Adam

Alex Niles is the most popular girl in our school. 

She cheers for both competing teams, has time to visit every club, even hosts study groups. This girl is everywhere at once and knows someone everywhere she goes. 

Not only is she super nice, but she has time for everything and everyone. On top of her grades, her extracurriculars, her social life. Usually when I get to her, she has a line of people waiting. It’s programmed into her so deep, I never see her not in a conversation. Sometimes, I worry that she’s talking to herself.

When she has lunch, she always sits at the same spot, at the only table outside. The people stopping by seem to have a schedule of rotations, but she always saves a seat next to her. I think it must be for me, because she moves it to her lap whenever I swing by. She does it on autopilot, and I feel a sense of comradery with her. I might be closer to her than I think I am. 

We do have one class together, but she doesn’t stay anywhere for long. But, even when she’s busy, she gives everyone she can a smile, and she can smile for hours straight. To be honest, sometimes it’s creepy. She starts to look like the Cheshire cat. If something can be creepy and still cute, it’d be her smile. 

She’s the odd one out in this town, where people have been keeping to themselves since the beginning. Until I met her, I didn’t think anyone could be so friendly. And now I’m itching for more contact than ever. This old, quiet town is never alive enough. I want to leave as soon as I can. The only thing that can be done is pretending like things matter more than they seem to.

Like training for the track team. I hitch my bag up higher and start my morning jog around the campus. Maybe I can get into marathoning somewhere far away. Maybe I should get a cat so that I could have a travel buddy. I’ll keep an eye out for any stray kittens in boxes.

The red leaves crunch under my sneakers. I pass the ratty old bookstore along the side of the college and spotty restaurants. I catch a glimpse of the abandoned concert hall in the far distance and shudder. Even though it’s covered in caution tape, party-crazy people can be found there. I prefer partying at home, with video games. I keep my eye on the old building until it’s out of view, as if someone will come out.

Alex hosts parties there at the end of every month. Long, silky raven hair and honey eyes, good grades and good social life...she’s so on top of her shit that it’s infuriating. 

Besides, if I use those parties to get closer to Alex, I think I’d get farther from her. I don’t need to take up all of her time. And, I don’t need to be creepy. She has too many people around her who already get creepy.

Andrea

Alex Niles is my best friend.

She hands me stuffed animals, studies for tests with me, and texts me hundreds of messages. Seeing her fills me with joy and worry. I keep thinking that she might only know me.

But for some reason, my best friend knows everyone. Different backgrounds, different majors, different schools, didn’t matter. Somehow, Alex has met and befriended everyone who could ever possibly exist. Every eye holds a glint of recognition for her. Every person around our age has a crush on her. 

And she had impeccable memory, too. You could ask her about anything, and she would know the answer; it could be Mary Jane’s favorite food, it could be how to solve the latest calculus problem, it could even be something as mundane as part of our town’s history! No one else could get close to the amount of energy that she had for everyone, the amount of interest she had in everything. 

And somehow, amidst all of the chaos she adds to her schedule, she spends time with me. I think I make her happy? I hope so. Every other person around her comes and goes, but I’m the one person who came to stay. Sometimes, I can see a ghost of a smile, one I’ve never seen on her face before, when she looks at me. Like, something I am, I give her relief. For some reason, she’d choose this one voice over the hundreds that flock around her. 

The one permanent person in the life of Alex Niles is whom I hope to be. Pretty sad career goal. I may or may not be hopelessly in love. If it scares her, I can’t tell. But Alex doesn’t seem to be afraid of anything or anyone.

A blue denim bag peppered with pins clears the dew from the grass in front of me. Speak of the devil! I look up to meet amber eyes. Her long, black hair rains over my face. I grin and let wisps of my smoke meet her lips. It doesn’t faze her at all.

“Put that garbage out, it’s not healthy for longevity,” she scolds, swiping the cigarette. “Forget longevity, doofus. We have a calculus test coming up, and I’m stressed out, and I’d prefer to not waste time worrying about it. You should relax too,” I reason, reaching for her bag.

She grabs it before I can, almost frantically. “Don’t worry about me, worry about your grades! We don’t have enough time in the world for your dilly-dallying!” She marches up the steps, and I bend backwards, watching her black boots disappear and leave behind the upside down image of our college building shrouded in the cloudy sky.

This is usually all the time she would give me, but I savor every second of it.

But every couple of weeks, she throws a party. I don’t enjoy the lights or music or atmosphere. I don’t know anyone there, nor do I wish to know them. But, I wouldn’t miss the day for the world. 

Before and after every party is a chance to talk to Alex alone. She has silly rules. She needs to see someone she knows in every room she wants to be in. She needs to spend exactly six minutes in the library every day after lunch. She needs to have a party at the end of every month. She can only talk to me when she’s alone. Even though it hurts, it’s still something. I still get more attention from her than everyone else in the world combined. 

I can’t wait to see her tonight. I know exactly what will happen. I have trouble remembering anything else in my life aside from our little routine.

