Esteban

He woke up with a jolt, his burning skin screaming so loudly within his head that he could barely hear his own words, “Maybe this time I’ll do it”.   

He quietly stepped outside the comfort of his village and started walking away into the dark chilly desert, intending to never look back. The subtle sound of the gently blowing wind agitated his senses. He felt haunted, but still at peace. Squeezing himself more and more into his body frame in an attempt to gather as much heat as he could, he walked on. His great search had begun.

***

“Andalusia was the most beautiful place you could ever see. Sometimes if I close my eyes long enough, I can hear the sound of gushing water. Oh, how the mellow winds used to race me! All the girls in my village loved me and occasionally they would even steal a kiss or two on the cheek. Oh, how I miss those sweet suburban days”, he said, looking down at the pair of eager eyes that observed him in his reminiscence.

“Abbu, if you loved Andalusia so, then why did you move to Baghdad?”, the little boy asked.

With a deep sigh, the fine-looking man said, “It’s a long, long story, my boy…”

***

He removed his jacket and put it in his bag. He thanked Allah for giving him the strength and courage to be able to fight the coldness of the night.

He continued on his journey as he walked towards the rising sun. Today’s dawn was unlike anything he had ever seen before. It was as if the entire sky was ablaze. He had left his village far behind.

***

“…I had heard from my shepherd friends, who had started living with the gypsies, that the world beyond Andalusia was vast. They told me of beautiful places- places where the dead were kept in huge pyramids filled with gold, places where the sun was worshipped, and those where people sat silently underneath trees and mountains for years. They told me the tales of voyagers and mermaids, genies and magic lamps, princes and warriors, and angels that fell from the sky. The more I heard of such an enticing world outside, the more curious I became. I knew I had to leave”, he said.

With gleaming eyes, the eager child asked, “But what about Jidda?”

“At first, she didn’t want me to leave”, he said, “because she was scared that her son would never return. But alas, she did what she thought would make me happy. She let me go.”

***

The boy walked on for days, the passion for completing his search embedded in his mind.

He had been without food and water for two days now. The dates and the water he had packed for his venture had been completely devoured.

Dusk was falling and he could not feel his legs anymore. Hunger had made him weak. Carrying his own body now felt like a task. He was exhausted. His knees were starting to bend fraction by fraction, succumbing to the weakness. That’s when he saw the fire in a distance. After days of prowling the desert like a predator in search of a shelter, he had finally found a village where he could spend the night. At that moment he felt like he had fallen in the arms of Allah.

With weak knees, he chased the fire with his hand stretched out as if in an attempt to grab it. He mustered whatever energy was left inside of him. Nonetheless, his body surrendered. He let out an agonizing scream and collapsed onto the sand.

***

“…Ah, the sea breeze! I still remember how it felt. I was standing on the corner of the deck, feeling the breeze as it caressed my face and suddenly I felt a dark shadow expanding above my head. Black clouds had covered the sky. Light drizzling soon turned into heavy showers. There were huge waves. The winds were turning wilder every second. As the storm grew, the captain shouted, “Mayday, mayday! The ship is going down!” I could hear the rumble beneath my feet. Suddenly, the wind threw me to the right. After being swung so aggressively, mid-air I held onto the mast as firmly as I could. The life I had imagined for myself- I could see it slipping out of my grasp, through the gaps between my fingers. I wasn’t ready to let it go. I looked up in the sky to pray for my life and a miracle occurred. As I gazed up, staring the storm right in its eyes, I saw Allah in his rage. I opened my arms up to let his divine presence sink into my skin. At that moment, we were one. As I struggled for my life, I discovered spirituality”, Abbu said.

***

The next morning, he woke up in a small room with an ignited lamp beside him. A man with a long black beard, wearing a black robe and a red turban, entered the room, with a thin mouthed earthen pot in his hand. After seeing the boy who had just woken up, he shouted, “He’s awake!” With a sudden movement, he rushed towards the young boy and made him drink water from the pot in his hand.

A lot of people entered the room in response to the man’s call. In a state of confusion and hysteria, sneaking quick glances of the room, the young boy asked, “Where am I?”

The bearded man replied, “We heard a shout in the desert. All the men from our village rushed outside and saw you lying unconscious. Where do you come from, young boy?”

The young boy told him.

“Well then, you must stay a few days and relax before you go on ahead with your journey”, the man exclaimed.

“Thank you kind sir, but I really must go on”, the young boy replied.

The wife of the man said hastily, “No, we insist. Please do stay. It is Allah who has sent you to us and we must abide by his wishes.”

The young boy spent his days at the village narrating the tale of his journey to the kids, spicing up just a bit with genies and ghosts he never met. At night, everyone would gather up, light a fire, and sing ballads and dance.

One night as he danced to the beat of the drums, he heard the music of a voice, one he had heard several times before. He could hear someone whispering his name, calling out to him. Suddenly, all the music of the drums around him stopped and all he could hear was the call. He knew he had to leave.

