The Peaceful Part of My Life

I remember my very first stuffed animal as a little baby. It was this huge stuffed teddy bear. This teddy bear was so big, it consumed my entire baby body when it laid on me. It was white and clean... and soft that with every touch, you were calm and at peace. Everyday as a baby, I carried this big bear everywhere I went. It was my best friend. Even on the days I would cry over a little stubbed toe, the teddy bear kept me strong.

As I grew, well, as expected, the teddy bear began to shrink because I was getting bigger. There would be days in middle school where I would get bullied for carrying a teddy bear with me, but I didn’t care. This teddy bear gave me peace of mind through all the tough days. We explored the skies, sailed the seas, and captured bad guys together. Then, high school hit.

I decided to keep a diary, so that the teddy bear and I could have a place to journal out days. I wrote:

Hi Diary,

Today is the first day of high school. Even though I knew it would be a very scary first day, I knew that I had my good ‘o teddy bear. We got this!

High school was so big and anybody could get lost in the sea of high schoolers. This just kept happening, bell after bell, with no one, not a single soul, stopping to just take a break. The last bell of the day rang, so I ran home. I needed to get away from the chaotic place people call high school. I open my backpack to be confronted by my teddy bear. I feel its soft fur and I embrace it so hard like my life depended on it. The first day of high school was too crazy for the teddy bear and I.

I wrote in my diary:

Hi Diary, Today is the second week of being a high schooler. I met some really great people, but classes are getting tougher and I am falling behind. It’s okay though because I got my teddy bear with me. We can get through this.

The second week of high school was the beginning of the end. I remember falling so behind in work, and all my friends were just using me. It was one of the days where I needed my teddy bear to comfort me. The pain kept coming and going, as my teddy bear helped, but then one day, at the end of my second week of school, I opened my backpack to get my teddy bear and he was missing. I felt as though my entire life was missing. 

I searched and searched for my teddy bear for a couple of days, and I just could not find him. It felt as though he was permanently deleted from the world. As days kept passing, my life kept getting tougher and tougher to get through. I tried so hard to be happy and at peace with myself, but nothing worked. I went to counseling. I went to get help from friends and family, but it all seemed to not work. 

I wrote in my diary after a long while:

hi diary, today is my last week of senior year. I would say that today was the least worst day since I lost my teddy bear.

It’s been thirteen years since the worst day of my life happened. Since then, I’ve learned to try and get better at living life without my best friend. Nothing ever felt the same since. However, after high school, the days seemed more and more bearable. I found someone who loved me for my mistakes and flaws, and the only other person who was able to do that was my best teddy bear friend. We lived throughout our college career together. We had our ups and downs, but life was becoming great again because of them. Right out of college, we lived in a small house and found jobs we loved. We did what typical adults who are in love do. We fought. We made up. We thought about children. We got married. We had a child. Life was finally coming into place. 

One day, I wrote in my diary:

Hi Diary, Today is the day we are going to get more toys for the baby. He’s finally big enough to the point where he’s wanting more and more toys. Haha. Wish us luck! Hopefully, we find some good ones.

We walked into a store that held a bunch of kid items, from beds to toys. We walked through aisles and aisles of toys and just grabbed what seemed perfect for the baby. We saw this big array of baby decor and my wallet cried. However, my wife wanted to look through them, so I let her. Meanwhile, I continued to look through aisles and aisles of toys, and then, I saw it. 

It was my teddy bear, but bigger. I went up to it and its fur was just as soft and white as my lost one. All of a sudden, I feel this sensation of peace rushing through my body, it’s as though life has somehow restored itself. I feel all the funniest and happiest moments that I had when I was a baby. It was almost as a light switch in my brain decided that I can be my happiest self again. There was no overthinking and no chaotic mindset occurring in my head. All of it faded away with the touch of this teddy bear. 

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"I heard the door open. It was my parents. I woke up and stood in my crib to see them with this big white teddy bear. It was almost 2 times the size of me, and at that moment, I knew it was going to be my best buddy. We had the biggest adventures and it always kept me safe from the most dangerous ones. We were like two peas in a pod."