Sessions

March 18

“You are very quiet today. What’s on your mind?”

“Mmmm…I don’t know if I want to talk about this just yet.”

“I can see it bothers you. Why don’t you try?”

“It will sound silly… I … Well, in the last couple of weeks I keep seeing the same dream. It comes to me every night. It was curious at first but now… now it bothers me.”

“Do you think about it during the day?”

“Well, NOW I do. I didn’t at first but the more it happened the more I couldn’t shake it off.”

“Do you want to tell me what it is about?”

“Eh. Not yet, not in detail anyway. It’s about a guy but…it’s weird.”

“How weird? Is it violent?”

“No, not at all! It’s like…I don’t know how to explain it!”

“Well, I see you are getting frustrated, would you like to table this topic for another time?”

April 1

“How are you? Have you been doing the exercise we discussed last time?”

“Yes, I guess…”

“Do you feel like more positive energy is flowing through your thoughts?”

“Not really.”

“Hmmm, that’s a heavy sigh. Are you still bothered by your dreams?”

“Yes, I am! Every day! They are getting more and more colorful, almost life-like! Sometimes …”

“Sometimes what? It’s important that you finish that sentence.”

“Well, it will sound crazy! But sometimes I feel so happy in those dreams, I don’t want to wake up! But then the alarm goes off and I have to get up and go to work and I’m almost in tears that it didn’t happen for real!”

“Are you ready to talk about it?”

“Maybe, it’s about this guy… he is handsome, he has a good sense of humor.”

“And that’s important to you?”

“That he’s good-looking or that he is funny?”

“Both.”

“His sense of humor is very appealing to me. I always thought that only smart people can afford to be funny. They are quick on their feet with their responses and they know the right timing. One must have a special skill to be able to do that. I’m not funny at all, I can’t remember a joke to save my life but I can appreciate one and I LOVE to laugh! It makes me very happy.”

“Do you think you’ve ever seen this guy somewhere? Maybe in a club or at a party?”

“No! I’m certain of that. Trust me, I have been thinking about this non-stop for the last three months. I have never seen him in my life!”

“If you have to write it down, how would you describe him?”

“Dreamy…Sorry, just trying to make it funny and, as you can see, I am really not good at it. How would I describe him…He has longer hair and it kind of falls around his face but it suits him. It doesn’t make him look feminine at all. He has this sort of Keanu Reeves look about him, maybe a bit shaggy but classy. He’s blonde, he has dimples on his cheeks when he smiles. He’s tan and I think he’s tall but it’s hard to tell because I always see him next to me or in front of me but not with me so I don’t know for sure.”

“Well, you just described half of the male population of Hollywood.”

“Yes, except… he has very unusual eyes. Maybe he has some ancestors from Asia but they are almost almond-shaped and very, very green, like the summer grass after it rains.”

“Interesting. Do you know his name?”

“No… In my dream he is the one who always talks, it’s like I’m not allowed to speak. Or maybe I’m afraid to say something stupid. Oh, I don’t know. You want to hear something even crazier?”

“Of course.”

“I caught myself talking to him in my head, during the day. When I get a cup of coffee or make a salad for lunch. I imagine how I would ask him if he takes his coffee with milk and sugar or what kind of dressing he would like. I’m going nuts!”

“Did you ever think that maybe you just feel lonely? You’ve lived through some significant trauma, losing so many people close to you in that crash. It would make sense if you are trying to find comfort in someone like him… Did you hear me?”

“I did…I just… I don’t think that’s it. It feels so real! Anyway, I came up with a name for him. I call him George. Maybe because I am trying to be funny again or I’m just curious about him. It just sounds so cute in my head to refer to him as Georgie… Hey, Georgie, would you take Bear out for a walk? Or Georgie, honey, should we go to the beach today?”

“Sounds like you are having a relationship with your imaginary friend and we were talking about you trying to put yourself out there more.”

“You don’t get it. Every time I go out, I get frustrated because no one compares to him!”

“But we do need to remember that Georgie is not real, right?”

May 10

“Today, we went to the beach, Georgie and I. Turns out, he’s a great swimmer. He has a nice body. Not too buff or too slim, just right!”

