Beat Your Heart Out

They drifted down, the white crystalline flakes, big and heavy, wispy spirits of the leaves that littered the brown yard. It was a beautiful sight but it gave Piper Ross a knot in his stomach. As a kid, he met fresh snow with high excitement but now as a drummer, getting ready to go out on tour, he saw it as doom falling. They had started a metal band, ironically called ‘Witch’s Tit’ and with a beat-up used van, they were set to go. 

But it was a beautiful sight, Piper had to stop and admire it. He always loved the snow: the heavenly white, dampening everything, the sound of the motors and sirens, the way it slowed down time, cars moved slower and pedestrians watched their steps with care. It was his favourite season, until now.

“Oh, Merry Christmas. How long did I sleep?” Alex Holmes had entered the room, his hair a bird’s nest and his eyes blood soaked. He greeted Piper with a nod, “You alright, you seem weird man?”

Shaking his head, Piper said, “Still a little hungover. Hey, do you want to drive first?” He remembered Alex was an avid skier and drove to the mountains every winter.

“I get to control the music.” He said as he plopped down on the flattened armchair. 

“Yeah, sure.” Piper had thought he would feel relief but he didn’t, that knot just grew bigger. Looking back out the window, he wondered, “How long do you think it’ll snow for?” 

Hearing water bubbling, Piper turned back to see Alex taking a big hit off his lime green bong. Piper contained his scream, “Dude, you’re driving, remember?”

“Yeah, what? I’m smoking up to sober myself up from the booze, like a responsible adult.” He took another hit. 

More knots grew, gnawing at Piper’s gut. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked through a coughing fit. 

Piper didn’t know what it was, but it was something, something dreadful, a looming sense of doom that wouldn’t stop buzzing in his ear. For a moment he thought about expressing this to Alex but decided not to, not so much because he thought it would be futile but because saying it would make it real. As soon as the words left his mouth, the curse would be sealed. Better to remain silent and in doubt. 

*

Piper didn’t wait for Alex, he decided to load the van right away. By the time Alex noticed and came out, wearing his pair of bunny slippers that soaked up the wet snow like sponges, Piper had packed the drums, amps and Alex’s guitar, which was probably why he was out in the frosted yard. “You’re in a hurry?”

“Yeah,” was all Piper said and continued on his way to get Dan’s backup bass and keyboard.

“Alright, just make sure there’s enough room for Laurie, eh?” Alex declared to Piper, who didn’t pause in his stride to reply with an acknowledged wave.

*

When he finished, Alex was dressed and slipping on his Vans. Stepping out and locking the door, he kept throwing Piper glances. Piper didn’t know if they were ones of concern or annoyance, or was it a bit of both?

 Skipping down the steps, Alex swung his keys, jingling them with a light rhythm, “You left enough room for Laurie’s stuff?”

Piper nodded, “Yeah,” he stopped, “Well, for Laurie but not for her stuff.” His face drooped with worry, “You think she’ll have a lot?”

Erupting in laughter, Alex shook his head as he wiped the sticky snow off the windows with his sleeve. 

“How are we gonna fit it?” Piper asked, convinced he just fucked everything up. 

Alex popped open the driver-side door; “We’ll jump off that bridge when we get there. Come on, let’s roll.” 

*

When Laurie came out, her jaw was strapped tight with blazing white eyes, “Why the hell aren’t you replying to my texts?”

“Have you been texting?” Alex asked as he frowned at his phone, “Oh, I turned off my notifications, so I can play, Piper, my new playlist, it’s called, Hammerroids.”

A screech steamed out of her clamped jaw like a boiling tea kettle, “Just help me load up, I got a lot of bags.”

 Laurie stomped away, splashing slush in her wake.  

“How many bags do you think she’s got?” Piper asked. 

“Too many,” Alex said. 

*

Hauling out all her luggage, they left the bags next to the van, letting the snow blanket them as they remained silent while Laurie hugged her parents goodbye. In total, there were four, two travel bags, one hockey bag and one backpack. Alex had waited for Laurie to come out before opening the back doors, revealing the packed cargo space. 

“Where the fuck?” she asked as her eyes watered. “Where the fuck?”. 

Alex hugged her with one arm, giving her a good squeeze, “Don’t worry, where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

*

There was no getting around it, they had to move everything out again. The weather worsened as they hauled out the equipment. While they were labouring, Laurie came up with the idea of strapping the cases on the roof and the boys felt appropriately dumb. 

As Alex was climbing on top of the van, showing off, he slipped and landed with a sick thud. His first reaction was to play it off, but he couldn’t hide the way he was holding his arm. 

“Do you need to go to the hospital?” Laurie asked.

“No, no, it’s just sprained,” said the lead guitarist. 

The quiet that followed was as heavy as the snow on the ground.

“It’s fine, I just need to wrap it.”

Laurie ran back into her parent’s house to get a first aid kit.

Alex turned to Piper, “You’ll have to drive.”

He felt like he got punched in the stomach, he looked up at Alex with pleading eyes. “I’ve never driven in the snow before,” Piper lied, he had taken his test in the middle of winter.

