Sparrows struggle to walk on cracked ice

I love you more than the all the sparrows in the world. What could you say that could match such a statement? Why would you hurt me? I love(d) you more than you could ever know and yet I feel numb. Was I not enough for you. I know you don’t love each other anymore than the pacific and atlantic touch, but I want more than my face as the proof that you once loved each other. How strong was your love that you overlooked her pure insanity, from your perspective of course? If it was withstandble at one point, can’t you do it if only for a moment? A coming of age is arriving in 26 days time, all I asked for was proof, proof more than my existance that you can put your differences aside for 90 beats of the heart in my chest so that the ocean waves in my eyes might seep out in the most beautiful and positive way. A coming of age is arriving in 26 days time, all I wante(d) was proof, proof that, even if it’s a psuedo situation, even if it makes you so uncomfterable you want to scream, that just for me, your child, you’d withstand it for those 90 beats of the heart in my chest, so I might have the proof that I can proudly show to those whom I love after those 26 days time, that these are mine, that those I am showing you are mine and I love them even if sometimes, someone has caused me much pain, that maybe, just maybe, hoping with my whole smile and love for you. Just one. I don’t want to be greedy. You said you’d never say a word to them, that they caused you trauma. I lied, I want you there, at the coming of age dinner, you’re my best friend. I lied, please suffer for a moment, I am sorry they hurt you, they hurt me too but I still love them even if you don’t. It as though I have I been walking on cracked ice, I must be wary of both of you, it is exhausting. If I am old enough to own a car, buy a home, why don’t I have one, it’s almost unfair. You won’t tell me what happened all that time ago, whatever it was I am so sorry but it wasn’t my fault and becasue I don’t know what it was I can’t not want it still. I want it so bad. If you both offered me

a million dollars a day instead of giving me that gift I’d decline everytime. I’m greedy. I’m so very selfish, I can’t help it - I am sorry, from the bottom of my heart I am sorry. Honest to a fault, I can’t tell you why I love frogs, I know you don’t and even now it is difficult for me to do so, even though the frog has stabbed me in the back countless times I can’t stop loving the frog more than french fries and ketchup. All dressed up, the culmination of my hard word comes in 26 long yet short days. In 26 long yet short days I will take official responsiblity. The final thing I ask of you is to let me be greedy once. Please. Smiles, a neat fancy shirt, dress shoes, beautiful flowers, the night sky shining in the direction of the theater, the frogs hair done nicely and in the frogs best clothes, you are standing there with the most horrificly fake smile on your face that only I can see through, and the frogs is real becasue I think they secretly still love you that or they are they don’t care at all. You have your fancy clothes one and fragrant, vibrantly deep hued flowers for me in one hand with children and their cats and frogs in the background smiling regardless of their past, loving each other or not, they come together for this one day that comes in 26 days time to make the children feel loved and happy. Your smile is so horrificly fake and only I can see through it becasue I know you so well but as I said this is.the one thing that I ask of you that I can be greedy and I don’t care, I don’t care I don’t care I don’t care. If all I get that night is a single shutter, a click, a single button, even if is the ugiliest one in the whole theater that’ll ever get taken, even if only I get to see for 25 years and only take it out to show my children what cat and frog looked like when I was young. Even if it is so awful becasue you are most standing there in such digust of each other, the simple fact that you’d do it for my sake is enough to cherish it so much. I am greedy. Please, cat, frog. give me this, I don’t want any gift, just this. Even if it is a single button being pressed, it’s of high value even if only to me. I love you more than all the sparrows in the world, show me you love me in this way also please.

Friday, June 6, was interesting.

I wonder what the cat was thinking, how did the cat feel when frog walked in? How much do I really know about their history? It seems not much...

I am missing a lot of pieces, oh well, knowing their history doesn't change the future, I can't change the past. Frog seems disinterested and on another wavelength, with all due respect, seems like I am not necessarily the priority, why do you feel the need to have a 50-page-long résumé, when will it be enough for you?

Why...

Why do I keep running back to pick up the frog who keeps hopping away from me? Or who stares longingly at me and bites on my finger just because it is in proximity, and only to blame me for the soreness in its mouth, ribbiting it was my fault.

Interesting, no?