1

The worst thing in Ama’s life just happened today. 

Ama stared blankly at the ceiling, feeling like a hollow shell in her bed. It seemed she was becoming paralyzed like her mom; she couldn’t move, never could. She started to think about herself when the car accident stole her father when she was 13. She thought nothing worse could happen than that. But she was wrong. The aftermath was worse.

All their relatives abandoned her and her 8-year-old brother, Sam. The only one who took responsibility was old Grandpa. The day she had to leave school due to financial issues, she thought nothing worse could happen. But she was wrong. When old Grandpa died, she thought that was the worst thing that could happen. There was no one left to look after them. But she was wrong.

The day she found Sam with Tony, the local druggy with a gang connection was bad. But, she thought it was bad then. But then came the worst yet. That came today.

Thinking this, icy fear gnawed at her. Her heart beat so fast she could hear it, like a clock ticking. Yes, time was ticking; today was passing fast. And only one day was left. It was worse than her worst nightmare.

Today, Tony burst into the café where Ama worked. She worked there for a double shift, making $14 an hour. He gulped down two glasses of water. He delivered the worst news of Ama's life: the local mafia had taken Sam, her only family left, hostage.

 2

Ama’s mind swirled, struggling to process the words. 

The local mafia? Why would they take Sam, a poor boy from town? 

Tony revealed secrets she was unaware of until then.

Sam took money from James, the local mafia, for gambling. He did it because he wanted to live a good life and needed money. His sister's salary hardly covered their living expenses. He had never worn a good pair of Nike shoes, not even a Tommy Hilfiger money bag! He decided he would change his fate by earning lots and lots of money. And it backfired. Instead of winning the bets, he lost a lot, almost $5,000.

Then James offered him a job so he could pay him back. A risky but worthy one: delivering drugs to a rave party. Receive the money and give it to James. But Sam got spotted by their rival gang. They took all the drugs by beating him. 

With no drugs and no money, James was now angry with him. Instead of paying $5,000, he now wanted all his drug payments. The price for his freedom? A staggering $100,000, a sum that felt like a cruel joke in their impoverished lives.

The weight of the threat crushed Ama. James is a ruthless monster, whose father was a secret sniper, living a dual life who killed a gangster Freddy at an early age. The police caught him and later sentenced him to death. It was the people of Freddy’s gang who helped the police to arrest him. 

James wanted revenge and joined the mafia lord Marlo, Freddy's rival gang, at a young age. He wanted to be as ruthless as his father. Some said he was mysterious; he was heard reciting poetry at times, not a womanizer like others. But these couldn’t make Ama feel any better.

Her empty stomach made noise, reminding her she was hungry too. Yes, she often stayed hungry. She stayed busy in this hurdle of doing double shifts. She invested all her money in Sam, the poor Sam, who had no one but her. But that didn’t make him happy either. She gave all her monthly salary to Sam, but he said he couldn’t even afford a brand’s shoe with it.

A cold shiver ran down her spine. Rumor had it that James was into organ trafficking. He wouldn't hesitate to kill if the debt remained unpaid. Tears streamed down her face as she cried out to God.

"Why me? I'm 19, with no education, no degree, and a helpless younger brother depending on me!" 

No, she must find a way, at least try to save her only brother, her family.

3

Ama started to look around their tiny apartment, messy little stuff here and there. She opened her closet. A few overworn clothes and a velvet box were there at the side. The box was once shiny dark blue but was now torn. There was a necklace that belonged to her mom. The only memory she had of her.

Yes, she would sell it. Her mom wrote in her last days that this necklace was Ama’s wedding gift. Ah... the wedding of poor Ama. Before the wedding, she planned to sell it. It was like selling her mom’s memory, which was always priceless to her.

She reminded herself of her smile, of the happy days before the accident, and tears shed from her eyes. She could feel her heavy heart, but would it be enough?

She wore her winter clothes again to go out; she had to know its value. The nearest jewelry shop was 5 miles away; she called Tony, who had a bike and could help.

When she knew the value of the only memory of her mom, it made her sad; it was only five hundred dollars. Not even close. She needed to look for something else.

What about talking about a loan from her café owner? She went with Tony again. It was cold outside, and on a bike, the cold breeze hit hard, but she didn’t feel anything. She had piled up so many thoughts in her head.

