this mountain was something we always wanted to do together, but his time was just too short. So I was climbing it alone instead, because I just couldn't let go. His accident was so sudden that I'd never gotten a chance to say goodbye. I'd never gotten the closure I wanted. Closure I needed.

I'd reached the top. Wow. The view from the top was amazing! If only my brother were here to see it with me. I desperately wished I could turn back time to see him again, just for one day. A sadness began to wash over me.

While looking down at the waterfall I suddenly remembered I'd run out of food about an hour ago and should head back. I turned to climb down but instead slipped on a rock and fell straight down the side of the waterfall.

As I fell, my ears were ringing louder than anything I’ve ever heard. My vision became blurry, and then I fell into the lake. It took me a minute, but when I was finally able get my bearings and stand, I couldn't feel rough earth or water from the lake at all. Instead, I felt pavement under my feet. 

Then I heard a familiar voice I thought I would never hear again. 

“Hey Jack, how's it going?” 

It was the voice of my brother. I whipped my head around quickly and I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing. There he was standing right in front of me. My brother that has been dead for a whole year. My head hurt. My heart was pounding. 

“W-what’s today?” I asked him. 

“Um, Tuesday.” 

“No, I mean the date.” 

"May 3rd, 2017. Why?”

 I gasped. The day of my brother's death.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. 

“N-nothing" I responded, still shaken.

So many thoughts were going through my head. What could possibly be going on? How is my brother alive? Is this some crazy dream? Then I remembered my thoughts on the mountain.

“I just wish I could turn back time to see him again. Just for one day.”

I knew it sounded insane, but it appeared that somehow I had gotten exactly what I asked for.

My first instinct was to run to my brother and tell him about what was going to happen. I wanted to warn him about his fate in an effort to prevent this tragedy that had not only killed him, but devastated me.

Unfortunately I knew from reading about time travel... if that's in fact what this was... that if I were to change one small thing in the past it would drastically change the future, sometimes for the worse. This was a concept known as 'The Butterfly Effect' and it was a dangerous game to play. Sadly, I came to the conclusion that I had to allow this day to play out, without interference.

I decided then and there to make the most of it. I ran right back to where Nolan was watering the garden. “Nolan! Do you want to go bowling?!” He looked at me suspiciously.

“You never wanna do anything. Why do you want to go bowling all of a sudden?” 

“I just want to!” 

“Ok. I suppose it would be good for us to spend some time together.” 

“You have no idea.” I said grimly.

We made it to the bowling alley and bowled ten frames. On top of that, we ordered some food, and went to the arcade. It was a blast. Doing all this made me sad for a minute because I knew what fate awaited him at the end of the day. Then I remembered how lucky I was to get this opportunity to see him one last time and felt a little better.

“What do you want to do now? asked Nolan. 

“Water park?” I asked. 

“Yes!” He replied enthusiastically. 

We grabbed our trunks from home and drove to the waterpark.

“Are you gonna go down the new super steep slide?!” Nolan teased playfully.

“Yeah, I’ll pass on that.” 

“C’mon man. You never know when your time will run out. You may go your whole life without going down it.” 

Suddenly I was crushed with a painful realization. What Nolan just said to me was basically what was going to happen to him.

“Ok.” I said. “I’ll do it just for you.” 

What he didn’t know, is that the real reason I agreed to go down the slide was to ensure he would be able to experience it at least once while he was still alive. I knew he wouldn't leave me behind to do it himself. I didn't want my cowardice to prevent him from doing it today in the short amount of time he had left.

We were at the top of the slide. For a second, I was scared I wouldn't make it through this day alive, myself. I had already watched 15-20 different people chicken out and turn back around without going down. For the record, the people who did have the courage to go down didn’t look real thrilled afterwards. 

It was now my turn and I felt like throwing up. The slide looked even steeper than in the TV commercials. Finally I gathered my thoughts, and remembered who I was doing it for.

The good news is that I survived. The bad news is I committed the cardinal sin of waterslides, forgetting to cross my legs on the way down. For a minute or so I somewhat wished I hadn't survived.

Considering my current situation the irony of my inner monologue was not lost on me.

“Great job little bro!” Nolan said as he rushed over to me, patting me on the back.

  “By the way, there's something I want to give you. I was gonna give it to you for your birthday, but today’s been so special that I decided to give it to you now. Follow me.” 

He led me over to the locker we rented and pulled out a present.

“Go ahead. Open it.”

I tore it open and gasped when I realized what it was.

“It’s a scrapbook I made with pictures of all the fun things we did growing up.”

I started tearing up as I looked through all the pictures. Photos from the time we toilet papered every single house in town on homecoming night. The time we snuck into an Eminem concert without our parents knowing. All the great times we had as kids, documented in this scrapbook. It was perfect. Sadly though, the day was nearing it's end. It was time to go home.

“I’ll drop you off at the house, before I head out for the night, okay?”

 “Ok.” I said.

We drove home mostly in silence. I slowly flipped through the scrapbook in the passenger seat as Nolan drove, but my mind was on the inevitable.

When we got back to the house, we stood on the front lawn for a while and admired the sun as it slowly set in the sky. Just like we always did as little kids. We had an amazing view from our yard, and there was always something mesmerizing about this time of day to us. Finally the sun disappeared over the horizon. My brother's voice interrupted my trance-like state.

“I've got to go, little bro.”

He held out his hand for a high five, but I ran right into him, almost plowing him over, hugging him as tightly as I could.

“Woah, take it easy!" Nolan laughed. "I’ll be back later.” 

"No, you won't" I thought to myself. 

He got in his car, and began his drive to the end of our block. I watched as he approached the intersection, my gut tight with an intense anxiety.

I knew what was coming, but I just couldn’t bear to look. As he drove into the intersection, I turned away, covering my face. Seconds later I heard the horrible sound I knew was coming.

CRASH!

My vision became blurry, and my head started spinning just like before. Suddenly I didn’t feel the cement street beneath my feet any more. Now I was laying flat on my back, in a thick combination of grass and weeds.

Cautiously I sat up. I felt incredibly confused. It seemed I was back at the base of the mountain! I looked to my left and sure enough, there was the lake. Then it hit me. I didn't fall in the lake after all. I must have actually landed on the ground, knocking myself unconscious. It's likely that I had a concussion.

 “Wait a minute" I said to myself out loud while trying to catch my thoughts.

Something had occurred to me. If I've been unconscious this whole time, does that mean the entire day spent with my brother was simply a dream? It was a tough thought to have, but slowly the sad, painful reality set in as I became more aware.

I've been here the whole time. The day with my brother never happened, despite the dream feeling so real! I couldn't remember a time in my life I'd dreamed anything so vivid. I wanted nothing more than for it all to have truly happened, but I now knew it was nothing more than a hallucination. Reality was hitting me hard.

  Suddenly I felt very dehydrated. I located my backpack and reached in to grab my water bottle. The water bottle was exactly where I'd left it, except something was getting in the way of my hand reaching it. Irritated, I latched onto whatever the item was and yanked it out forcefully.

At first my brain couldn't seem to register what I was looking at. After a few seconds went by, I realized what I was holding. I had no idea how this could be possible, but didn't have time to think about it because emotions were high, and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. They weren't sad tears though. The tears came from a place of happiness. 

In my hand, was the scrapbook Nolan gave me.

I ran my hand over the cover gingerly, before flipping to the middle of the book where I remembered seeing my favorite picture of us. I stared at the picture for a long time before finally allowing a smile to come across my face. As the last of the tears fell from my cheek and hit the page, I whispered quietly to myself.

“Closure… at last.”