“Do you think he represents your ideal man?”

“You know, I actually thought about it and he is not! I always liked guys that were more …I don’t know, maybe more colorful? Kind of like Italian guys. When I was a teenager, I thought that no one could be more attractive than Sylvester Stallone. Georgie is more ordinary-looking if I’m being perfectly honest. He’s handsome, he has great hair and very expressive eyes but he is not a model…I just like the way he talks and how he holds my hand. We have such a great time together. I mean, in my dreams! Sometimes I wonder if he loves me…”

“I have to remind you that he is not real, he exists only in your dream and I’m starting to wonder if this obsession may become harmful for you in the long run. You can’t continue to live in your visions.”

“Why not?! He makes me happy! This is the first time in five years that I’m not crying myself to sleep! I’m smiling all day long and fall asleep happy because I know I will see him again. What’s so wrong about it?”

“Where do I start…”

July 6

“We finally did it! Georgie took me downtown to see the Macy’s 4^th of July fireworks. He’s such a gentleman! And then we came back to his place and he said it was very romantic that the skies were constantly flushing with different colors and people were yelling on the street. He said it felt like the whole world was coming to an end and we were the only survivors. So… we did it! I never had such a powerful orgasm. It was worth the wait.”

“I know, you have been talking about it for a long time. And you were alone for the last few years so it’s possible that you had an ejaculation in your dream.”

“No! It felt too real! Even when I woke up, I could still feel him next to me.”

“Maybe we can try to talk about something else. Do you still participate in the group activities we discussed?”

“Nea, I don’t want to waste my time on that.”

“Are you…You know what, why don’t you describe your typical day for me?”

“Well, I hear the alarm, it has the most annoying buzzing sound. Like a whole bee hive decided to land on my nightstand. Kind of like … BUAZZZZZZZZZZ. But funny enough, it’s the only sound that can wake me up.”

“And then you get coffee?”

“First, I hit the shower and think about the night and what I dreamed about. I try to go through every single detail so I don’t forget about it, ever. You know, when my friends start telling me about how they spent their weekends with their significant others, I’m so tempted to tell them about Georgie! But I know they wouldn’t understand. They’d think I’m jealous of them or something! But you know what’s the best thing about him?”

“What is that?”

“No one can steal him away from me! There are no relatives, no ‘other women’.”

“Sounds like your insecurity is raising its head again. Are you afraid to start a real relationship because you are worried that someone will take away your new partner? We talked about it – you are not to blame for that crash! Your husband and your sister made their own choice! You are not responsible for them leaving! He knew the car wasn’t safe to drive but he took it anyway!”

“That’s not true! I explained to you before – he thought it was fixed! I told him I’d take it to the shop but I never did! I was so scared he would yell at me again about not doing what I promised so I lied! And he left, and she left with him! I could have stopped them. I could have told him but I didn’t! I was too mad!..”

“Do you need a minute?”

“…No…”

“Here are a few tissues, if you want them.”

“Anyway, this has nothing to do with them! God, what do you not get? I literally have never been so happy in my life! Georgie makes me so happy!”

“Why don’t you continue describing your day for me?”

“Well, it’s pretty ordinary. I get some coffee; I order 2 drinks when my local coffee shop runs a special on Thursdays – love their swirled mocha! Then I walk to work if the weather is nice. Otherwise, I take the subway. It’s just a few stops uptown. I typically don’t take lunch, so I can get out of work earlier – I have an arrangement with my boss, you see.”

“Don’t you want to go out to lunch with your teammates sometimes, have a few laughs?”

“Nea, they are all dull dummies compared to Georgie.”

“I’m sorry but I feel like I have to keep reminding you that he is NOT real! Those jokes are all yours, you do understand that, right? Because lately, it seems like you are detaching from reality.”

“Whatever! You don’t have to repeat yourself over and over again. You sound just like them!”

“Hmmm, all right. So, what do you do after work?”

“I go home. Sometimes, I stop and grab a bite to eat. If the weather is bad, I cook. Did I tell you that I used to love to cook? I was pretty good at it too.”

“No, don’t think so. You don’t cook anymore?”

