The Foolish Assumptions of Youth

"Do you remember the day you left the house Penny",  Jane asked pouring out the first glass of wine of the evening.   

"Not really" Penny answered signalling Jane to stop pouring. "All I remember is needing to go, get out of that bloody house we lived in was claustrophobic"

"What do mean?" Penny said as she pulled her legs up to her chest. Her body automatically became defensive in response to Jane's question. "Do I remember? What exactly am I supposed to remember especially about that day?". 

"No nothing, I know it was a hard time. Just wondered about it really" Jane turned and put the bottle back in the fridge. "As John and Sarah are both here tonight I wondered if you were OK with it, I mean that must have been last day you spent any time with us all together."  

"Well, I don't really, apart from it being a bad time for me. It's not something I like to remember if I'm honest." Penny answered as unemotionally as she could. She didn't like to think about the day she walked away from her finishing her Degree had been the day things had changed for them all.  

They had been happy the four of them all living together but Penny realised that she was seen as the one who had changed it. She knew she had left without a proper explanation but she hadn't known what to say. She walked as she just felt there hadn't been any choice for her or the others.  

Things were different now though, she felt a lot more confident in herself and of course, she had lived apart from the close friendship they all had at University for years now.   She felt happy that she and Jane were back in touch. It had been a few years now since Jane's phone call. It had been a shock, part of her that felt she shouldn't have gone back to her friendship with Jane.  A lot of changes had happened in her life but not a massive amount had in Janes or the other friends that had meant so much back then.

She had imagined this evenings gathering of the old housemates had been planned for a while by Jane. She had managed up until now to head it off.  It had started getting a little bit ridiculous though to still 2 years on be making excuses as to not to be available for whatever reason to join in with an evening where they all met up again.

"What time is John and Dylan getting here then," Penny asked looking at the clock. "about 8 I think Pen and I didn't tell," Jane said leaning towards Penny, " …. he's bringing his new girlfriend too." 

"Oh, really who is this one?", Penny said sarcastically sipping her wine.

"Remember the girl he was seeing before you left, Sarah Harrison ?" Jane finally sat down with her wine opposite Penny, "well it's her! They met up again a few months ago". 

"Fuck are you serious", Penny spluttered as she somehow lot control of her arm and dropped her glass and it bounced on the floor spilling wine everywhere. "Sarah Harrison No, fuck Jane I don't want to see her ever, what the fuck?"

Jane looked in astonishment at Penny, "What? Why not? Pen for god sake what's the matter?"

"What do you mean…?" Penny glared at Jane whilst looking down at the wine she'd got everywhere. "What's the ….. what…..are you fucking serious Jane?" Penny walked passed Jane straight into the kitchen with such a speed that Jane was left just standing rooted to the spot while trying to work out what had just happened.

As Penny returned she saw that Jane hadn't moved and was upset with the way she had reacted to Jane's news. She hadn't expected to be like that and she didn't want to explain herself to Jane, but she knew may have to before the night was over.

Jane and Penny had met in the first week of University. Penny had felt lost in the chaos of Freshers Day until she had seen Jane by one of the stalls.  She had in a panic tried to join nearly every club despite not being keen.  Jane had smiled at Penny looking at all the pamphlets "Too many aren't there? Bet they're all crap too!"  This had made Penny laugh and Jane's easy manner appealed to her and that had been it, friends from that moment. Penny had always been a loner, very bookish, very intelligent and no social skills. Penny knew that she came across as abrupt and didn't say the right things. It wasn't that she wasn't aware of this, she was and it hurt. Jane turning up in her life had made a real difference to her though. Jane had no issues with Penny, she just took her as she found her laughing at her quirky ways.  Penny started to enjoy University and she started to gain confidence that was never there before. Her intelligence wasn't a hindrance anymore, it was seen as something to admire. Penny was happy and enjoying life. 

The third-year saw Penny sharing a house alongside Jane and also two other students John and Dylan. Jane and Dylan were together as a couple back then, the typical University romance, marrying a little after graduation.  The house was a fun place to live and things were as enjoyable as student life allowed. This had changed though in the last term. Jane had started to notice a real difference in Penny. She seemed to lose her confidence and questioned her worth.  She had wanted to be an investigative journalist but gave up her place in an up and coming online publication. 

