Goodbye Max

It was Saturday afternoon. I had been laying in bed since Friday night. I thought there was no point in getting up anymore. Then my mama came into my room.

“ Daisy start getting ready for Max's  funeral.” I started tearing up. My mom hugged me and kissed me on my forehead. As soon as she closed the door I fell to my knees and sobbed into my pillow. I didn’t want to believe it, just three days ago we had been clowning around in the barn, and now he is gone. All I wanted to do is see his face again and feel the warmth of his hand in mine. I wanted to be happy like I was before. 

There it was in my closet a long black dress. I grabbed it and stared at it for a good thirty minutes, before forcing myself to put it on. I looked like a mess. I started to go down the stairs to the bathroom but that is when I noticed a shadow looking at the floor, it was right next to my bedroom door.

“ Max?” I whispered. I closed my eyes.

“ This can’t be happening. This is crazy. I am losing my mind.”  I murmured to myself. I shook my head a few times and reopened my eyes. It wasn’t there. My heart calmed down but I just stared at the spot, a little part of me wanted it to return. I stared at the spot and realized that Max had always waited there for me when I was getting ready. I went back upstairs and got closer and closer. There it was again a long black shadow, with its hair combed to the side, wearing a hoodie, jeans, and work boots. I was scared and exhilarated. I got closer, it waved. 

“Max? Is that you?” I said choking on my words. It nodded. The shadow walked towards me. We stopped as our shadows were next to each other. He put out his hand and I made it so that my shadow did the same. I felt a tug on my hand but no one was there except our two shadows and me. I jerked my head and looked all around trying to find what touched me. The sudden warmth of a hand on my face comforted me, it was rough, it was max. It was his shadow, the shadow on the wall had extended its hand to my shadow's face. I felt what my shadow felt. It was like he was there but I couldn't see him. I sat at the wall trying to convince myself it was just me morning and missing Max. But I felt a pat on the back. It had moved, the shadow was sitting next to me. I got up and ran away. I was scared. I ran through the house trying to get away, hoping that this was just a dream. I looked around and it was nowhere to be seen. I took a breath and tried to wrap my brain around what was happening. Of course, I wanted to see Max again but this was weird. I looked down and saw the shadow again on the floor like someone was standing right in front of me. It reached out again. I shook my head and closed my eyes, but it didn’t work this time, it was still there. I reached out. It helped me up and pulled me towards the barn. I walked with it and prayed that I wasn't going to die. 

As we walked in all the memories of the fun times Max and I had run through my brain like a movie marathon. Tears flooded my eyes and cheeks. This thing had to be him, that shadow was Max, it is him. It had to be him, but how. How was this possible. He died. He had died Thursday driving home from work. The drunk driver hit him. How is this happening to me? I felt a finger wipe my tears. It was odd not being able to see him. It was like he was invisible, or a ghost. But ghosts aren’t real, they are just the things made to scare us as kids. But this was reality. As I watch Max walk around and start doing things I don't understand, I feel good and happy that I have a chance to be with him again. After a few minutes, I saw the shadow's hands go up in the air in frustration.

“What are you doing?” I asked. His hand started forming odd shapes and forms. He was trying to communicate. I took a paper and a pencil. He was holding numbers up. First 8, 13, 15, 11. What could that mean?

“What does 8, 13, 15, 11 mean?” I asked, hoping that somehow he could talk to me. His hand had an A then one finger, B and held two fingers up, C then he had the fingers up. He was spelling with numbers, each number is a letter. 

• 9 = I
• 13 = M
• 15 = O
• 11 = K

“I’m ok? Is that what you are telling me? You are ok.” I asked. Max nodded his head. I decoded the code. He continued showing numbers. 12, 9, 22, 5, 25, 15, 21, 18, 12, 9, 6, 5 were the next numbers. Then it was 9, 13, 7, 15, 14, 5, 25, 15, 21, 1, 15, 5, 19, 20, 9, 12, 12, 1, 12, 9, 22, 5, 19, 15, 12, 9, 22, 5, 7, 15, 15, 4, 2, 25, 5, 12, 15, 22, 5, 25, 15, 21. It took me a little while to figure it out but here is what it said:

I’m gone. You are still alive so live. Love you. 

I looked up in wonder. But the shadow was gone.

“Daisy dear we must go if we want to make it on time” Mama fullered from the porch. I will never forget that moment, I was at peace with his passing. And he will always be in my heart. Goodbye Max. Love you.