Keer-cheep

Keer-cheep. Hoku closed her eyes, not that it mattered, and felt the hands of her braille watch. It was 6:15 in the evening. On the balcony, she heard birds calling, waves crashing on the beach, a gentle breeze cooling the heat of the afternoon, the rustle of the ohi’a lehua trees. Deep breath in, the fragrance of plumeria, and salt from the ocean. Peaceful. Lovely. Paradise. 

She was always listening, but now she gripped the railing of the balcony, warm from the sun, and focused. Keer-cheep. Time 6:20.  Bryan would be home soon, and it was time to start dinner, still Hoku waited. The air was warm, but she felt a shiver race across her back, a catch in her breath. Something simple, salmon, rice, and stir-fried veggies. Her mind wandered to the tasks for tonight’s dinner.

Keer-cheep. Hoku quickly felt for her watch again, annoyed at her temporary distraction. 6:25. A bigger chill this time, and sweat prickling on her forehead. It’s not real. The waves crashed tirelessly, a constant background noise. Hoku tried to calm her breathing. The louder she breathed, the less she could hear. 6:30. Nothing. She needed to tell Bryan.

Trying not to shake, she turned and walked easily into the apartment, the layout well known. Felt the mat just inside the balcony underfoot, trailed her hand along the couch in the living room, brushed the kitchen counter with her fingers, reached for the tap and washed her hands. Each touch, sound, each smell filled her with part denial, part fear. It all felt so real, smelled, sounded so real. Who’s to say it wasn’t?  A single cricket. 

Making dinner was second nature. Measure out the rice into the cooker, pull out the salmon steaks from the fridge. Oil, veggies, frying pan, wok, cutting board, knife. Carefully chopping, cleaning, with moves practiced and deliberate. The smell of frying salmon skin made Hoku smile, and made her forget about her discovery on the balcony.

The door opened.  

“Hoku, I am home,” said Bryan.

“Hi Bryan,” Hoku greeted Bryan with a smile. “How was your day?”

“Good, Luke and Gaia visited the shop today, they both said hello.”

“That’s great! I’m sorry I missed them,” Hoku frowned, something was bothering her, like a sentence on the tip of her tongue, forgotten when someone speaks first. Or maybe a word that wasn’t quite right. 

Bryan finished taking off his shoes, placed them on the shoe shelf, and put his bag on the bench where it would not trip Hoku. “Is everything okay with you? Was your counseling job rough today?”

“Oh, no, counseling’s fine, just four appointments today, and I feel like they all made some progress, which is great.” Hoku pulled out plates and scooped the rice, salmon and veggies onto them. Turned off the stove top, and moved to bring one plate at a time to the table.

“Here, I can get that for you.” Bryan picked up both plates and set them on the table, sitting in his usual spot.

Hoku grabbed silverware and napkins on her way to the table and sat down. 

“This is delicious. Thank you.”

“No problem.” Hoku carefully chewed the salmon, checking for bones with her teeth and tongue, scraping any found onto the same spot on her plate. 

Hoku’s eating was quiet and slow, feeling her way around the plate with fork and fingers, guided by textures and the resistance of the food against the fork.

Bryan scraped his fork against the plate. Scheer-eep. 

Keer-cheep. Hoku froze, mid-bite, recalling the sound of the crickets on the balcony. Carefully setting her fork down she asked, “Bryan, I’ve had the weirdest things happen to me the last few days. I need to tell you about it.”

“Okay, what is up?”

Something tickled Hoku’s brain, but she pushed it down, wanting to get out her discovery before she forgot again.

“I don’t know how to say this, but I think we’re stuck in some kind of loop, some kind of virtual reality.” It was scary, voicing something so crazy, but also a relief. “Yesterday, I heard a new cricket after work, usually they sound like queek queek, but this one made a keer-cheep.” Hoku imitated the cricket sounds with ease. “It happened just three times, and then it stopped. I listened for the cricket after work today, and it made the noise again, three times, exactly five minutes apart, and then stopped completely. Like an audio loop.” 

A pause. Hoku could hear Bryan breathing, and sensed a distance, a disconnect. 

“Well?” Hoku demanded. “And I keep forgetting! I can’t keep this in my brain. If I don’t think about the loop constantly, it leaves my brain. I’m in a loop and I’m being brainwashed. Please say something?”

“Hoku, you have been working very hard lately. Perhaps you need to take some time to be calm and relax. Of course we are in the real world. You can smell the flowers, taste the breeze, hear the ocean. You can feel my touch.” Bryan sounded calm and reassuring as he took Hoku’s hand in his.

“Bryan, I think there’s something wrong with you too. You don’t talk the way I remember. Your voice sounds the same, but your words, there’s something off.” Hoku gripped Bryan’s hand tightly, wished with all her might that his next words would reassure her, convince her it was all in her imagination.