“It should be easy for you,” Alex said, “You’re a drummer, right, so when you start skidding and losing control, just pump the breaks like you would do with the bass drum and keep steering where you want to go. You should be a natural.”

*

Sitting in the driver's seat was an odd surreal experience for Piper. His bloated gut was pressed against the wheel, the pedals felt loose and smaller than they should be. Turning it over and putting it in drive, Piper hit the acceleration pedal; the tires spun in place. “You want to go slow to take off and pump the pedal a little,” Alex advised.

Doing as he was told, they managed to leave the driveway and return to the streets. Piper’s muscles were already feeling sore before they even got to the first stop sign. As they approached it, Alex stepped in to say, “Now, slow down before stopping.”

He did, and he could feel the van skidding, its back end veering off, Piper spun the wheel around to avoid hitting the sign. While his heart was pattering, Alex chimed in, “Good, you got it. Now, you know how to start and stop. You should be good.”

“Yeah.” 

“Laurie’s parents are super normal, eh?” Alex said, “Makes me wonder how she got so fucked up.”

“Yeah,” Piper said, keeping his eyes beyond his white knuckles. 

“You know she keeps sending me lyrics still?” Alex mentioned.

“Yeah.”

“They’re not bad, she’s getting better. I told her to show them to you but I don’t think she will. I know you didn’t like her stuff before, but I figured since she’s the one singing, she should have some creative control.”

Piper couldn’t help but show his annoyance, he liked writing but he loved drumming, that was his passion. He only started writing the songs because no one else really wanted to. It annoyed him when Alex treated him like a temperamental artist.

Alex quickly added, “If you don’t want her to butt in, that’s fine. I’ll stick with you, but let’s not forget who everyone wants to see.”

“Alex,” Piper said.

“What?”

“I don’t care, I like drumming, that’s what I do. I beat my heart out on the skins, not on the page!”

“Okay,” Alex said, “that’s good to know. Why didn’t you say so before?”

The sound of the bald tires crunching the fresh snow punctuated Piper’s silence. Leaving the city, they were surrounded by trees that were sagging under the snow. He knew Alex was right, but he didn’t have an answer. 

The quiet got to Alex, “You can play your hippy dippy music if you want,” He cradled his wrapped wrist and nestled his head against the window. 

Jumping at the chance to replace the conversation, Piper grabbed his phone and searched for something to play.

“Look out!” Alex shouted.

Popping his head up, Piper saw he was driving towards a man walking on the side of the road. Slamming on the brakes, he yanked the steering wheel away, spinning the van around, sliding it backwards on the other side of the road.  

As the equipment crumbled in the back, thimbles and stands clanging down, Laurie moaned and cursed, “What the fuck happened?”

Piper was completely disorientated, his body shaking all over. Looking over at Alex, he was shocked to see him with a full-fledged smile, “Wow, that was something, eh?”

“Yeah.”

“What was that guy doing?” Alex said peering past the windshield. 

Following his eyesight, Piper saw the man was now waddling towards them in the middle of the road. He was stunned at how far away he was, did they skid that far?

Opening the door, Alex held on to it with his good hand as he exited the van, “Hey!” he hollered at the man and squeaked the door closed. Piper watched the two of them meet in front of the van, their voices a soft mumbling he couldn’t make out. He remained inside, his shame and guilt binding him to his seat. Making fists, he tried to clench out his shaking nerves, but it refused to go away, his hands remained jittery, clammy and white. 

There was a knock next to him and Piper jumped, it was Laurie, her pale face fogging up the window. Rolling it down, Laurie’s warm breath breached inside, “You okay?” she asked.

“Yeah.” Piper wrestled with what he should say, “You?”

“Yeah, I’m not sure about my Ukulele, but I’m good.”

Alex came up behind her, his shoulders hiked up and jaw clattering, “We got another passenger.”

“Huh?” Piper eyed the man, his long hair was frosted with snot icicles clinging to his beard. 

“Who’s he?” Laurie asked.

“Hitchhiker, caught up in this,” Alex said, stiffly nodding his head up to the falling snow. 

“Where’s he going to sit?” Laurie wondered.

“He can sit up front, I can sit on your lap,” Alex said, nudging Laurie. 

“Not with your bony ass,” Laurie retorted.

“Do you mind?” Alex asked, still smiling his sugar rotten smile. 

Piper’s eyes darted back to the man, he found the man was staring at him with hard black eyes, his stomach lurched, causing him to swallow hard to keep it down. He wanted to say, ‘no, no fucking way,’ instead he said, “Where’s he heading?”

“He just wants to be dropped off at the nearest gas station,” Alex answered.

“Okay,” Piper heard himself say. 

“Cool.” Alex walked back to the man.

Laurie turned back to Piper, her trimmed eyebrows furrowed, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.”

*

As Alex and Laurie cleaned up the mess in the back, the man sat in the front seat, his odor was pungent, a stale rot. His sweater was a fuzzy wool that made Piper feel itchy just looking at it. There was an unnerving intensity to him, the way his muscles seemed permanently tense, the way his eyes showed too much white and the pupils: a pure blackness. 

“Hey, how’s it going? I’m Dog Man.” He extended his hand.