I’ll slide into the seat next to Alex. “Hey, need help setting up the next party?” I’d ask. She would meet my eyes with a dangerous glare that I’ve become familiar with. “Do you remember the rules?” I’d nod. The engine will roar as she starts the car, but she knows what I’ll say anyway. “I leave an hour before it starts, and I’ll stay away for the next three hours.”

And then I go back to the party where a hundred people just were, but in that same space, it will be just us two.

Alex

Alex Niles is my name. 

It has been for forever, but it feels like I’m losing the right to own it every time it leaves someone else’s mouth.

I’ve worked so hard, pushed past my comfort zone, to know the name of every person I meet eyes with. I collect people like trading cards, and I check off seeing as many as I can throughout the day. If you stop for one second, the world can move on without you. There’s a way I can hold onto the one part of my world that I’ll miss the most.

I can still feel the pulsing of the music, every beat reverberating through my bones. It feels like it’s been years since the last one, but the invigorating rush can last lifetimes.

I tap out a text to the new group chat. I backtrack and erase it. I bite my cheek enough to bleed. I change my mind and type the same words in. I hit send.

Blood seeps onto my tongue. My mouth tastes like metal. For a fleeting second, I almost think no one will respond.

Vibrations drown out my fears. Messages arrive asking about the address, the time, the people. Some spout confirmations without any context.

A  breeze whisks my hair into the air, and before it settles, I’ve moved my bag onto my lap. "Another party, huh? The school's going to run out of people for you to invite," Adam laughs, sitting down. He admires my waves to almost everyone who walks through the double doors of the cafeteria the way he usually does. "Really though, out of all the people you hang out with, you only like to keep one or two around. I'm glad I'm one of them though," he says, sliding my notebook towards him. 

The way he touches things as if they belonged to him irks me, but I already know what he’s looking for. The only things I mark are what other people need to see. "The homework's on the page with the pen in it," I say, eyeing him flip through the pages. "Really? You’ve gotta stop doing your homework last minute. Your handwriting is getting worse and worse, you know," he teases. Before long, shadows block our table.

My eyes flit from one person to the next. The only connection among everyone is that they know me. I've been getting used to knowing names, faces, and majors, yet other details disappear as the shared glints in their eyes and wrinkles in their smiles melt together. I feel the energy leak out of me with every handshake and fist bump, with every word that has to come out of my mouth. It feels as though I'm wearing a mask, and no one wants to believe there's someone behind it.

"Alex, you'll stop by our club, right?" A brunette asks, a shy blush contradicting the nails digging into my arm. I nod, pushing my hair out of my face to detach her hand. 

"Alex, everyone in our team looks forward to you cheering us on!" A boy with honey colored hair calls out.

"Alex, thanks for inviting us last week. The study group you held really helped!" Another person says. 

I smile, recognizing them, but not really trying too hard to. "I'll be at the club next week, Melanie! And Bruno, you guys better win! Same place, same time for the next study session, Rayne," I say, meeting their eyes in order. 

The number of eyes I've looked into today amounts to over 800. The world is so large, there's no way to know everyone in one lifetime. I lean forward and take a deep breath. It's almost time. With my last ounce of energy, I propel myself into the crowd and weave through the people.

I head to the abandoned underground concert hall, ducking under the yellow caution tape. The floor is littered with broken glass, sparkling confetti, and occasional stains. I kick a couple of red plastic cups on my way over to my favorite spot: the darkest and farthest corner in the large room, where a little stuffed animal sits between potted plants. Only after settling down next to it and cracking open my notebook do I feel ease entering my body.

The sound of voices interrupts my trance. College students trail into the hall, no one knowing each other. I know so many that not one of them matched a profile in the cafeteria. I flip a light, and my dark wonderland is lit by hues of purple and smoke machines cover the floors. Press a button, and glitter cannons go off while music embodies itself in the walls. People merge closer and closer to the center of the hall as they loosen up around each other.

It's too easy.

I run my hand over the etched markings in my notebook, my chanting drowned out by the lyrics of the latest pop song. Darkness spreads across the floor, but no one calls it out as odd. Some even cheer. One by one, their shadows disappear.

One day, I’ll have all of the time in the world.

And I’d use every second to be with someone who didn’t get the time she deserved.

I just need everyone else’s time.

I pour myself a cup of the punch and hold it to my mouth, feeling accomplished.

It tastes like metal.

???

Alex Niles is a murderer. 

She knows everyone, but no one knows her. No one knows about her the way that I do.

Alex talks to herself in her free time. Scrawls...pentagrams and passages in another language in her notebook. She has this stuffed bunny in her bag, and it is so clearly stained with someone’s blood. I see her stay in the concert hall no one uses, and she maintains it like she owns the building. Because she does. She purchased the building another girl was murdered in.

Andrea Gomez.

Alex spends little time by herself, but the space around her stalls. The wind and rain stop around her. Sometimes, her bubble is tiny. At the end of every month, her bubble is huge. I’ve checked how many hours extra she has, and that girl has years of time inside it.

And she can share that time with whoever is in the bubble. Usually, as much as she can, she stays in the same spot, spending stolen time with the same girl…A girl no one else can see otherwise.