Dust and Trust

The wide grey boards fence us in keeping us in close proximity of each other. We are forced to either be comfortable with each other or work hard together to move away from each other. If one of us decides to invade the other’s space, it can be difficult to move away quickly. On the other side of the boards and across a narrow, dry and dusty road there is another wider, more open space. This space offers shade from tall green trees with wide leaves, grasses up to our knees and a little pool of water, all offering a reprieve from the incessant dust and heat of the day. That little pasture is definitely preferred over this dusty little pen with the dirt that clings to our sweat and hangs on my clothes. There hasn’t been rain for a few weeks now and every step one of us takes brings up a dust cloud. If we run or move to quick, the dust climbs higher to settle in our eyes, our noses, and our hair. We must learn to trust each other before we move into the bigger pasture. He needs to want to stay and I need to know he won’t leave. We have to show each other that we are safe together in a larger space.

I stand out in the dry heat and glaring sunshine, and watch intently as 1,200 pounds of untamed animal stares back. His glossy dark coat shines as he moves slowly away from me. The hot breeze pulls gently at long strands of hair. His eyes are focused on me wondering what I am going to ask next. My movements are quiet and gentle so I don’t frighten him. Asking permission to approach, only stepping forward when we are confident neither one of is going to hurt the other. To him he sees a predator with the potential to inflict damage. In my eyes, I see the same wild and unpredictable danger. We need to build a bond on mutual trust and respect and so here we are. Facing each other, watching, waiting to see what the other will do. Who is going to give in first? Which of us will offer friendship first rather than forcing our dominance over the other?

It is easier to build a bond on a warm day when it is too hot to expend much energy fighting each other and running in circles. Long runs and chases are exhausting for both he and I. Water and shade are preferred and I have no doubt that we will make it to the oasis that beckons from beyond the grayed and weathered fence. Grasses are short and yellowed as the heat bears down daily and rain does not often fall at this time of year. It is summer now and the heat is intense and the days are long. Every morning as the sun begins its journey across the sky I come out and stand across from this magnificent creature. I am always amazed at how still he stands. His ears twitch and flick listening for sounds and his nostrils flare when he is agitated. Long black whiskers feel the air judging the threat that I potentially bring. His large brown eye watches me as I move slowly towards his side. He turns and watches me, his ears pricked forward listening for my voice.

I speak low and quiet and with confidence. A lack of fear in my voice brings a level of trust and confidence to him that means I am safe and will not hurt him. As this is our first meeting in the closed quarters which prevents a quick escape for either of us, I am sure to keep my movements steady. If I am afraid he will respond accordingly. I move until he takes that hesitant step away from me. I don’t want him to spook and run or I will have to begin again. The more agitated he gets, the more work this is. He is still once more and turns to watch me. I pretend to not notice and I bring out a long rope. I begin to play with the length, running my fingers along its soft smooth surface, flipping it slowly away from me. I notice that he has stepped closer to me, his large nose sniffing towards the rope I hold in my hands. He steps closer and reaches his long neck towards me, judging me, trying to see what I have and if I am still a threat.

I move a step away and now it becomes him who is the pursuer. His confidence grows a little and he takes another step towards me. His head lowers and his breathing is even. I can see from the corner of my eye that his ears are still forward. Fear has been replaced by curiosity. My voice stays low and steady, I still my hands. I half turn to meet him and he walks the last few steps to me. He stretches his nose to me and his whiskers tickle my now outstretched hand. I raise my eyes and look at him. He is calm and quiet and steady. My emotions match his and we are both locked onto each other. A deep quiet settles between us and all fear is gone. I reach to touch him and run my hands over his neck, his back, his chest. He trembles a little at my touch but does not move away. His breathing is still quiet. He steps toward me and puts his nose in my hair breathing deep. He is learning me as I am learning him. His eyes are soft and he is not afraid. In this moment between us trust has begun to form. Nurtured I know it will grow and we will have a bond forever. A relationship where each of us would do anything for the other. 

I train horses and the first step to working together is learning to trust and to build a bond of love and understanding and not one of fear. My first hours with a horse is the most important and when done correctly will begin a solid foundation to work on.