The Sorry Standoff

“How could you do something like that to me?  I am your wife.”  

“Can you please keep your voice down?  It is embarrassing when you get angry like this.  The neighbors can hear you through the walls.  Remember the fight the people next to us had last Christmas Eve.  We could hear every word.  The walls in this apartment are thin as paper.”

“I don’t care if the neighbors hear me yelling at you.  They should probably know how much of a fool you are, anyway.” 

“But you shouldn’t be yelling at me, I told you, it is not a big deal.  It was nothing.” 

“It was nothing?  Talk about an embarrassing moment.  What you did to me was embarrassing.” 

“She needed a ride home.” 

“She needed a ride home?  You were gone for over an hour.  You left your best friend’s birthday party with a woman… no… this girl you didn’t know and left me there because she needed a ride home?”

“Brian asked me to help him out and take his little cousin home so I did.  He couldn’t leave his own party to take her home, so I did it for him.”

“You could have brought me along.  You didn’t even tell me you were leaving.  Instead, you left me there.” 

“I was coming back to get you.”

“Did you come back to get me?”

“No, because you texted me and said you were already home.” 

“Brian took me home because you were gone for too long and I was the only one left at the party.  I felt really uncomfortable and humiliated sitting alone on the couch, petting his beagle puppy, by myself. I am your wife.  You should be concerned about taking me home.”

“How would I know she lived way out in Terryville?” 

“You went all the way to Terryville for someone you didn’t know?  What has Brian done for you that warranted that kind of favor.”

“You don’t know half of me and Brian’s long relationship.  You know he has been by my side when they arrested my dad for embezzlement.  He was by my side when my mother died out of the blue, likely because of stress.  Driving his cousin is such a small favor for what Brian has helped me through in my life.  I’m telling you, it was not a big deal.”

“Don’t touch me.  It was a big deal to me.  You spent time alone with a woman who was not me.  What did you do in a car for that long with a stranger?  What did you talk about in the car ride to her house?” 

“I talked about you.”

“Really?  I doubt that.”

“Yes, I did.  The whole time.” 

“What did you say?  You don’t listen to me so what could you possibly say to her about me.” 

“I told her about how we met at Brian’s first wedding because you were sorority sister’s with his new wife.  I thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world and I asked you to dance during the chicken dance.”

“When he married Jenn.  I don’t blame him for divorcing her a year later.  She was always a nightmare, even in college.  What else did you tell this woman in the car?”

“I told her how you hate your job in marketing but you don’t know what else to do with your life so you keep doing it.  I told her about your tomatillo salsa and how it is so good, we can’t go to Mexican restaurants anymore.  I told her about our trip to Kaui last year and how you carried around a bag of rice with your phone in it because you thought it would save it after swimming in the ocean for almost an hour with it.  I told her about a lot of things.” 

“So nothing happened in the car last night and it was completely innocent?  You were just helping Brian take his cousin home?”

“It was completely innocent and I was only helping Brian get his cousin home safely.”  

“I guess I can forgive you for making a dumb mistake.  Say that you are sorry and I will forgive you.” 

“But I’m not sorry.  I was helping Brian.” 

“You are not sorry?”

“No, I’m not.” 

“You can’t even say those two simple words?” 

“I can’t say it.”

“Not even to make me happy?”

“No, I can’t.” 

“Why not?  Why can’t you say it?” 

“Because I did nothing wrong in this situation.” 

“Is it because you did nothing wrong or that you can’t ever say you are sorry?” 

“It is because I did nothing wrong.” 

“You can never say you are sorry, can you?” 

“I have told you I was sorry plenty of times.” 

“Oh yeah, name one?” 

“I said I was sorry when I broke your favorite mug your sister gave you as a graduation present.”

“Really?  That is your example?  Can you give me a time you did something truly awful and you said ‘sorry’?”

“That was truly awful and I am still sorry about it.”

“You are sorry about breaking my favorite mug but not about leaving me behind at your best friend’s birthday party so that you can take a strange woman home?” 

“...Yes.”

“Well, I am sorry for yelling at you when we started this conversation.  I shouldn’t have spoken so loud.” 

“Thank you for your apology.”

“Now it is your turn.”

“My turn for what?”

“To apologize.  I did my part in apologizing for what I did wrong. Now it is your turn to apologize.” 

“But I told you, I am not sorry.” 

“I’m never going to get an apology out of you for this am I?” 

“Probably not.”

“I should just give up and forgive you regardless of whether you apologize?” 

“Yep.  Now come here.  Let me wrap you in my arms….  Come on.” 

“You always know how to get me.  I can never be mad at you.  Why can I never be mad at you?  What is wrong with me?”

“Nothing is wrong with you and I can never be mad at you.  I love you too much.” 

“I love you too.”