FIFTY SHADES OF... SOMETHING TO READ

FIFTY SHADES OF… SOMETHING TO READ

John Cullpepperthwaite was an average, even nondescript, sort of man. The sort you would pass in the street without noticing. An unobtrusive man who blended into the crowd and whose features it would be difficult to recall only moments after you’d met him.

He was thirty-one years old and lived on his own in an average semi-detached house in the leafy suburbs of Ulchester, a quiet, rural town, which, like John, had no particular claim to fame.

Not one for socializing, John - Cullpepperthwaite - very rarely went out in the evenings and then only if he had to attend a works function or a colleague’s retirement presentation.

Apart from one unmemorable date whilst he was still at school, if it could be called a date, which came to nothing and lasted for precisely one outing, John had never had a girlfriend.

Whilst he was always pleasant and respectful to everyone he met, he had no particular friends, merely a few acquaintances from work, although he did speak to his next door neighbour, an elderly widow, who he was quite fond of and whose cat he looked after when she was away on holiday.

The day after he left school at the age of sixteen, John started work as a trainee in the Finance Department of a local engineering company. He studied for the Chartered Institute of Management Accountants’ Advanced Diploma in Accountancy and, after qualifying as a Certified Accountant, he was offered a permanent position in the Audit Department and he had stayed in the same job, with the same company, ever since.

While some people would call his job boring, he enjoyed it immensely and was painstaking and meticulous in his work. For him, there was a certain kind of pleasure in the symmetry of columns of figures and well-presented balance sheets, which tallied. 

Apart from his work, his only other interest was reading and he visited his local library every week. It’s not that he was lonely, he was happy with his own company and his books, although he was awfully shy.

One fine day, at the beginning of spring, he went to the library, as usual, but was surprised to see that the regular librarian wasn’t there. In her place was a much younger librarian, who was in her mid-twenties and who John thought was quite pretty.

“Good afternoon, Miss,” said John, politely. “I’ve brought these books back, but I was expecting to see the lady who normally works here, Mrs Whitehead. I hope nothing’s happened to her.”

“Good afternoon,” she replied, with a friendly smile. “I’m afraid her mother’s been taken ill and she’s had to go and take care of her.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” John replied. “I trust it’s nothing serious. I do hope she’ll be back soon.”

“I’m afraid we don’t know how serious her mother’s illness is, yet,” she informed him, as she checked his books back in, “but I’ve been asked to stand in for her while she’s away. So I’m afraid you’re stuck with me, for the time being.”

“I… I … err… I didn’t mean … I didn’t intend to… to be impolite.”

“Don’t worry, I know you were only expressing concern for Mrs Whitehead. I’m Jane, by the way.”

“H… hello,” he replied, blushing. “I’m…”

“John,” she interrupted.

“How… how did you know my name?” he asked, surprised that she did.

“Your name comes up automatically on the computer screen when I check your books back in,” advised Jane, affably. “I see you’re a regular here.”

“Yes. I come here every Saturday afternoon, after I finish work.”

“You must like reading then… or have you got something going on with Veronica?”

“Veronica? I don’t know anyone called Veronica,” replied John, puzzled.

“Mrs Whitehead… the regular librarian you come to see every week.  You don’t have a secret assignation with her do you?”

 “I… err… I’m not… I don’t. I mean… I… I just come to borrow some books. I like reading… books,” he stammered. 

“Don’t worry, John, I’m only teasing you,” she assured him.

“I… I’d better look for some more books,” he stammered. “I… I’m sure you’re very busy.” 

“Well, I do have a few things to do, but, if there’s anything I can help you with, please just ask,” stated the stand-in librarian, considerately, as John made a hasty retreat towards the library shelves.

As he moved along the bookshelves, hoping to find something interesting to read, John realized that he’d already borrowed most of the books that were there, although he did find one or two, which he wanted to check out. There was, however, one particular book, which he was looking for, but he couldn’t find it, so he approached the new librarian and gave a little cough. 

“Ahem…I wonder, if you could help me, please, I’m looking for a book.”

“Well, you’ve come to the right place, John, we’ve got plenty of them. It is a library, after all,” Jane replied, good-naturedly.

“Err… I mean I’m looking for a particular book. One which I’ve heard is very good.”

“What is it called, I may be able to find it for you.”

“I think it’s called ‘Fifty Shades of… something’, but I’m not sure.”

