Falling for you? Little by little, day by day

Chapter 1: Sammy Dannon

For Sammy Dannon being a counselor, being someone with the power to bring forth a sense of security and relief, wasn’t just a corny childhood dream of his, no. In fact, it was something Sammy swore to actively pursue. Not only to become a counselor, but to stop thinking of himself in the third person. 

  In a huff, he made another paper ball, and proceeded to aim and fail to score into the trash can. He realized, he was failing at achieving his dream, and was starting to wonder what he should actually do next. Being a barista, was amazing, but it couldn’t compare. He had attempted the test 6times, he’d try again to pass the exam again. But the test to become all he ever desired, was seeming to only grow further out of his reach.. His hope was dwindling and his anxiety and wish to be a counselor was fading before his eyes. 

   Just then he was welcomed to his distaste, and displeasure by his roommate and his best friend who arrived, already bickering. They were always so lively, Sammy found it exhausting, and to be honest he was drained in more ways then one. 

  Plopping himself down onto the couch with a dramatic sigh, he laid there and listened to Rori, his best friend and Xain, his roommate and childhood nemesis bicker back and forth. Why Sam had thought any decision he ever made was a good idea ; was beyond him. 

   It was as obvious to him along with everyone else they interacted with that they liked each other. It was torture for Sammy, not like he would ever admit it.

He laid on the couch listening to their banter, until it was quiet and they sat beside him on the couch.

“Sam. Is everything okay?” Rori questioned, Xain bent down to mess with Sam’s hair and Sam groaned. It felt like at times they were his parents,when in reality he was 2 years older than Rori and three years older than Xain. 

  “I’m good. Just thinking, what are you two fighting about now?” Sam asked exasperated, going to the fridge for his go to drink, a monster. He opened it and sipped it vigorously while waiting for an explanation. Though the likeliness of it being an argument of any substance was unlikely. 

  “Xain kissed me, and we were just arguing about why we wouldn’t work. Immature things like that.” Rori admitted while Sam felt a pang, and Xain’s eyes met his, and Sam swallowed. “Isn’t that good? I don’t really understand. Don’t you two like each other? If so what does arguing about it do?” Sam wondered and Rori looked away slightly. 

“See? That’s exactly what I’m talking about. It’s exactly why you are so good at what you do. I cannot wait to see you as a counselor. It’s definitely your calling.” Sam rolled his eyes but couldn’t help how the comment made him want to smile. 

  “It’s because I don’t believe Xain is being genuine about it, and he insists he is. Just seems like we would butt heads too much to be able to work out as a couple.” Rori said softly, and Xain slipped to her side with a quirky grin. 

Sam finished his drink and yawned, stretching his arms above his head.

“You guys will have to figure it out between the two of you. You, Rori are the only reason I tolerate Xain, so I’d wish you guys would either get together or move in together. I can’t keep doing this shit, it’s always something and I’m done, okay?” Sam knew how he sounded, he knew he had asked to know the details, but he was feeling too much. He was overwhelmed and it felt like it itched to be in his own skin, flustered, he threw the empty can in the trash. Though he knew it wasn’t their faults, he needed to get out the negative feelings inside before they continued to consume him alive. 

  Annoyed, Sam left the living-room, behind his bedroom door he felt slightly more settled. But he also couldn’t help feeling sad, wishing he had someone, a special someone to hold in times like this. When he was feeling so disgruntled and disappointed in himself, he was mere months away from being 30 and nothing had changed. He was no closer to his goal than he had been 3 years ago. He would have to apologize later but right now, he was feeling the most like himself in his room. Sam exhaled and hugged a pillow to himself, his phone buzzed in his pocket but he ignored it and laid down, closing his eyes. 

  Sam let sleep take him, hoping when he woke up again he would feel better, any better than he did right now.

—-

Sam woke up to the sound of his bedroom door opening and heard Xain stumbling into his room.

“Xain, what are you doing? Where’s Rori?” Sam questioned about to get up to get her himself, 

“Home…she went home. Can we talk?” Xain’s voice sounded choked up, and the smell of alcohol came off of him in waves. 

Sam rubbed his eyes and looked over at his clock it was almost midnight, Sam looked back over at Xain to give him his full attention. 

“Okay…I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to take out my frustrations on you two. I really need to work on that.” The smile Sam was showing felt forced but Xain didn’t seem to notice, shaking his head and clearing his throat. 

“It’s okay. I know you’re stressed. Rori and I both know that and our trivial shit is laughable compared to the stress you have. I’m sorry Sam, if my being here makes you uncomfortable. I can move at the end of the month if that helps, the last thing I want is for you to be uncomfortable.” Xain toyed with his lip ring as he spoke. His hazel eyes bright with emotion, still showing even as he cast them downward. 