There had been various upsetting incidents where Penny got upset and she had herself away a lot. She had been seeing John but it was never seen as serious. She had always given an air of arrogance about attitude to relationships. Almost as though they weren't important and wouldn't stop her succeeding. John had been happy to have a relationship with her though even though he was a bit of a campus heartthrob. They seemed happy in each others company and it was never awkward.

That was before Penny started to be strange and ended up leaving just before the final exams.

Jane had felt awkward about the whole Penny situation back then. She felt guilty for such a long time after that she hadn't tried hard enough feeling she should have done more.

The whole weird behaviour Jane believed after Penny and John stopped seeing each other. John had started seeing other girls and it was this that seemed to make Penny lose control.  Jane remembers that Penny would cry for hours and Jane would try to find out the reason but Penny never said.  She spent hours trying to get John to answer the door and would just cry incessantly for days it had been upsetting.  Then out of the blue, she left.  It was a complete shock. Her parents suddenly arrived picked her and her things up and she was gone.

She remembered how she had felt almost relieved that Penny's parents had taken over the role of caring for Penny.   She knew John and Dylan were both right that there was only so much that she could have done and she and they had their exams to worry about. They had all agreed that it must have been some sort of breakdown but it hurt Jane a lot at the time. She had tried to keep in touch over the years but her parents just explained she'd gone travelling. 

Years later after seeing Penny's name on an online article she got back in touch with Penny's parents to see if she could contact her. Having been told when she tried getting in touch after she first left that shed gone travelling Jane didn't raise her hopes. However, they were kind and after explaining she now lived in London and had a daughter they gave Jane her contact details. It had been a couple of years now since they were back in touch but Jane still never talked about why Penny left when she had.  Still, Jane didn't care she was really happy to be back in touch and that Penny seemed to be over any sort of breakdown she had faced back then.

Penny smiled at Jane and tried to make light of throwing wine everywhere. "Sorry Jane it's just, she was the one that John was seeing when I left."

"Oh" mouthed Jane exaggeratedly ".

"I always felt like she was the one he replaced me with," said Penny. "You never know I may have got my degree if she hadn't been around with him".  Penny forced a laugh.

"Oh come on Pen, John was only part of your reason surely?" Jane looked at Penny who was smiling and throwing her hands up in a 'who knows' type of gesture. 

"No, I suppose not and things are as things are eh Jane." Penny smiled.

"Too bloody right and you're OK even without a degree.  Remember, while you were sunning yourself in Europe the rest of us were holed up trying to get good grades" Jane laughed.  Penny nodded her head "Yeah, suppose so" she said quietly.

Dylan had kept in touch with John over the years and since meeting up with Penny again Jane didn't push a Penny and John agenda. She felt they'd met at some point. Surprisingly it was Dylan who pushed them together tonight.

"Jane he's my friend OK and he is excited about him and Sarah. It's Penny and him that need to sort this out not us." Jane nodded in agreement, "I don't get the problem? As I'm concerned, he had nothing to do with her bolt from the university". 

Dylan had always been someone who saw things in black and white. As much as he loved Jane it drove him a little mad that she always got too involved. 

Dylan remembers Penny leaving but hadn't taken much notice of it, apart from how it made Jane feel. Jane kept worrying about Penny and spending time up with Penny in her room. rememPenny kept them awake by crying and banging on John's door. She had been slumped in front of it one night and Jane had taken her back to her room. 

He had bumped into Penny in the kitchen that last week and it had unnerved him.  She just turned her head and had looked at him and starting sobbing so hard he thought she'd choke. He remembers saying to Jane that he thought she was having a breakdown. He'd insisted that Jane call her parents after he saw her like that. He was concerned about Jane, not Penny she needed to concentrate on her studies and she had once Penny left. 

Dylan hadn't thought about Penny until Jane had got back in touch with her. He did admire how she seemed to have got her life on track even with a daughter in tow. How she was back then was never he felt his problem. It was the past he didn't care. He just wanted John and her to socialise a bit more.

There was a loud "we're here' that came through the door and reached Penny with a jolt.  Jane jumped up and went over to Dylan who had John and Sarah behind him. Penny looked up and smiled as she saw John come through the door. 

"Hello Pen how you doing it's been a while" John announced in his friendly manner. He turned and squeezed Jane, "Great to see you, been looking forward to tonight, haven't we Sarah?