After hearing everything from Ama and Tony, the café owner got furious. She not only didn’t lend any money to Ama, but she also fired her. James was dangerous; she didn’t need any problems. What if tomorrow his people came and took Ama and destroyed the café? 

Ama didn’t know this was even worse than the previous one. She was now jobless too!

Tony also had no clue how he could help Ama. Yes, he was the one who introduced Sam to James. He felt guilty for that, but more than that he regretted his friendship with Sam. He was not one worthy of his friendship. He couldn’t save his friend.

Sam was always sad about his poverty. But they shared the same struggle. They both lost their parents. That connected them, and they started to talk and became friends.

Though Sam never did drugs with him, he was not involved in any gang job before today. And now, Tony accused himself of all this trouble. He felt sorry for sister Ama.

4

Ama came back home once again, tired, hopeless, and helpless. She didn’t know which was worse. This fear of losing Sam or this loneliness of tackling all this trouble. Both. She looked around, wondering what else she should do. At least if she could manage $5,000. But would James free Sam?

Wasn’t she the one responsible for all this? She could take care of her only brother well. She could get him all he wanted: lofty shoes, shiny clothes, trendy gadgets. All that a 14-year-old could wish for.

She looked at the clock; Grandpa's clock said it was 6 o'clock. All she needed was someone to hold and cry with now. Why did Grandpa leave them? Why Mom, Dad...and now even Sam? No one was there; she stood up and hugged the wall where Grandpa’s clock was ticking. Why me?

Suddenly something hit her brain. Grandpa loved to collect old things. Were there any valuable and expensive antiques?

She rushed to the basement and turned the dim light on. It had been a while since she came here. Years of clutter greeted her. There were many piles of paper, documents, old bags, rugs, broken electrical items, and so on.

She stepped towards the lamp and the table where Grandpa used to keep his things. He covered them with an old curtain. Ama turned over the dusty curtain and saw the stuff. A pocket watch and a bronze-locked lamp like Aladdin's. Was it pricey? What if this was not bronze but gold? Ah, what a daydream!

She found postcards, stamps, and a shabby manuscript. Among all these so-called antique pieces, she took it to see if it was someone famous. So she could sell it off at a good price? But it was not of any famous author, but someone familiar Charles Louis, and the last name of the author and the dedication that was written by hand in the manuscript left her speechless. 

She knew her grandfather often visited old paper-selling shops to find cheap books. Did this come from some of those paper stores? Apparently yes.

She opened the manuscript. It was handwritten and old. The words took her away. 

She started to read it in the dim light of the basement. She lost herself in the world of imagination that once existed. She felt the pain, the cry, the smile. This was a memoir to remember…A story of the past, that changed life, changed personality. 

She thought a lot, will this help her?

 It should - a strong voice is from her. Yes, deep inside she believed it should. 

She called Tony at night and said that she wanted to meet with James Cinto tomorrow. Tony felt surprised. He never thought she could handle so much money on such short notice. But she said,

"Don't worry, I've figured out something."

“How much did you manage?” 

“A little that could maybe save us this time” 

Tony felt a relief. 

5

The next day, they went together to James' place, which was James' old house, where he used to live his childhood life. It wasn’t a mansion, a simple middle-class house with a garden in front of it.

But it had lost all its charm of a happy family home and became a place more with drugs, guns, and goons. After the old gang leader Marlo died, James took his position. He first took this place, a small but old home, to live in.

James often sat in the bed, the room that was once his parents' bedroom. He used to come there after knocking. Ah... sweet old days.

What if some people kept their promises, what if some people didn’t lie to their families, not living a dual life? His father was his hero, and he always wanted to be someone like him. Now, he was becoming a monster, a person whom everyone feared in the town. But he was a hollow man inside; he only had emptiness.

Tony brought Ama here, though he was a little confused and astonished at how Ama managed the money. He asked a few times, but Ama didn’t speak much about it.

They sat on the couch, and Ama placed her bag on the table. The heavy smell of hush and cigarettes was all over. Looking around the place, she was trying to feel something.

Once there was a young boy named James. He lived in this house with his parents. They had laughed, played, and lived together until something bad happened. In her imagination, Ama saw a boy of nine running from the garden to the living room; he had a volleyball in his hand. Calling out his dad…

A man in a Hawaiian T-shirt and shorts interrupted Ama's imagination when he appeared in front of them. He asked Tony, "Is all the money arranged?"