  Sam was thrown by Xain’s sudden emotional state but finding himself scooting closer, “ It’s not you two…not your faults anyway. It’s unfair of me to take out my baggage on you. I know you look to me for help with these sort of things. I’m just feeling – anyway. The point is you don’t need to go anywhere. You’re a good roommate and our past can stay in the past. We aren’t childhood nemesis’s anymore Xain, we are adults. Do you want to talk about why you’re upset now? Why’re you’re drinking?” Sam tried not to sound condescending as he spoke, but he always had been terrible with that tone of his. 

  Xain wiped his face and adjusted his lip piercing again this time with his tongue and swallowed, “I thought beer would help but I feel even more…shit, hold on. “ Xain exhaled slowly and wiped his face, his exhales were shaky and uneven and the silence stretched between them.

“I’m scared. I thought… I thought if I tried and I pushed down my feelings that I could do it. That I could be the man that Rori needs and … actually just be happy…for once.” Xain’s voice caught on a sob, and he went to bury his face in his hands when Sam pulled him into a hug that stopped him in his tracks.

 “S-shit Sam, I-I don’t know what to do. I’m going nowhere in every aspect of my life. I can’t do anything right, hell I can’t even live on my own at this point. I …I feel like a loser and I’m drowning and stuck in place at the same time. I had to get wasted to even admit this, and on top of that. Rori and I aren’t going to date, she’s right. I don’t have my shit together, all my ducks in a row so to speak. I can’t drag her down with me down to my level. Even if I… love her and she loves me. I can’t help but feel the same, even though I care about her so much. D-damn it.” Xain’s voice shook and his frustrated tears fell, his hands grasping tightly onto Sam for dear life. 

  Sam’s hands instinctively rubbed Xain’s back as he held him tightly back, this hug though it pained to hear Xain so broken and upset, was comforting to Sam. In fact, if Sam were honest he was holding back tears himself, for a different reason. 

“I got you Xain, and no one has everything together 100 percent. There is always going to be a time or situation where you’re out of control or disappointed. Nothing is fool proof. But I want you to know, even if we weren’t friends before. I do consider you one now, A close friend and I want you to know,I’m here for you. Good and bad, I’m here. I’m glad you live with me, I’m glad I don’t live in this big house alone. I..i’m glad you stumbled back into my life. Even though I don’t act like it, and I’m not a joy to be around most of the time. I’m here, and I always will be.” Sam felt the tears in the corner of his eyes fall and closed his eyes, hugging Xain tighter. So closely that Sam could feel Xain’s heartbeat and Sam could feel Xain’s.

  Sam could feel Xain laugh, and Xain’s arms around Sam rub his back. “I feel the same, Sam. Thank you. For today…” Xain dropped his arms to his sides and wiped his face again. Xain was still quivering slightly and his eyes were red, but he was smiling , continuing to laugh, and it made Sam feel better too. Sam scratched the back of his neck, scooting back slightly.

“Do you feel better?” Sam asked, smiling back. Xain’s smile was contagious even that cocky conniving smile.

“Yeah. And one more thing, Sam.”

Sam was intrigued, 

“Wake up.”

—-

Chapter 2: Xain Phillips

Confused, with a bed head only from rolling over and over in his bed while in dreamland, Sam sat up. Xain laid next to him, his arm draped over Sam’s lap. Sam rubbed his eyes and slipped sideways off the bed, his eyes still watching Xain with such deafening confusion. 

  Why was Xain in his bed? Was all that happened earlier a dream or what? And lastly, if it was a dream why in the sam hell was he dreaming about Xain? Sam’s heart thundered in his chest, so loud it echoed in his ears, his brain still in a sleep induced fog and the strongest, most disturbing thought slipped into his mind. He had never wanted too or felt the impulse before, but as he looked over Xain, he swallowed hard. His eyes ventured over Xain and froze on Xain’s lips, that lip piercing was sexy to Sam, and also most disturbingly so to his psyche. Sam wanted nothing more but to devour those lips, to taste and lick and delve himself into what he was sure would be the hottest kiss of his adult life. Sam stumbled back, teeth imbedded deep into his bottom lip.

   A panic seized his body and all he could do, was eye Xain over and over asunder, he couldn’t get enough, and he was terrified that he didn’t want to ever. Sam wanted to kiss Xain, until he was breathless, he wanted to climb on top of Xain and hold him and kiss him so deeply that Xain would moan. Sam could picture it and he felt himself burn up just from the thoughts. 

  Sam climbed back into his bed, brushing his fingers down Xain’s face, skimming them over Xain’s lips. Xain awoke with a start, grabbing Sam’s hand.

“ What are you doing Sam? Why are you in my bed?” Xain’s husky toned voice wasn’t helping, if anything that fired Sam up even more.

