That Isn't Me

Being 20 years old and in college is hard enough, add a mild case of psychosis and it’s harder. That's why a month ago I decided to commit myself to a psychiatric hospital near my college over the summer. That was a month ago and over that month I've learned to cope with my stress, how to ground myself, and how to cope with my past. I sit on my bed in my little white room listening to the soft patter of the rain against the window as I read my book. I look over at my clock seeing it's 7 p.m. the time I start my nightly routine. I set my book down and walk over to my dresser painted a light green in contrast to the white walls that surround me. I pull out a pair of sweatpants and a shirt then I walk to the little bathroom off to the side. I turn the water on, waiting till it’s nice and warm then I step in.

After my shower I dry off and I get dressed, then I walk over to my sink and begin brushing my teeth. I bend down to spit but when I look back up at my reflection something feels….off, I couldn't figure out what it was so I just continued my nightly routine. Over the next few days I felt an eerie presence constantly surrounding me, so I decided to talk to my therapist about it.

“Anabell when you say something felt off about your reflection what do you mean exactly?” My therapist asks, I couldn't tell if he was confused about what I meant or was just trying to dig deeper. “It felt like my reflection was different, like it wasn’t just a reflection… like it was alive I guess,” I tried to be as specific as I could be but even I felt like what I was saying was completely nuts “I know it's just in my mind but over the past few days it’s just felt like there’s some kind of eerie presence constantly surrounding me.” 

My therapist looked at me with a sense of understanding for a moment before speaking. “It is in your mind but at least you're aware it isn’t real. How are you sleeping? This episode could be brought on by lack of sleep or even poor sleep quality,” my therapist explains and the more I thought about it the more I realize I haven't really slept that well the past week. “I haven’t slept much, about 4 hours a night, sometimes 6.” My therapist nods and scribbles some notes then looks back at me, “I’ll have a nurse bring you some melatonin tonight to see if it’ll help, is there anything else you want to talk about?” I shake my head no then my therapist lets me go.

Later that night at 6:50 p.m. a nurse walks in with a little cup that has two melatonin gummies in them, I thank her with a polite smile and eats the gummies then I hand the cup back. I take a quick shower just to wash my body, I get dressed, I brush my teeth and I wash my face, but as I stand back up from rinsing my face dread fills my entire being. Looking back at me in the mirror is me but it isn't my reflection, my reflection looks back at me with a smile straight out of a horror movie and the eyes are pitch black.

I quickly scan the room looking for anything to break the mirror, I spot my book and I quickly grab it, throwing it at the mirror as hard as I can. The mirror shatters and I gulp as I look down at the shards spread across my bathroom door. My eyes widen seeing my mirror self looking back at me with the same expression, I go to scream but I feel something wrap around my mouth as my mirror self begins to rise from the shards floating a foot off the ground. By this time I was completely panicked, tears dripping from my eyes, my entire body trembling with fear, and then my mirror self lets out a sickening screech causing my ears to ring. I quickly cover my ears using my hands but even still the scream was the loudest thing I’ve ever heard.

The alarms throughout the facility start going off and my door swings open, taking the chance I take off running out my door running through the halls looking for anyone. But the more I run the sooner I realize, everyone’s dead. I don’t stop, not even as I run past the dead bodies littering the floor of the hall, I run to the kitchen grabbing a box of salt, pouring it in a circle around me, and tossing it aside. I curl up in a ball in the middle of the circle sobbing as my mirror self’s cackles echo through the halls, sounding as if it’s getting closer.

Right at the same time the sound of police sirens rings through the air and I can see the lights, a flicker of hope lights in me and a few moments later 2 cops bust through the kitchen doors. Bringing me outside to the back of an ambulance where a paramedic begins checking me out the cops start questioning me, “So what happened here exactly miss?” one cop asked, I knew my story would sound absolutely insane especially considering where we were but I didn't know what else to tell them “I…my reflection….it came to life” I stammer out, the cops look at me confused there’ a brief pause before the other cop says something “your reflection came to life?” I nod and looks down. “I know it sounds insane, but I swear my reflection came to life…it came out of the mirror,” I knew they wouldn't believe me but I hoped to god they wouldn't suspect me of killing everyone here. The cops nod and walk away for a moment conversing between each other.

 After a few moments they walk back the tall one says something first “look we know there’s know way you could have killed everyone here by yourself we know that much….we’ll have you sent to a different hospital for now but we’ll be coming to ask you some more questions” I only nod and clings to the blanket the paramedic had wrapped around me.

I’m sent to a different psychiatric hospital and I continue my college education online. The case of what happened before goes cold and I'm released two years later. I hadn’t had another experience like before but I'm still not able to look at mirrors the same.