"Lovely to see you as always" Jane replied. "Sarah, wow it's been a while. Great to see you again, you remember Penny don't you" Jane turned and smiled at Penny. 

"Yes I think so, it's all so long ago isn't it" Sarah laughed nervously. 

"Nine years ago" Penny answered nonchalantly. 

"Gosh, that long" Sarah replied awkwardly.

"Yes, that long," Penny's directness was a little unnerving but she continued adding "Amazing what is leftover from back then isn't it?"

"Oh I don't know, I don't think anyone can say their 18-year-old self can be used as a real representation of how we are now? " John smiled and pushed on "We were different people then, we thought we knew it all didn't we" he laughed.

Penny smiled and said softly "oh but I did know though".

John and Dylan had both heard Penny but it was Dylan that broke the strained atmosphere, "Stating the obvious there Pen". He smiled at Penny, he sensed an underlying connotation but not what she was trying to imply.  

 "All set for a first, weren't you Sarah?" Dylan continued.

Sarah looking straight at Penny asked "and did you then Penny? Get a first I mean?"

Penny gave a condescending grin and said, "Oh haven't you been kept up to date, I ran off and never graduated. Surely you were debriefed before meeting me".

Before Sarah could answer Penny got up and walked into the kitchen where Jane was grabbing some roasted snacks from the oven.   Jane had the oven door open and lifted the hot tray from the oven with some massive oven gloves. Without looking up Jane said, "that my lovely was childish". They both started giggling and any annoyance at being told off swiftly disappeared.

"I miss us don't you Penny," Jane said now holding a two glasses of wine giving one to Penny. 

"I miss the freedom I had" Penny sighed "and I miss not finishing."

The night continued and John didn't feel any less uneasy than when he first walked in. He had always felt he had nothing to blame himself for over Penny leaving so why was it her she seemed to make him feel bad about still. He remembered his time with Penny and how he had fallen for her. She was always a little aloof towards him. He liked living in the house with her she made him laugh and he had also found her unbelievable beautiful. Her beauty and her intelligence had always caused him to feel uneasy and it seemed that hadn't changed even now. She had a way of making people feel uneasy around her. They had got on well and he had loved that she had shown an interest and they started to hook up some nights after being out.

She would always disappear though in the morning and be out the door and back up to her room without ever wanting to just hang out.  When he asked why she just smiled told him that she may outstay her welcome.  He just laughed mumbling something juvenile in reply no doubt. If it was now though, he would have told her that she could never have outstayed her welcome.

He rejection did get to him though and he told her the night they broke up that he couldn't deal with her coldness and that she felt she better than everyone around her. It hadn't gone well. She just stared and then ignored him for weeks, it was painful he remembers that.

He often felt he should have tried to explain better. He didn't of course what 18 year old would. He just started seeing Sarah and tried to forget Penny. Things had gone weird though and Penny after ignoring him started to want to speak to him. She'd knock on his door crying, pleading to speak. He remembers Sarah laughing and it upset him at the time but not enough to do anything though he had told himself a few times over the years. 

The evening did get through the awkwardness and everyone settled down and had a really good time. Sarah even joined in with some of the old University stories and the night was so good that Penny started questioning her past choice of walking away from the house and her friends all those years ago. She had known her and John had been special but she felt hurt when he told her she was cold.  It was a blow straight to her confidence and this, in turn, made her start to question everything. It was as though all the past hurt she'd suffered as a child when she had been so lonely came out. She had lost her grip on her reality at the time and the choices she felt she had to make where pretty much made under a time of great stress and she hadn't been herself. She believed she couldn't express herself and that people despised her. She didn't know how to tell her friends what she wanted them to know. Instead, she had run away and left her life there behind.

Tonight back amongst these friends who had meant so much to her once had given Penny a strength she didn't have back when she walked away. It was time. As John and Sarah stood up to leave Penny felt that she needed to tell them all finally. As the last of the goodnights were being said John turned and told Penny what she had been thinking.  "It'll be really good to meet up again soon. It's been a great night." John smiled as he put his coat on. " And Penny I can't wait to meet your daughter she sounds great, Jane says she's beautiful too, get's that from you obviously"  Penny smiled and said back, "I agree, You need to meet her, it can't be any longer, it should never have been this long, I am so sorry".  Penny looked for just a few seconds straight at John and then she turned, leaving her story with them at last.

Elise Henry

2983 Words