I dream of you

So, the Tarot told me to start a “Dream Diary”. Yes, I know there is no “dream” card. No, I won't tell you how it went. That's not important. Let me tell you the story. Can you keep a secret? You just need to know that was not my idea. But I started to keep a journal, and each day I would take notes on whatever I remembered from my dreams that night – usually, not much. And very vague. But then – I started to dream of you.

This Tarot reading was maybe last Friday. Earlier that week, I had lunch with a friend. I guess that was Tuesday. That night, I dreamed I was kissing a different friend – with the same name, though. Of course it was you. You both have the same name, that's what I'm trying to tell you. There you go. I kissed you in my dreams, last week. And tonight, precisely a week later, I dreamt you kissed me. And I kissed you back. Well, basically, we kissed back and forth. Mostly forth.

It went like this: we were together, in some nondescript café. Talking. Smoothly, not flirtily. Of course it's a real word. Well, it is in the Oxford dictionary, anyway. So, we were talking. No, we were really talking. You know, like in the old days.

But somehow we began to be gradually closer, physically closer to each other. This much was mutual. Yes, of course. So was the rest. No, wait. Let me tell it my way. I'll get there.

We somehow grew physically closer. As if we were whispering, but I guess we were not. No, I don't know. I can't tell you what the conversation was about, I don't remember. It was a regular conversation, I guess. But each of us moved a little bit closer, little by little, as if conspiring, only not conspiring, until we almost touched. And here I paused, when our faces were almost touching. I swear I didn't move. Another move, and contact would have been unavoidable.

And then you kissed me. Much to my surprise. Of course I felt like kissing you, I always do. I hope you know that by now.

Oh, yes. A wonderful kiss, it was. Soft, but sexy. Wait, lose the “but”. Soft and sexy. I wasn't expecting it. At all. I could hardly believe it.

You have to understand me now: I always hope it will happen. I never expect it actually will. As you kiss me, conversation pauses (obviously). Long, soft kiss. Lush. I go limp. And then with a lowered voice, my tone much softer and my rhythm much slower than in the conversation we were having, I say: “Sorry”.

You ignore my word – and I decide I'd better ignore it myself as well – and proceed to kiss me, after a pause for breath – or effect, I can't really tell.

“Sorry” would have been the beginning of a sentence that never left my mouth, since you kissed it away. What I meant was – what I was thinking was – or rather – what was going through my mind – I mean – not “through”, as it never finished its crossing. It stopped short halfway through its pathway to wherever.

Anyway, what I was trying to say, or to think – what was trying to cross my mind was “Sorry, what were you saying...?”. Because for a second there, and the word flew out of my mouth (my mind...?) before that thought had completely formed, I guess I hadn't quite realised that the conversation was suspended, and I felt guilty for the fact that my attention had drifted away. That was, of course, before I realised that yours had too.

That's all you have to say? You want to know why does it need to be a secret?! Well, it doesn't have to be. In a way, I guess it no longer is – I mean, now you know. But I was hoping to keep this between us. That's true, you asked other questions. But I did answer them – as far as I could. I really don't remember the conversation we were having. Does it matter? I told you: my attention drifted away. The second your lips touched mine I forgot what we were saying. Well, probably the second before that happened. I even told you I was sorry. No, I don't know which café it was. I don't think it was this one. I don't even know if it exists. But, at a glance, I'd say it was a different one. Less fancy.

I already told you about the kiss – actually: kisses. Plural. Many. A whole lotta kissing going on, there. Yup. I remember it, vividly. You want more details?! Well, since there were several kisses, they weren't all alike. Describe the first? I thought I did: slow, soft, sexy. Smooth. Lush. No, not shy at all. That was not the impression you gave. Well, I say you because it was you. In my dreams, but it was you. And you seemed very confident – right, why shouldn't you? What else? Let me see... Playful. That first kiss had a playful feel to it – ok, maybe not the kiss itself, but more that game you were playing – ok, I guess we were playing, I was playing it too, but I did't realise it at first – you know, exploring that dissonance between whatever we were talking about and I absolutely don't remember, and the conversation our bodies were having, in the meanwhile. Of course that was flirtatious! I didn't say that, I said the conversation wasn't flirtatious. And I said "flirty", we were not talking “flirtily”. I'm pretty sure that's a word.

The kisses that followed? I'm getting mixed up, here. Well, they weren't all yours. I kissed you back. After that first moment of surprise – no: shock. Absolute shock. No, it's not shocking. But that was my reaction. In the dream. My first reaction. But as soon as I realised what was going on, I obviously complied. No, I mean I joined you. The following kisses? No, not a crescendo. I'd say that they were more like variations on that first kiss. I don't know what I mean, you're the one who's asking me to describe a kiss – a series of kisses, in detail. Yes, I do remember. In vivid detail. It's just hard to put it into words. If you'll allow me, I'll demonstrate. No, I promise: I won't tell anyone. My lips are sealed.