Coping Mechanism of the Common Man

Coping Mechanism for the Common Man

Tick. Tick. Tick.

The clock on Aaron’s bedside table was the only sound filling his dead apartment. Aaron lay motionless in his bed, staring up at his ceiling. The sunrise peeked through his curtains turning his whitewashed walls blue.

Brrring. Brrring. 

Aaron turned his alarm off on the second ring. 

“Three…four…five…six…” At seven he rose from his bed. By nine, the covers had been replaced as if he had never slept in them. It was exactly ten steps to the bathroom.

Aaron couldn’t hear his clock, but it didn’t bother him as much as it used to. The sound was a part of him now, deeply embedded in his psyche. 

Tick. Tick. Tick.

All of his thoughts revolved around this sound. If any pesky memories of her tried to surface he concentrated on the steady rhythm of that clock. Of course it didn’t always work. It was impossible to ignore that voice. The one that told him he hadn’t been enough to make her stay.

Aaron made his breakfast, a bowl of cereal, and sat down on his couch, the TV blaring the news. When he finally allowed himself to think he wondered if his life would ever progress beyond this point. This stage of monotony that he couldn't break, was it a curse or a blessing? 

Without this routine…this pattern, could he live at all? A creeping mist settled in his brain. The thought of escape was forgotten, but that gnawing fear that never left settled firmly in his gut. 

Aaron looked at his phone. Time to go to work, he thought. He grabbed his coat and keys and headed out the door. 

“Aaron! How are you?” Trina smiled at him from behind the front desk. Aaron returned her smile more out of habit than anything else. He passed her hoping to avoid more conversation.

“How is Beth?" Trina asked. He pretended not to hear and walked to the maintenance room to receive his orders for the day.

When his boss dismissed the maintenance crew he held Aaron back. “Your performance has been less than exemplary Bailey.” The old man’s stern eyes were tinged with concern. “I’ve been tempted to suspend you. Should I?”

“No sir.” 

“Very well,” he said. “Get a move on.”

Outside his buddy, Mike, was waiting for him.“Hey man, what was that about?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Okay.” Aaron could tell Mike wanted to know more but wouldn't ask. They both agreed to work in the supply room where some idiot ran into a junction box with a fork lift. While they worked Mike tried to start a conversation. Aaron did his best to keep it alive for a while but eventually gave up. Work was tiring enough and he could feel himself losing energy. 

Aaron didn’t blame the boss for considering his suspension. He knew that his work had been getting worse and worse over the past few months. Every time he tried to do better it was like the battery inside him had been completely drained. He didn’t know what to do about it and at that point he didn’t care.  

 Maybe he should save him the trouble and quit.

A slap on his back brought Aaron back to the present. “Lunch time,” Mike said.

They headed to the break room together. It was packed full of people talking and eating. Their laughter hurt his ears. He quickly grabbed water and chips from the vending machine, avoiding eye contact.

“I’m eating outside,” he told Mike and left before protests were heard. He fled to the picnic table outside which to his relief was empty.

Aaron ate his chips, watching his breath rise in the cold air. He listened to distant lunchtime traffic and factory sounds. His phone buzzed in his pocket. It was Mike saying he was coming out to eat with him. Aaron sighed heavily.

Mike came out looking prepared for war. He sat in front of him and laid his lunch down, eyeing him and being careful not to make sudden movements. For some reason this annoyed Aaron but he feigned indifference.

“What’s wrong with you?”

Aaron stiffened at the question but didn’t reply.

“It’s not going to get any better if you don’t talk about it.” 

Aaron remained silent, looking at his clenched fists. He wouldn’t understand if I told him. He’d say something stupid like, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea!” But there isn’t. I have nothing left and people expect me to move on like nothing happened.

“I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me,” Mike said. “Look at me.” 

Aaron dragged his eyes to Mike's face. He was surprised to find no condemnation there. True concern showed on his ruddy face.

“I might not look like it but I can be a great listener.” He grinned and Aaron relaxed despite himself.

“My…” he sighed. “ Beth and I-well- we broke up.” 

Mike cringed. “Oh…about that…”

“What? You knew!”

“I heard it from my wife who heard it from her sister who talked to Beth.”

Aaron covered his face and groaned. “Great! Next they’ll call my mom and let her know too.” 

“Aaron, it's not like that okay? They were just worried about you.” 

“Yeah sure.” Aaron sighed. He looked at his watch. “Look man, lunch is almost over.”

“Okay, okay let’s grab a couple beers after work and talk then.”

“I don’t drink,” Aaron said dryly. 

“I’ll buy you dinner then.” Mike said. He frowned. “Drinking would probably help though.”

