Leaving Again

I stared at the woman across the bar. For a second our eyes meet. And just for a second I fall in love all over again. She leaves her table to walk to the bar where I'm currently at. I try to hide my panic when she sits next to me and orders a drink.

She takes a sip of her drink and I silently pray she would go away. She stares at me and I pretend she's not there.

"So, I noticed you've been staring." A sigh escapes my mouth. Guess my prayers are both answered and ignored.

"I notice you've been doing the same." The woman of my dreams smiled and my heart skips a beat. She offers her hand and says, "My name's Sasha."

I know. My heart is fighting against my head. Between wanting to leave and desperate to stay.

"I'm Kyle." We shook hands and I pray that we never let go. But we do.

"So, Kyle. What do you do in this part of town?" I close my eyes at the sound of my name coming out of her mouth. Never thought I'd hear that again.

"I think it's better if you don't know." She giggled at my answer. Clearly she has one too many drinks in her already.

"Oh, how mysterious. I like solving mysteries." My lips curl into a smile at that.

"I don't think you will like this one." As much as I want this to go on, I can't let it. I signaled the bartender to pay.

"Sorry, darling. I have to keep this short." I walk away before she has the chance to say anything.

Sasha stared at Kyle walking away with shocked expression. She didn't think she did anything that could drive him away. For some reason she felt empty when he left. Like he was a part of something bigger inside of her.

She shook her head to get the thought out. She had just met him today. It was nothing.

That was what she thought the whole night and the next morning and the whole day. But that night she finds herself in the same bar glancing at the door every other minute. Silently hoping she'd see his face walk through them another time.

She keeps saying that it meant nothing. That she's not waiting for him. But the next day and the next day and the next week and a month passes by. She still sits at the bar sipping from her drink hoping he appears.

She just about gives up when she sees him. This time not inside a bar. It's not even night. He was sitting alone at a cafe and her heart leapt out of her chest.

With a newfound happiness she walks up to him and sits across him.

"Hey." His panicked reaction didn't match her wide smile.

"What are you doing here?" His eyes wandered around for a moment. "You can't be here." Her smile slowly fades at that.

"Why? Did I say something wrong the other day?" He shook his head.

"It has nothing to do with you. It's just- I can't." Her head lowered. She didn't even know this guy and she's sad that he's not happy to see her.

But she knows when to take a hint. She nodded and walked out. Right when she steps onto the curb an explosion threw her to her side.

The shock from it and the impact made her ears ring. She vaguely someone repeatedly saying her name. A smile formed on her lips realizing that it's Kyle.

"Kyle." She feels like she's saying it but she can't hear it. Kyle's mouth also moved saying something but she didn't get to hear anything before she was knocked out by a second explosion.

"This can't be happening." Whose voice is that?

"Not again, not this time." Is that Kyle? Sasha tried to open her eyes but they felt so heavy.

"This is all my fault." Wait, what does that mean?

"Please, Sasha. Don't leave me again." She tried to focus on his voice but it wasn't long before everything's dark again.

Sasha wakes up with her whole body buzzing. She recognizes the place as a hospital room with the white walls and the beeping from the monitor. At least the pounding in her head is long gone.

She looks down at the man laying on her hand. Her uninjured hand. Kyle. The man from the bar. The man...she married. How did she not remember? Their happy marriage. His sweet smile. Then a car crash.

"You're awake." She was a bit startled but hoped that it went unnoticed.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you." It didn't work.

"It's okay." She stared at him hoping he would say something. Anything about their lives together. He stood up and handed her a glass of water.

She takes his silence as a sign he wouldn't say anything. Or maybe he didn't know that she remembers.

"I remember." He looked up at her and his face softens then changed to guilt.

"Why didn't you say anything? What happened exactly?" Kyle sighed and sat on a chair.

"My job is dangerous. You knew that but you didn't care. We fell in love and got married. My job becomes riskier and I got scared. One day when you were heading to work one of the people I was hunting hit you." She remembers that.

"The outcome of that was that you forgot. Everything about me and....us." He looked at her for any reaction. She didn't have any so he continued.

"A part of me wanted to stay with you. Help you remember. But a bigger part of me, a part I hate, wanted to leave you behind. No danger, no risk. And it worked for the first few months. Then I missed you too much. That was the night I saw you in the bar. I swear I just wanted to see you. I didn't mean for this to get this far."

She raises her hand and wiped the tears on his cheek. Oh, how she missed touching his skin. She pulled his head down for a kiss. She missed kissing him. Their foreheads stayed connected and her tears spilled too.

"I'm okay. See." He tried to pull away but she wouldn't let him. She's not about to let him go again. Not this time.

"This time. What if you get hurt again and you don't come back? I ca-" She shushed him and kissed him again.

"I can't lose you either. We never know how long we have, so let's spend whatever time we have, together." He stared at her teary eyes and he nodded with a smile.

"Together."

That night she falls asleep in his arms and everything's good again. Everything will be just right. Wouldn't it?

He thought about it almost a million times and decided this is the best. He wrote a letter just for her and headed towards the door. He looked back and for a second he contemplated it. Just for a second he wants to be loved again. But her life matters more than that. He can't watch her die.

So for the last time, he tries to keep a mental image of her. Before leaving forever. He doesn't know where to go but as long as it's away from her it'll do.