“Not really. My ex used to love my cooking and constantly praised me for it. He even bragged to his buddies. He teased my… my sister that she should learn how to make lasagna the way I do it. It was his favorite. White sauce lasagna… he couldn’t stand anything that contained tomatoes. You know what the secret is to the really good white sauce?”

“No, what is that?”

“No lumps and loads of garlic.”

“Did you ever make it again?”

“No! And I never will! If I cook nowadays, I make something simple – soup, salad, omelet. Do you know what I just realized? Even when I dream about going out with Georgie, I never order lasagna and told him not to order one either. But he’s just perfect – says he doesn’t like it anyway. So, sometimes, I watch a movie or TV but most days, I just take Bear for a walk and go to sleep.”

“What would you say is your happiest or most satisfying part of the day?”

“Oh, come on! You know the answer to that question! I can’t wait all day until I get to bed. I even have a new routine in the evening. I drink a cup of chamomile tea and read a few pages of something light so I can completely release all the bad energy. Then I get very comfortable and drift off to sleep. And Georgie is always waiting for me on the other side! He is so reliable!”

“What time do you normally go to sleep?”

“Mmmm, probably around seven. Maybe seven thirty.”

“And you sleep through the night?”

“Absolutely! Why wouldn’t I? I don’t have any nightmares. Ever since Georgie came into my life, I don’t have any more bad dreams. Only sunshine and unicorns, as they say.”

“What time do you get up?”

“Around eight-ish if I have to go to work. Otherwise, later. I have a small yard and a doggie door so Bear goes by himself in the morning and I can sleep in if I feel like having a lazy weekend.”

“And do you do it often? The lazy weekends I mean?”

“Well, now that you mentioned it, almost every week. Listen, I don’t have any responsibilities, no kids to take care of, why can’t I do what I want!”

“You don’t need to get defensive. I’m just trying to understand what world you are living in…”

Feb 24

“I’m really worried about you. I think we need to consider taking some more active steps in your recovery. Ever since you stopped working, you look very pale and you must have dropped another ten-fifteen pounds. Soon, you will be able to hide behind that hanger by my door!”

“Eh, I can afford not to work. After all, my ex did one good thing in his life when he took out the life insurance policy for us! Ha-ha. Little did he know that I will be the one reaping the rewards of his ‘good deed’.”

“Aren’t you bored? What are you doing all day with your time? Maybe you can find a place to volunteer, something that makes you happy?”

“I’m happy as I am! I have Georgie, I don’t need anything else! And now, we can be together whenever I want. I think about him when I’m awake. And I’m with him as soon as I go to sleep. In fact, I have some great news I wanted to share with you.”

“What’s the news?”

“Georgie asked me to marry him and I said ‘yes’! We decided to have just a small ceremony. He doesn’t have any family, neither do I, so…”

“HE IS NOT REAL! I really think this has gotten out of hand. It sounds like you now are spending more time in your dreams than you do here, with real people. It’s not healthy. Do you see that? I’m afraid you are slipping into a situation where one day you may not wake up. Are you taking any sleeping aids? And I need an honest answer.”

“Well…hmmm… my tea and sometimes, if I have a really hard time falling asleep or the day is too bright, I take a few pills.”

“I will make a call to a colleague of mine. I think you need to go see him and maybe check into his facility for a few days for evaluation. I…”

BUAZZZZZZZZZZ

“Sounds like our session is over.”

BUAZZZZZZZZZZ

“I heard you loud and clear but I think I want to pause our therapy for a while. I’m feeling better. I’m happier than ever so you did your job. I will be in touch.”

BUAZZZZZZZZZZ

Linda woke up to the sound of the alarm on her nightstand. Damn it, she forgot to turn it off last night! Again those dreams about the therapy sessions, why do they keep haunting her? After all, she’s never been in a better place in her entire life. She raised her hand to brush her hair out of her eyes and noticed a brand-new wedding band on her finger. She was married! To the best man in the world! She turned around and saw Georgie sleeping next to her on his side with his hands tucked under his cheek. He looked like a kid when he did that. A big beautiful kid that loved her to pieces. She saw him stir waking up. A second later he yawned and looked up at her with his beautiful almond-like eyes. Now they can truly be together forever. No more dreams…