The Comforting Shadows

It has been thirty years since she walked up the stairs of the Old Queenslander, knowing if she ever returned it would never be the same. 

Her brother had inherited the house when their parents passed away. It had not been an easy transition for her, she knew it would someday happen, but did not envisage how everything changed from that moment. He had passed away recently, leaving the old farmhouse to her.

He had tried to keep the old house upright and standing, but little money and ill health forced him to neglect the urgent need for repairs. The house was now on a nasty lean, the floorboards rotting, and the brick chimney had fallen down. The lovely old Queenslander, with its large rooms, long hallway spreading through the house, and onto the front veranda which scalloped around the house, was now a derelict old farmhouse. 

As she moved through the house, the shadows in the rooms seemed to move around her. A window was broken somewhere, letting a small breeze flow into the house, net curtains on the windows softly moving as if to the rhythm of the breeze.

She grew up in the old Queenslander, daughter of dairy farmer and a mother whose life revolved around her family and her home. She loved the sweet smell of cattle milling around in the paddocks, chooks in the hen house, with old fashioned barns a happy playground for children. 

She remembers the soft cheeks of her mother as she had kissed her goodbye the last time she saw her, and the sad look on her father’s face as he knew then he was truly alone. He did not live long after she passed; keen to be with his lovely “brown eyed girl” and their two sweet girls who passed away when very young.

Stepping into the kitchen, memories of her mother cooking on the old fashioned Rayburn wood stove were blinding her of what she was really seeing.

Moving around the kitchen, again the shadows are there, inviting her in, calming her nerves and seemingly enveloping her with their love. The kitchen is as her mother left it, the wooden table still standing in the middle of the room, surrounded now by old broken down chairs. The leather chaise still sits in the corner of the room, its coverings ripped and torn, with stuffing coming out in all directions. The wonderful stove where her mother had cooked many roast dinners and beautiful sponge cakes was now covered in soot, rarely cleaned, with the door hanging off its hinges. The old wood box, where her father kept the wood for the stove was still there, a reminder of times gone by.

A tear rolls down her face, but still the shadows surround her. She can mend the couch, replace the old chairs, scrub the table till it is like new, maybe then the kitchen will come back to life. The shadows seem to agree, they meld back into the corners of the room, and she knows they will reappear again when she needs them.

She wanders into hallway carefully; rotting boards are jutting up to catch her foot, and steps slowly into the lounge. Again the shadows are all around her, beckoning her to come in. The old fireplace is still there. It had never been used in her lifetime, however the mantelpiece still holds the precious photos of her two beautiful sisters, who died before she was born, but never forgotten. She takes down the photos, brushing the dust off the glass; placing them back on the mantelpiece as her mother had done many years ago.

She strolls up the hallway, into the bathroom, the old bath tub still standing on its lions paw feet. The shadows mingle around, enticing her to look in the mirror of the old fashioned dresser, she does not see the old woman she is now, but a young girl, keen to move into womanhood.

The room was a big room, with her mother’s sewing machine placed in the corner. Here she created dresses in the latest fashion for her to wear. A little work would be needed here, but she could bring this room back to its former glory. The shadows seemed to be happier now, and shimmered back to their corners.

Venturing out of the room, back into the hallway, more shadows appeared, beckoning her again to see the other rooms. She steps into her old bedroom, with the wonderful old dresser and heavy wooden wardrobes. She opened one of the doors of the wardrobe; the musty smell tickled her nostrils, not a pleasant smell. Old clothes were jammed into the corners of the wardrobe and she quickly closed the door, not wanting the smell in permeate the room.

Continuing up the hallway, she went into her parents’ bedroom; the shadows were mingling around, caressing her as if they were trying to hold her close. She could still see the old fashioned iron bed, and the duchess dresser with doilies sitting under her mother’s precious crystal dresser set.  She wonders where the crystal dresser set is now. Her brother and his family moved in very quickly after her father passed away, the boys not really caring where they played, with their boisterous games raging havoc in the house.

She moved out of the room, this time the shadows followed her, seemingly not wanting her to leave. She opened the front door, onto the veranda. 

Memories of her grandmother’s one hundredth birthday passed through her mind, bright tablecloths on long trestle tables, people milling around, wishing the centenarian a happy life. She stepped off the veranda, onto the front lawn, palm trees still standing, with their fronds scattered around the lawn, unkempt hedges shielding the house from the world.

She shook her head, not sure if she had the stamina to bring this beautiful old farmhouse back to its former glory. From the corner of her eye, the shadows had now joined her, swirling around her, imploring her to stay. There was no way she could leave now.

She walked back into the house, the shadows following her, back down the hallway to the kitchen. 

Her steadfast resolute now in full swing, she started making lists in her head of what needed to be attended to first. She knew she must leave soon, but could not find the will to walk back down the stairs. She would stay a little longer, look more carefully around the old Queenslander, working out how to start the move back to her old home, allowing the shadows to find the peace she knew they wanted.