Tony's eye pointed to Ama. The man also gazed at her, not very kindly. Ama said, "I've got something else to give to your boss James."

The man's name was Marcus, also known as Marx. He was the right-hand man of James, famous for his cruel intention to destroy people. He looked at Ama from top to bottom and then said,

"Sweetheart, you are pretty. But it's not like Boss James is a womanizer, so keep your 'something' to yourself."He laughed as if it was a good joke. Some other gang members also laughed. But Ama was not bothered by any of it. She repeated,

"I've got something of your boss’s, I want to return it to him."

"And you should, I don’t like to have debt, pay it;”

A voice that came from behind Marx was James, James Louis Cinto. By whose name the whole town trembled in fear.

Ama looked at him; the thing that got her attention was his deep eyes. It seemed so much pain lay in them. Ama handed the shabby manuscript to him,

"I have your past, James, that you never got a chance to know."

6

James stared at Ama, trying to understand what that even meant. 

What the hell were these shabby papers? Was this some papers of land, house, or factory that she once took? He looked at Ama, and she replied,

"It's the book that your dad promised to you. He wrote it, but it didn't get published." 

“And how you got this?”

“My Granpa liked to collect old books from the paper store, I assume it came from there too…” 

“Why do you think I should believe you?” 

“Please take a look, you will recognize it all, the handwriting, his past, your childhood” 

James remained shocked for a while. He could still remember the book, his father writing on that corner table. He wanted to play with him as a kid, but his dad always said,

"Play outside, I'm writing. One day I will write a book for you, dedicate it to you." 

“When will you write my book, Dad?” 

“Very Soon…” 

How could this be true? How did she know all that? Who wrote this manuscript?

The pleading in Ama’s voice insisted him to open it. He opened the manuscript. Seeing the dedication and the handwriting shocked him. His father, Charles Louis Cinto, wrote it! It was dedicated to him.

“Your dad was never a secret Mafia agent of Marlo’s gang; he was a writer by heart. On the day of his arrest, he saw a man crying in pain and asking for help in the street. He never knew it was Freddy, a gangster. When he took a closer look, he found a dagger stabbed in his chest; he tried to remove it.

He was never a murderer. But, as the man was a Freddy, apparently killed by Marlo’s gang; Marlo tried hard to place evidence to prove him guilty so save the real people of his gang. He never got out of jail and received a death sentence, but his promise to you made him write this book. But the jail authority never published it. A manuscript of a murderer left behind as trash.”

Ama stopped and looked at James; she could see the tears streaming from his eyes. He gave a tight hug to the manuscript.

All the years, James was growing up heard that his dad was a secret agent of Marlo, who had killed a gangster. This ruined his childhood. He joined Marlo’s gang later and became one of them like he thought his father was. Marlo said, his father was the one working for them. Now, it was his time to serve! Such a liar…A person who acted as his savior was his real culprit then? 

All these years, he cried inside himself, thinking his dad had broken that promise and never written a book for him. He thought his dad was living a dual life, being a secret Mafia agent. For all these years, he tried to make himself a brutal monster like him. Now, he only knew he stood above piles of lies. His whole life was a deception. He heard all the fabrications.

Ama looked into his eyes, pleading for him to come back and be the real person his parents always wanted him to be.

“I wasted a whole life, and now you're giving me this? Where were you while I was crying alone in the field? After my dad's arrest, no one ever played with me. Then, my mom got sick and died. My relatives outcast me, and now you're coming with this?”

Ama also couldn’t hold back her tears. James’s eyes were wet too.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. For all these years, you were in pain, alone. But now, when you know the truth, won’t you try to change?” 

This world of gangsters was outrageous. Would it ever be possible for him to free himself from the sphere of crime? James started to think. Was it too late to become a new person? A person his dad always dreamed he'd be? A person who served humanity? To become a law graduate?

It had been 5 months since the incident. 

Ama, Sam, and Tony now ran a bookshop opposite the café that fired Ama. James forgave their debt and lent them money to start a new life too. That manuscript not only changed James Cinto, but it also changed their lives. It gave them a new purpose in life.

Now, Sam always searched for manuscripts that weren't getting published. He now believed every book had a purpose. Like that day, the shabby manuscript became his lifesaver.