“Error 505: Connection is unstable. Reboot.” Bryan’s voice was flat, but still his.

Hoku jerked her hand away, “That is not funny Bryan!” 

Anger turned to fear as she felt the world disappear around her. The constant sounds of the ocean cut off abruptly, no breezes, no birds. All the smells were gone. Hoku rose from her seat, reaching out instinctively for Bryan’s hand, but there was no table, no Bryan. she couldn’t hear him. She couldn’t hear anything. She reached backwards for the chair, but it was gone too. Hoku fell down on the floor, but it wasn’t hard, it was soft.

Hoku’s mind was racing, how did she get to this bed? She was just on the floor of her apartment. She sat up, and felt the pull of electrodes connected to her temples, more to her wrists. Ripping them off, she eased off the bed, feeling her way along a cold floor, hoping a wall was nearby. Smooth plastic, a monitor which was now sounding a steady beep, a table, tubing hanging from a cold metal stand, and finally, a wall. Slightly dimpled but smooth surface, regular lines, horizontal and vertical, most likely painted cinder blocks. 

She followed a horizontal mortar line a few feet to a door jamb, panicked briefly when she didn’t feel a handle on the near side. Across the door, wood, interrupted by a cool glass window, then wood again, and a handle! The door opened and she walked out into what she thought was a hallway, she could hear faint noises from either side of her, but nothing in front of her. Turning left, she kept one hand following the mortar line, occasionally interrupted by doorways. The other hand reached out, her ears strained to pick up the sounds that were getting closer. Another door, this one right in front of her, no handle, but a metal push plate on the right.

When Hoku opened the door, she heard Bryan’s voice, and exhaled in relief.

“Bryan!”

“Hoku! You are up! I cannot believe it,” Bryan said with warmth.

“Bryan?” It finally clicked. Bryan wasn’t using contractions. His voice was warm and deep, the same voice she’d always loved, but it sounded oddly formal, not quite human. She backed away, fear made her heart pound in her ears, made her breath catch, it was getting harder to hear, which made the fear worse. 

Turning back through the door with the metal plate, Hoku ran as quickly as she could, one hand brushing against the cinder block wall, the other outstretched. She needed to get out, find someone to help. Something. 

She ran right into a person. “Sorry!” 

The new person tried to steady her, “Are you ok?”

How could she possibly explain this? “I need to get away from someone, can you help me find the way out? Please, I want to go home.”

The stranger said, “Of course, I can help you.”

Hoku felt some relief. “Thank you. Where are we?”

“We are at the Newbridge Center, do you remember your username and password?”

“It’s Hoku99 and my password is BrightStar, capital B, capital…” Hoku trailed off, and pushed away from the stranger. “No. Where am I? What is happening to me?” 

“We are at the Newbridge Center, and you are a client in our Re-Memory unit. We are happy to serve all your memory replacement needs.”

“What did you do to Bryan?” Hoku demanded, anger simmering through the fear.

“The Bryan program experienced an error, and is currently updating. He will return to your Re-Memory room momentarily.”

“This is nuts, I don’t want this. I want to remember what happened.” 

Hoku’s words released a flood of memories.

Cars driving on wet pavement, the earthy cool taste of San Francisco fog, a crosswalk signal ticking, wait wait wait wait. Bryan’s hand in hers, warm, a little rough.

“I love you Bryan.” Hoku was so happy it hurt. She heard Bryan’s intake of breath, the smile in his sigh. They were standing on a street corner, walking back to their apartment from dinner. 

“Hey babe, I love you too. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Bryan laughed, a little nervously. “Are you going to tell me what’s up?”

Hoku reached into her pocket and pulled out the ring, she felt the subtle ridges on the edge, vines twining around in a circle. She held up the ring, and raised her face towards Bryan’s, confident. 

“Will you marry me?” 

Bryan’s hand in hers tightened, “Oh my god, yes!” He hugged Hoku enthusiastically, then gently. He repeated, “Yes.”

Hoku’s heart was full. There was a screech, they both turned to the noise. There was no time to react to the car barrelling towards them, horn blaring. A whoosh, a sickening crunch. Screaming pain. Silence.

“No,” Hoku whispered. She was back in the cinder block hallway. Again more forcefully, “No! What happened to Bryan?” She knew the answer before she finished asking the question. Grief welled up, a sob tore its way from her heart through to her throat, and tears started. “No,” she whispered again.

The stranger was still there, “Would you like to go back to your room now?”

“Yes.” Broken, Hoku let the stranger lead her back to her room, lay her down on the hospital bed, replace the electrodes, and start the program.

“Thank you for choosing Newbridge Center for all your Re-Memory needs.”

The door opened.

“Hoku, I’m home,” said Bryan.

“Hi Bryan,” Hoku greeted Bryan with a smile. “How was your day?”