***

“The next morning when I opened my eyes, there she was. Her eyes were a golden honey shade as if the sun had birthed her. When I noticed how perfectly her dense hair fell onto her face, I couldn't help thinking that maybe it was her hair that harnessed the wind. She helped me sit up and gave me some water to drink. Even the water tasted like the nectar of life for it was she who had offered it to me. As she marched ahead, I noticed her bold walk; her silhouette wrapped in earth tones as if she had mystically appeared from the ground. She sounded like gushing water.

“The water had washed you up to the banks of my city. You really should be glad you’re alive”, she said.

It was perhaps Allah who had saved me from the storm. I quickly stole a glance at her and I knew exactly why I had lived”, the man told the little child lying in his lap.

***

He thanked the kind sir for his hospitality and bid farewell to all the friends he had made there.

The kind villagers gave him their blessings, “We hope you find whatever it is that you’re looking for. May Allah be with you!”

***

“I could see it in her eyes the very first time I looked into them that we had been crafted just for each other. She was my destiny. I knew it. My beautiful Alya”, the man said with a deep sigh.

“What happened then, Abbu?”

“Oh sweet boy, it was all things beautiful then. We fell in love, just as beautifully as the falling dusk”, he said, “I wanted to take her to Andalusia with me, show her the verdant and lively land, where birds chirped and flowers sang. But she loved the desert way too much to leave it. The desert had found a tender spot for itself in my heart too. I think the desert changes us in so many different ways.”

***

The young boy had run out of all the food and water that he had packed from the village. The men had told him that if he walks towards the south for long enough, he would finally be able to see the water.

Every step he took made him feel closer to his destiny but without water, his journey seemed impossible.

With crippled hopes and a parched throat, he beat on. His undefeated spirit, resilience and faith in Allah had helped him overcome everything that had come in his way.

Suddenly, the thought of his father came to his mind. He remembered the stories his father would tell him at night under the shadow of their lamp. The beautiful childhood remembrances soon turned into memories of fights and fiery tears. He was reminded of his father’s stern vigilance and how he wouldn’t leave him alone. The smile on his face slowly turned to rage.

All of a sudden, he saw a huge tornado of sand racing towards him. As the storm came closer, he buried his face in his knees and held himself tightly. Perhaps it was his wrath that had caused the sandstorm.

A violent blow of wind caused him to land on his back on the opposite end of the dune.

He decided to fight the storm and started walking against the wind with his hand covering his eyes. As the sand underneath his feet started slipping away, he started sinking into the sand more and more. He regretted having left his village that night. He regretted having ever set out for his search.

As he sank deeper and deeper into guilt, he stopped trying to save his life. Holding his hands out in prayer, he pleaded forgiveness.

That is when he saw her.

***

“And I stayed. For her. I gave up on all my dreams and settled with her. I stayed because Baghdad made her happy”, Abbu said, “It is not always that we come across something worth sacrificing everything for.”

“I would sacrifice anything for you, Abbu.”

***

She was the same lady he had been seeing in his dreams, the same voice that called out to him.

“Esteban, come with me”, she called out to the young boy.

He followed her through the storm as she guided him, tracing footprints on the dunes that the sand quickly blew away.

As she escorted him through the desert, he saw a line of tall palm trees. It was almost as if she was leading him to life. 

The heavenly figure draped in the silken sheets carried him to a place which seemed almost unreal. Hidden inside a dense grove of trees was an oasis.

***

“When we had you, we took you to a gipsy your mother really believed in. We asked her what we should call you and she told us ‘Esteban’. So you came to be known as Esteban, meaning the crown of victory. I had won your mother’s heart. You were the crown of the victory of my love”, Esteban’s father exclaimed with welled up eyes, “If only your mother was here to see you today... If only I had looked for her a little longer... If only I hadn’t lost her to the desert... After I lost her, I would have taken you back to the Iberian land and we could have lived happily there but the desert reminded me of her, of my beautiful Alya.”

Sobbing, Esteban said, “Don’t worry, Abbu. I promise I’m never going to leave you.”

***

“Of this oasis, you must drink only a cup”, the lady said.

“Oh kind lady in red, I am thirsty enough to drink up the whole oasis. One cup wouldn’t suffice”, Esteban exclaimed.

The lady smiled and said, “Oh poor Esteban, how fortunate are we to have what we have and how unfortunate to still want more!”

As Esteban drank from his cup slowly, he saw the dark crimson rose that the lady held, the rose that mourned for his father. The hot desert winds now felt soft and lovely like a breeze. He could hear the sound of gushing water. Perhaps what he had been searching for all this while was right within him, right in front of his eyes.

In sudden shock, he dropped the cup from his hands and crashed onto the moist sand. Letting out a deep sigh he said, “Forgive me for I have sinned. Forgive me for I haven't kept my promise. Will you, Abbu?”