Fish Out of Water

Jack hoisted himself out of the pool, eyes focused hard on the ground.

“Jack?” a girl, his best friend and coach, called. “What happened just then?”

He shook his head and turned on his heels to storm away.

“Jack!” Allyn yelled after him.

He paused. “I don’t know,” Jack snapped. “I don’t know what happened, or why it keeps happening. I don’t know!”

Allyn sighed. Wheeling her wheelchair closer to him, her face warped into a comforting smile, but Jack didn’t want comfort. “It’s okay,” she tried. “We’ll figure it out. Everyone has off days and weeks now and again, it will be alright.”

Jack could feel something inside him snap, and although he tried with everything he had to stay calm, he couldn’t. “You know what? I quit.”

“What?” Allyn said sharply. A million emotions washed over her face. “Jack, what the hell are you talking about?”

Jack turned and continued his walk to the locker rooms. “I said that I quit,” he called over his shoulder.

Allyn continued yelling after him, but he ignored her. He shoved open the door of the boy’s locker room and found his designated locker. His hand reached out to open it, but the tears came first, blocking his vision.

Sitting on the floor of a boy’s locker room was never recommended, yet Jack’s legs refused to work any longer. He fell to the ground as sobs wracked his body. With his face buried in his arms, he had never been more thankful to have stayed late at practice, for the room was empty and no one got to witness his breakdown.

The wall of lockers behind him buzzed as his ringtone echoed throughout the room. It wasn’t Allyn’s ringtone, the funny one they’d set together one day after practice, which meant it could only be one other person. Allyn had called his dad.

Jack cried harder.

Allowing himself only a few more minutes to get it all out, Jack eventually pulled himself up from the floor with great struggle. As much as he’d like to sit there forever and never speak to another person, he knew how worried his dad must be getting with his lack of answering. Numbly, he changed out of his swimwear and grabbed his phone with shaking hands.

Three total missed calls from his dad. Two texts. The first was a simple, “Allyn called, are you okay?” The next looked calm at first glance, but there was clear panic weaved in the unspoken words, “I’m on my way to the school.”

He sat on one of the benches, refusing to leave the locker room. There was no way Jack could ever look Allyn in the eye again. Minutes ticked on slowly as he stared at a single spot on the floor between his legs, and it was a knock on the door that stole him from his thoughts.

Jack stood, grabbed his belongings, and walked dejectedly to the door that he pushed open. As expected, his dad stood on the other side, eyes wide with worry and out of breath as if he’d run all the way inside. The man opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out as his eyes fell on Jack’s tear-streaked face.

A hand grabbed Jack’s shoulder comfortingly, but tears pricked at his eyes again and he pulled away. “Can we go?”

Denzel nodded. “Of course.”

Respecting Jack's adversity with touch, Denzel led them out to his car. Jack didn’t look up the entire trip, afraid Allyn would still be around. He looked into the back seat and his heart dropped.

“Where’s Winnie?” he asked, instantly concerned about his baby sister.

Denzel looked at him from where he was settling into the driver’s seat. “Your grandma was visiting when Allyn called, she said she would watch her so I could come get you.”

Jack nodded silently, staring at the road as he waited for the car to move. When the car remained still, he knew his dad’s eyes were boring holes into the back of his head.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” Denzel inquired softly. Jack shook his head, earning a sigh. “No? Allyn seemed worried over the phone. Said some concerning stuff. Why did she tell me that you’re quitting swimming?”

“Because I am,” Jack muttered.

The car was uncomfortably silent for a long time before Denzel regained his bearings. “Why?”

“Because I’m terrible at it.” He hit the back of his head into the headrest, squeezing his eyes closed. “I’m doing worse and worse every time. I’m getting slower. How does someone get slower?”

“Okay,” his dad began slowly. “First of all, you are not terrible at swimming. You know that; you are one of the best ranked swimmers in your age group. Second, everyone has off days, this won’t stick.”

Jack kept his eyes closed, knowing that he would cry if he didn’t. “But what if it does stick?”

“Then you train, and you get back to the same. Or, if you really do want to quit, then we can figure that out together. Whatever it is, you’ll have me on your side.”

“Allyn wouldn’t be happy if I quit,” Jack whispered.

“She wouldn’t,” Denzel agreed. “But lucky for her, I don’t think quitting is what you really want to do. Is it?”

The teen shook his head.

“You know, oftentimes if an athlete is having an off day or week, it is due to something going on in their day-to-day life. Is there something else going on in that brain of yours that you want to share?”

Jack opened his eyes and took a deep breath. “It’s mom’s birthday this weekend,” he croaked.

“Oh, bud,” Denzel breathed. “I thought that might have something to do with it.”

Although it was uncomfortable, Jack leaned sideways over the center console to rest his head on his dad’s shoulder. “It’s the first one since she passed, and it feels like no one is even acknowledging it. I just- I don’t know. It's a lot.”

“It is. I should have brought it up before. I meant to, but as you said, it’s a heavy situation. When we get home, we should all talk. You, me, and Winnie; together. And Grandma can stay for it if you want her to.”

Jack nodded.

Denzel wrapped an arm around him and squeezed him into an embrace. When he released him, Jack sat upright in his seat and buckled himself in.

As his dad pulled out of the parking lot, he spoke again. “Your mom would be proud, you know.”

Jack felt his heart sink to his stomach as he tactfully avoided looking in his direction.

“Even if you only ever got last place, she would be proud. You go out there every time and give it your all no matter what. She would always be proud of you for that.

Jack ignored the tear that slid down his cheek.

“I’m proud, if that helps,” Denzel added.

A smile broke Jack’s frown. He couldn’t hide the fondness in his tone when he replied, “You’re always proud.”

“What can I say? I’ve got a lot to be proud of.”

The smile faded as quickly as it’d come. “Allyn’s not going to be very happy with me.”

Denzel sighed. “No, but I know you two will talk it out. She was worried more than anything. She could tell that something more was wrong, because you would never quit if you were in your right mind.”

“Are you saying that I’m not in my right mind?”

Denzel chuckled. “Do you have a right mind?”

“I’m going to disown you,” Jack retorted, a chuckle of his own joining with his voice.

“That’s my job.”