Jane smiled, as she whispered conspiratorially, “I think you mean ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’, but do you know what the book’s all about?”

“No, not really, but I’ve overheard the secretaries in the typing pool talking about it and they all thought it was very entertaining and well worth reading. One or two of them even said that it was quite educational."

 “Yes, it is very popular with female readers and I’ve read it myself, but I wouldn’t say that it was a ‘good book’,” she replied, knowingly. “Quite the opposite, in fact… although I certainly enjoyed reading it.”

“Oh… oh, I… I read all sorts of books… fiction and non-fiction, anything at all, in fact,” said John, hastily, “but I don’t seem to be able to find enough books to last me until next Saturday.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll check on the computer to see if it’s been taken out,” she told him, “and I can reserve it for you, if it has.”

Jane typed the title into the library computer and, after checking the information on the screen, said, “You’re in luck, the book’s been returned recently. It should be on the shelf under the letter ‘J’. Come along and I’ll show you were it is.”

“Th… thank you, that’s very kind of you,” said John, as he trailed along behind her, but, when she checked the relevant shelves, she couldn’t find the book, either.

“It should be somewhere in this section, unless someone’s about to take it out,” Jane declared, looking around the library, “but there’s no one else here, at the moment, so somebody must have put it on the wrong shelf.”

“Oh dear, I suppose I’ll just have to make do with the books I’ve already got, although it will only take me a couple of days to read them. I usually get a dozen books every week and return them the following Saturday. Then I take out another twelve,” said John, despondently.

“Yes, I know. I’ve seen from your lending history on the computer that you’re a very avid reader. I’ll tell you what,” said Jane, “I’ve a few things to do before the library shuts at half past four, but why don’t you come back just before we close and I’ll try to find it for you.”

“I… I couldn’t possibly put you to so much trouble. I wouldn’t want to delay you, or anything,” replied John.

“Oh, it would be no trouble, at all. I’ll have to find the book sooner or later, anyway. Look, leave the books you’ve already got with me and I’ll check them out for you when you come back, hopefully with the other book that you want.”

Having thanked her most profusely, John left the books with her and promised to return shortly before closing time.

*

Ten minutes before the library was due to close, John returned only to find that several other borrowers were still there and he waited patiently for them to leave, but, by the time the last member of the public had left, he noticed that it was already turned half past four. 

Jane looked over towards him, however, and said, “I’m glad you’ve come back, John, and don’t worry about the time. As I said, I’ll have to find the missing book, at some point. So let’s get started, but I’ll have to lock the outside door first,” which she did, before walking over to the bookshelves.

“Come along, we’ll start on the ‘F’ section. Fiction books are always kept in alphabetical order, based on the author’s surname; in this case James, although now and again the title of the book or the author’s first name is used by mistake. Sometimes, though, they’re just simply put in the wrong section altogether and then we have to stay here all night, searching every shelf from A to Z, in order to find them,” explained Jane. 

John followed her to the section of the bookshelves marked ‘F’,  where they looked along the shelves together, but their endeavours failed to locate the missing book and a search of the ‘E’ section followed, which was equally unsuccessful.

“It looks like we will be here all night, after all,” declared Jane, with an intriguing smile, which disconcerted John somewhat and he simply murmured, “Oh… oh.”

“There is one other possibility though,” Jane stated. “Let’s look in the ‘G’ section before making plans for the night, someone might have thought that the author’s surname was ‘Grey’.”

She led John to the relevant section, where, after a few moments searching, she found the book they were looking for.

“Here you are,” she said, as she passed the book to him, and, as he took it from her, his hand accidentally brushed against hers.

 “Th… thank you. Thank you so much,” he stammered, blushing.

 “Oh, it was my pleasure. I hope you enjoy reading it and, if you do” she said, with a mischievous grin, “there another three books in the series. In fact, when you return it next week, I shall quiz you on the contents and, if you fail the exam, I shall have to put you on detention and make you stay behind after the library closes.”

“I… err… I…,” stammered John, nervously. “I… I wonder… as you’ve been so kind… perhaps I could… that is… maybe… as I’ve delayed you… possibly you might… I mean...”

“Well,” said Jane, “if you’re inviting me out for a drink, I accept, but, first, I must check your books out,” and so began another chapter in the book of love and romance.

End.

Word count: 1805.