Trigger warning (also spoilers): This story contains themes and content related to death, loss, and emotional distress. Readers who are sensitive to these topics may want to proceed with caution or consider whether they feel comfortable reading. Your well-being is important, and it’s okay to skip this story if needed. Thanks!

A Walk Among Shadows

You wake up at 9 am. The sun’s already shining and brimming with joy, and the birds, sitting on the windowsill and singing songs of gay and innocence, fly away as you climb out of your bed and walk towards the window. 

It’s a beautiful day, really. You can see the kids lining up to get on the school bus, their parents waving goodbye and cheering for them as the bus moves away. To your right, you can hear a pleasant melody from next door, played by the neighbour’s daughter on the piano. You listened to the melody, the twirls and the chirps, and a smile appeared on your face. To your left, a grandma is talking to the street vendor while a bunch of teenagers are discussing the basketball tournament last night. You listen to the sparrows chirping in the trees near the road, the music coming from an old man’s radio, cars honking nearby and somehow even sounds of construction further away.

Deciding that you’re going to get out and walk for a while, you walk away from the windowsill and move forward the door. You pause near your desk, glancing at the ever-so-messy scene: your laptop’s still connected to the power, the highlighters and pens you used till they’re dry, books you borrowed from the library — some opened, some stacked. You flip through the memos on the bulletin board above the desk, noticing the calendar hiding behind all those reminders from Mom and notes by yourself. The calendar says that it is November. You remember that finals are coming soon, though you know your friends would probably be playing board games rather than revising all day, all night.

You reflect briefly on your memories with these friends. Isabel, Marco, Julian. From middle school to college, you had always been together — in the same classroom, same group. You all loved board games, often playing UNO at Marco’s house or inviting a few more friends over to your dorm room to play a few rounds of DND. Well, maybe not just a few. Last week, you invited them over to your house and had a board game night. It was fantastic! You drank some booze, Isabel’s acting made everyone laugh, and Julian’s narrating got you all mesmerised. With them, you always felt so alive, so loved and understood.

The clock chimes. 

You snap out of your stroll in memory lane. You look at the clock, contemplating where to go next. After struggling for a while, you decide to take the bus to the city centre. As you walk downstairs, your cat Gabriel suddenly comes out from nowhere and nuzzles your leg. You bend down to rub him behind his ears as he lies back to enjoy the attention and affection, a gentle smile on his furry face. You give him some more attention, then you continue onwards. You can see your mother in the kitchen, busy preparing for lunch, and your brothers Michael and Dave working on a puzzle in the living room. Your dad’s nodding off in front of the TV. Not wanting to disturb this serenity, you quietly slipped out through the front door. 

The day is just as alive and busy. You stroll down the street, nodding at the elderly ladies carrying elegant purses and stopping to examine the street food by the street vendor. The fishballs look amazing, and the hotdogs taste great. By the time you reach the bus stop, you are already full and satisfied. In front of you are all sorts of people: a busy housewife, an elderly man with a cigarette, a girl in a green dress…

The bus arrives. The line shifts. Everyone waits for the bus to stop, in order to get on. To go where?

You nod at the driver as he nods back— To the elderly man in front of you. You get on the bus, sit down on a seat next to the window and put your chin on the windowsill. As the bus starts rolling, so does the scenery start moving. One moment you’re still looking at the tightly-knitted streets of Cothlink, and the next moment you’re already looking at busy cars on the highway. All sorts of cars appeared in front of your eyes. A cab drives by, followed by a black Mercedes. A BMX honks loudly, and the train on the tracks parallel to the highway responds by passing by quickly. Soon though, the highway splits into crossroads and leads to bridges and tunnels. You look at the vehicles, taking their respective routes and disappearing in all directions. 

The bus lurches forward, turning your scenery from bright to dark, into a tunnel; all you can see is darkness and hear the sounds of cars in front and behind you. Tunnels often felt suffocating to you; you hated how dark they were, and the lack of light made it feel so depressing and full of despair. Yet, this tunnel has lights installed, probably only made possible after years of complaints, and you feel more at peace than before. To you, the darkness doesn’t seem cold anymore, and the streaks of light look like shooting stars in the vast universe. 

After a while, the bus finally comes out of the tunnel and arrives at the city centre. You blink at the sudden brightness, and wait until your eyes are adjusted to the light to get off the bus. You arrive at the city centre, a busy cosmopolitan city and famous tourist spot. 

Different ads show on the billboards, waiters and shop staff alike stand outside their respective businesses, catching unprepared tourists and strongly encouraging them to come in. Businessmen walk hurriedly towards the tall, modern buildings, eyes glued to the screen on their hands; tourists and older folks stroll along the streets, eyes wandering from and to shop names. You look at the scene unfurling in front of you, standing still as crowds walked by you. You feel like a rock standing in the ocean, pushed by the roaring waves yet still quietly standing firm and steady.

Time passes. 

You walk closer to the streets, peering into the restaurants and shops. Inside a cafe, some people are sipping their drinks, some are looking closely at the newspaper, some are working on essays, some are tutoring students… Inside a restaurant, couples are eating lunch together and attracting jealous looks from elsewhere; parents are choosing from the menu while the kids tease each other. Inside this bookstore… 

It’s already evening when you finish walking down the street. Shadows become longer and less defined. In front of you lies a park. You walk into the park, marvelling at the beautiful sunset. As the birds start to fly away and the sun sets, you choose a bench to sit on. There is a gentle breeze as you brush your seat with your hand and sit on the bench, and the flowers are dancing in the fading sunlight. The sky’s a beautiful painting, with strokes of orange, purple and blue splashed on the canvas. It looks amazing, even spectacular, yet you know something’s missing. 

Suddenly, you hear something on your left. You squint into the distance and see some figures heading your way. As they come closer, you realise with a jolt that the figures are your friends — Isabel, Marco and Julian. You wave at them, and they wave back. Julian’s laughing about something, Isabel pretending to be a goblin and Marco gestures at you, asking you to join them. You smile at them and get up from the bench. 

As you walk towards your friends, a phone slips out of your pocket, playing an acoustic version of Bo Burnham’s Goodbye, “So long, goodbye…”

As you reunite with your friends, you laugh, cry, and smile and head toward the ever-fading sunlight…

“It’s over, isn’t it?”

“…”

“Doctor, please, tell me if she’s alive or dead!”

“… I’m sorry.”

“… It’s… not your fault. We asked you to try to save our daughter, and you did. We saw your efforts to get to her and bring her back from the hands of Death; we witnessed you discussing with the other doctors and fainting after a 48-hour surgery. You’ve done more than we could expect, and……”

He banged on the door, speaking in a furious and low voice, “If that police had shot him, our daughter might still have a chance. Her friends too… If I had…!” He banged on the door again.

She remained silent. The doctor, slumped and defeated, took off his glasses. 

……

Dear readers, it’s best that I not tell you what happened. From a misunderstanding to more deaths than I could ever count. Thousands, perhaps even more. She died too, along with them. 

The least I can do for them is one final time to walk among the living and find peace. Then, I will guide their souls. Go gentle into the night, for there is light at the end — shining bright.

“Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” - Matthew 11:28-30

END