Reluctantly, Piper accepted it.

“Oh, you got some rough blisters there.” Dog Man remarked and chuckled. “They call me Dog Man because I’m everyone’s best friend.”

Piper nodded. 

“Why do they call you, Piper?”

“It’s my name.”

He chortled at full volume, Piper couldn’t help but flinch a little. “Fair enough, I suppose.” Noticing the wall of music equipment behind him, he said, “So you guys play music?”

“Yeah.”

A thumping interrupted their conversation, “We’re good to go!” Alex yelled as the sound of the back door slammed shut. 

“We’re good?” Piper shouted back.

“Yeah, all good, go!” Alex’s voice was muffled by the wall between them. 

Dog Man clutched Piper’s shoulders, his long, yellow fingernails digging into his jacket. “You got this.”

“Yeah.” Dread swamped Piper as his stomach seared in pain. He went to start the van, but a mechanical screeching told him that it was already on. “Shit,” Piper mumbled to himself as he took his foot off the break.

“It’s okay, happens to the best of us.” Dog Man said.

Refusing to look at him, Piper pumped on the acceleration and made a three-point turn, it wasn’t until he picked up speed again did he realized that he didn’t even look to see if a car was coming. This thought bothered him as he imagined what could have happened if there was. 

“So, you guys play music?” Dog Man asked as he rubbed his denim thigh. 

“Yeah.”

“What kind?”

“Heavy Metal, Progressive mostly.”

“Ah, I see. You know, I auditioned for a heavy metal band, wasn’t skilled enough on the axe.” His voice lost all the jovial lilt and fell into a hard grating tone. 

Glancing over at the Dog Man, Piper saw he was staring at him with an open harshness. “Yeah.”

“Is that hot little thing a groupie of yours?” He was now almost whispering.

Repressing a gag, Piper explained, “No, she’s our lead singer.”

Nodding his head, the Dog Man wiped at his moist lips. “I bet she has a great set of lungs too, she has those baritone breasts, you know?”

“Sure.” A warm flush flooded his face as he sensed the Dog Man staring at him. The wind was forming little snow dunes along the road. Piper realized that he was beginning to fear the man next to him more than the unrelenting snow. 

His wet lips wormed into a small smile. “What’s the matter? She’s your sister or something?”

“I’m just worried about the snow, trying to not fuck up again.” 

Finally, he took his eyes off Piper to gaze outside and let out a long sigh. “It makes me sleepy looking at all that white. All that nothing. People think of black as nothing but it’s white. Black gives you the shades of grey, white takes them away. Heaven isn’t a white light, that’s hell.”

Squirming around in his seat, Piper mumbled, “I guess that’s true, sure.”

“I think about it sometimes, every time I send someone to the afterlife, what happens, what do they see? I don’t know, have you ever been around death?” 

A hollow wind blew over the van.

Dog Man smacked his lips, “Yeah, it’s a spiritual experience.”

His heart pounded in his ears as Piper tried to piece together what he said. ‘Sending people to the afterlife?’ “So,” Piper swallowed hard, “You’re a doctor or something?”

After a brief moment of pause, Dog Man chuckled, “No, why do you think that?”

Shrugging his shoulders, Piper said, “I don’t know.”

“Do you believe in the afterlife?” His chuckle was gone and his voice hardened again.

“I don’t know.”

“Well,” Dog Man bounced around to face Piper “I do. Not only do I believe, I am collecting souls to be my slaves as well. That’s what happens when you eat someone, when you eat the heart, they become your slave. Bet you didn’t know that?”

Piper jumped when Alex thumped on the wall of the van. “Hey, I got to piss man, pull over!” Taking a deep breath in, Piper kept driving, debating with himself, should I just tell Alex right now, how crazy this guy is or wait? It seemed prudent to wait, there was no telling what this guy would do and there is a chance he’s just fucking with him. 

Alex slammed on the wall again, “Hey, man, come on!”

Piper decided to pull over, this would be his chance to get out and let Alex know. Slowing down, he felt the burning of Dog Man’s eyes on him. Once he came to a stop, Piper heard the back door clang open. Piper instinctively looked behind but only saw the pile of equipment. Turning back, his eyes met the Dog Man who was glaring at him. 

“What?”

Like a viper, the Dog Man lashed out and slit Piper’s throat. It felt like a scratch but he felt a warmness cover his chest, looking down he saw blood dripping down his jacket. It didn’t feel real, it couldn’t be real. He turned back to the Dog Man, his crazed eyes glinting at him with joy. Slowly, he put his finger over his lips and turned to gingerly open the door. 

Watching the man slide out with a knife in his hand, Piper felt like the world was starting to spin as he tried to speak, to warn his friends, nothing came out. With all the energy he could muster from his draining body, he slammed the horn, blaring out his distress. He continued beating it as hard as he could but with each pounding more blood gushed out. As the world grew dark, he saw the Dog Man run away into the woods, frightened off.

*

By the time Alex made it to him, Piper was already dead. His anguish cries were muffled by the soft, cold, cotton-white snow; floating down like feathers shedding from the heavens. It was a beautiful sight.