The Voice

I’ve always loved the rain. The pitter patter of the drops hitting the roof makes me feel safe. I sit on my book nook that I’ve created in the oversized windowsill of my bedroom and watch as the feeling of calm washes over me. My little house is the perfect depiction of myself. It’s old and has character in every corner from the multitude of DIY’s I have managed to finish. Charming and imperfect. Typically the suburb my house is located in is buzzing with mom’s walking their dogs and kids playing at the park across the street, it always feels weird to see it so quiet. It’s half past ten and pitch black outside which makes the thunder and lightning feel amplified as the storm picks up. 

I grab my phone as I begin to type the message I’ve been meaning to send for weeks now, but keep pushing it off afraid of the ramifications. 

“I know we’ve been seeing each other for a while now, but I just don’t think I can make the commitment and that’s not fair to you”

I know the message is a cop out, and gives absolutely no explanation as to why I really need to end things. I just don’t know what else to say because the truth is I live in a fantasy realm and have since the day of my accident. It’s been three years now, and I’ve tried dating. Trust me. There've been at least 20 first dates in that time, and although there were a few that were very kind and probably had more to offer than I wanted to admit to myself there's only one person stuck in my head. Someone I have no right thinking about and someone who I’m positive has not thought about me once since that day. Truthfully I didn’t even get a good look at his face so I’m not even sure what he looks like exactly, but one thing I do know is his voice is the one thing that held my attention while fighting between life and death. Maybe it’s some psychological issue I need to work through, falling in love with someone who saves your life? Definitely sounds like a plausible explanation, but you’d think I’d work through something like that within the three full years it’s been.

I remember every detail about that day as if it were yesterday. I was on a boat ride with my parents. The sky was a beautiful blue, with a few small fluffy white clouds scattered throughout, no clue what the hell the name of those clouds are but they were the kind that resemble cotton candy. Looking back I wonder if that’s why I always feel a sense of unease during warm summer months but find comfort and solace in the cold and rain. The sun feels like an omen. That day was supposed to be just as all the other times we went fishing. We would go out on the water nearly every Saturday, except the days that the weather didn’t allow for. We all had our favorite spots on the fishing boat, which was my dads pride and joy, me at the very front and my mom and dad side by side in the back right in front of the engine. It was a fairly big fishing boat, I had to talk pretty loudly from my seat in order for my parents to hear me, but I loved it because I got to witness my parents whispering to each other in hushed tones, when they thought I wasn’t paying attention, with constant looks of love. It was the most beautiful thing to witness. My dad started the engine and steered the boat to get us out to the middle of the lake where he then turned it off so we could idle and begin to fish. It was a pretty slow day fishing wise. My dad hadn’t caught anything which wasn’t totally abnormal. I think he just used these days as an excuse to spend quality time together. It wasn’t until he started the engine back up, and it exploded instantaneously that everything went to shit. I don’t even remember it happening, but both of my parents died immediately because of where they were in relation to the explosion. I was flung from the boat by the force of it and knocked unconscious. I remember coming in and out of consciousness every few seconds realizing I was drowning but not having the strength to do anything about it. Completely helpless.

After what felt like a lifetime of drowning and coming to terms with this being my inevitable end, I was yanked from behind by two arms. I couldn’t see them at all but I will always remember the voice in my ear reassuring me with every kick they took to the surface that everything would be okay, and I remember with every affirmation that I wholeheartedly believed him. I lost consciousness completely by the time he got me back to land and the next thing I knew I was waking up in the hospital. Alone.

Ever since that day in the lake I hadn’t been able to feel the level of comfort and reassurance that the stranger who saved my life had made me feel and I couldn’t bring myself to give dating my one hundred percent attention when the only one I wanted was scorched in my mind like a beautiful branding on the most terrible memory of my life.

I immediately turn my phone off after hitting send, unable to face the nasty response I would probably get. I choose to instead focus my attention back on the storm unfolding outside. It wasn’t terrible, and would probably blow over within the next half hour but I wouldn’t be surprised if it knocked a few houses out of power before diminishing completely. While most people had hunkered down preparing for the storm there were still a few cars driving by my house every few minutes. There was a bridge in front of my house just a bit off to the left over the side street which always flooded during heavy rains. All of the cars that I saw drive by seemed to know the area well because they slowed down as they came to the bridge making sure they didn’t flood their engines. It happened fairly often whenever there were storms, and I’ve helped a handful of people calling tow trucks, or insurance companies. There were probably three or four cars that passed by before the midnight blue Dodge Charger made its way past with too much speed. The instant I saw them hit the beginning of the underpass I knew there would be a problem. I grabbed my rain jacket, boots and two umbrella’s then headed outside knowing whoever was driving that car was going to need some assistance. I opened my front door and started making my way down my porch steps as I saw the figure coming up from the flooded street on foot. 

“Hey, everything okay?” I shout trying to get their attention, not sure if they can hear me over the rain and wind.

“I didn’t realize the street would be flooded there and seemed to hit it going too fast. My car has stalled out.” I think that’s what he said, at least something along those lines. It was really hard to hear anything with the rain and wind. I ran over to him, arm extended with the offer of my extra umbrella.

“Yeah sorry about that, they really need to get some signs out here so people unfamiliar with the area aren’t caught off guard, is there any way I can help out?”

“You wouldn’t happen to know of a good tow company nearby would you?”

That voice, it sounds so familiar. I didn’t notice it before but now that I was closer and able to hear him more clearly, I would be able to pick it out anywhere. I couldn’t even remember what he just asked me but he looked up to me and opened his mouth, probably going to repeat himself but instead he looked into my eyes and closed his mouth again looking puzzled over something. I was utterly stunned and couldn’t bring myself to say anything at all frozen in time as the memories flooded my brain.  I just stood there staring at this man for an uncomfortable amount of time before he finally spoke again.

“I’m sorry you look so familiar, have we met before?”