Aaron rolled his eyes and got up. “Come on,” he said. They returned to the supply room and finished fixing the damage. Aaron didn’t bother talking. Leave it to Mike to make me think about what a crappy life I have.

They clocked out at five and drove their separate vehicles to a nearby diner. Mike waited until they had both ordered before making Aaron talk.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Aaron said.

“Just tell me what happened man,” Mike said. “I mean, you’re together for almost two years and then she just dumps you? Were you guys fighting?”

Aaron pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, we were fine… At least, I thought we were.” He sighed. “I honestly don’t get it either. I thought she was happy but then one day she looked at me and said, ‘I think we should break up.’ I tried my best to make her stay but in the end my best didn’t amount to shit.”  He sipped his water and watched Mike over his glass. “Well go ahead. I know what you’re going to say.”

“There is someone out there for you man. Maybe she’s just not the one.”

Aaron nodded and set his glass down. “I’ve heard the same bull everywhere. No one has anything better to say!” He clenched his fists. “It’s like you all read the same book, How to Talk to Your Friend Who is Going to be Lonely for the rest of His Freaking Life by who the hell knows.”

“Aaron, calm down. You know I didn’t mean it like that.” Mike said, glancing around. 

“Whatever,” Aaron said, ignoring the looks people were giving them. “I’m just tired of hearing it.”His hands shook and he desperately searched for the gentle ticking that had been holding  him together. It was still there but instead of allowing him to forget her, it laughed at him, knowing he never could. He slid out of the booth.

“Where you going?” Mike laid two twenties on the table before following him out the door.”

“Home.” Aaron pushed through the glass doors into the frigid night air, fumbling with his keys. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” he said without turning.

“Aaron, you know this isn’t healthy.” Mike grabbed him by the shoulder.

Aaron shook him off. “Look at me Mike. Do I look like the kind of guy who can get even close to someone like Beth? Guys like me don’t deserve someone like her.”

Mike rolled his eyes. “I hate to say this man but that's a load of garbage. Beth isn’t special. You can find someone like her living under a bridge.”

“Yeah what do you know?” Aaron scoffed. “A happily married man has no right to talk to me about dating.”

“No, that actually makes me more qualified to talk about it.”  Mike waved at a car as it drove around them. “Come on, let's get out of the way,” he said, pointing to a bench a few feet away. Mike sat down but Aaron began pacing in front of him.

“Did you know Beth was going to college to become a nurse?” He kicked a rock into some bushes nearby. “I barely made it out of highschool alive.”

“I don’t see how that’s-”

“She might have even become a doctor one day.” Mike opened his mouth to speak but Aaron kept going. “Everytime I went to her parents house they treated me like a freeloader. Her father always had that look like "How dare a bug date my little angel.” Aaron sat down exhausted. “He was right too.”

“Aaron, just because you didn’t do well in school, doesn’t mean you're not smart. I’ve seen you work. I know how smart you are. Sure maintenance in a factory isn’t stitching up wounds but it still takes intelligence.”

“That’s not what the rest of the world sees and that’s not what she saw. She probably broke up with me because she realized that she deserved better.”

Mike looked away in deep thought. He has nothing to say because he thinks I’m right, Aaron thought glumly. Figures.

Mike sighed. “Relationships aren’t always about equality.” 

Aaron’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Well look at my wife. She’s a stay at home mom. She never went to college and got a degree and she couldn’t tell you what a junction box is. These aren’t things I hold against her. There are plenty of things she can do that I can’t and she doesn’t hold that against me. I strengthen her weaknesses and she strengthens mine.”

Aaron watched a flickering lamp post across the street deep in thought.

“Could it be,” Mike continued, “that you both loved each other but you didn’t compliment each other. Sometimes these things just don’t work out.”

Aaron covered his face with his hands. “I wanted to marry her,” he said in a broken voice. 

Mike patted him on the back. “I know.” They sat quietly for a few moments and then Mike got up. “Stay here for a minute. I’ll be back,” he said. A few minutes later he was back. “I bought you a drink.”

“I told you I don’t drink,” Aaron said, his voice still muffled by his hands. He felt something warm press against his arm and looked up.

“Relax,” Mike said. “I just bought you a coffee. 

“Thanks,” he said. He relished the warmth it brought to his chilled hands. 

“No problem.” Mike sat beside him and they both watched the flickering lamp post across the street in silence. 

“The people in the diner probably think we’re crazy,” Aaron muttered.

“They wouldn’t be wrong,” Mike said. They laughed together enjoying the release that it brought. Aaron then realized that the ticking in his head was silent. There was no creeping mist clouding his thoughts or strangling fear haunting his steps. His heart still hurt but it surprised him how much he wanted to feel it.

He sipped the bittersweet coffee and thought of her.