“I don’t know what I’m doing. But I want to kiss you more then I want to breathe.” Sam’s breathy admission was barely out of his mouth before Xain pulled Sam close. 

“Then do it, kiss me. I dare you..” it was a childish comment, but Sam could care less. He was no longer thinking, hadn’t been for a while. He was just instinctively moving, climbing onto Xain’s lap. Sam was cradling Xain’s face in his hands. 

   Sam bent down his head, his lips hovering over Xain’s for several moments before Sam kissed Xain, deeply, longingly. Sam held Xain’s face, lips moving over Xain’s, the piercing cold against Sam’s burning lips. Sam felt Xain’s hands wander down to his waist and back up as he pulled Sam flush against him.

“Why’d you stop? I didn’t tell you to stop.” Sam was trembling, he had only stopped to catch his breath, the breath that was even harder to catch now. Sam bent his head back down and kissed Xain, like his life depended on it, slowly and immersive, softly and gently. Xain moved his hands into Sam’s hair, his fingers moving against Sam’s scalp and down onto Sam’s neck moving as of Xain didn’t know what to do with his hands. 

  “S-Sam.” This voice of Xain’s, the tone reverberated through Sam, firing him up to another level, Sam’s hands on Xain’s face moved down caressing him as they moved down. Xain suddenly sat up.

“Keep kissing me,” Xain’s lips moved fervently, the longer they kissed the more unraveled Xain became. 

Sam’s hands came back to cradle Xain’s face, his thumbs brushing over his cheeks.

At one point, Sam’s lips felt swollen and stung as they continued to kiss. Sam had been right, 100 percent, kissing Xain had been the hottest most breathtaking kiss he had ever experienced. When it finally ended and the heat between them simmered to a quiet buzz in the background. Xain stared at Sam, his hands moving up and down Sam’s back as he peppered kisses to his forehead and lips, so gently Sam was falling. 

  “Well…shit Sam, do you have a explanation for that.” Xain mused breathlessly, embarrassed and still coming down from the feelings buzzing between them, Sam blushed.

“No…but I want to do it again. Can we do it again?”

—-

The weekend came and went and once Monday came again once more, Sam tried again. This time, for whatever reason, he passed his licensing exam. Sam had done it, he finally was a counselor. 

  His first instinct was to go tell Xain, his name popping into his head before he could even think of Rori which was new sensation that Sam wasn’t particularly upset about. Sam wasn’t sure exactly what they were but he was just so obnoxiously happy. So when he got back home after a long day and slipped into Xain’s room he was already grinning.

  Xain turned as soon as he heard Sam; a welcoming smile mirrored onto his lips. “Hey, how was your day? Come here.” Without a second thought, Sam was standing in front of Xain, Xain’s hands were on his waist. “Don’t be shy, come here baby.” Sam was melting into Xain’s touch.

  “I did it Xain! I’m finally a counselor!” Tears, happy tears, made Sam’s eyes bright and his gaze watery. 

Xain was grinning and pulled Sam into a hug, 

“I’m so happy for you. I knew you could do it.” Xain’s whisper fell over Sam’s ear, tickling the skin there. Goosebumps covered the back of his neck and he hugged Xain back.

   “I wanted to tell you first. But I also had a question. What exactly are we? Are we dating or just friends with benefits? I just want to know where we stand.” 

Xain was holding Sam and Sam could hear Xain’s racing heart.

“I’d like to date you. I know it’s been confusing and I’ve always acted like a goofball around you, constantly joking around. But to be honest, I like you, and if you’d like too, I’d like nothing more than to be your boyfriend,”

  Sam’s emotions were at an all time high, so when he hugged Xain, he grunted slightly. “Yes, can I kiss you now?” Sam was vibrating with happiness so when their lips touched this time, Xain was chuckling pulling Sam so close, kissing him with a tenderness that shook Sam to the core.

  A knock on the door paused their kisses for a moment, and Rori strolled in smiling. “You did it?! why did Xain find out first?” Rori looked so happy and in the same moment slightly hurt.

“Because…he’s my boyfriend.” 

Rori had a cake in her hand which was slipping toward the floor.

“Okay, wow. Congrats you guys! I had to find out through your mom. Because after calling her you came straight home. It’s hard to be mad at you, with that smile on your face. “ Rori stepped closer, setting the cake on Xain’s desk, to hug Sam and Xain together.

“I’m happy for you guys.I’m glad things worked out. I told you so Xain.” As the hug ended Sam turned to give Xain a wondering look. Xain blushed burying his face into Sam’s back. 

   Rori stepped back and proceeded to cut cake for them all, Xain’s face buried in Sam’s back, moved to be buried in Sam’s chest when he turned around.

“Hey, Xain look at me. Look at me, X.” Xain lifted his head, face stained red and a nervous smile on his lips.

 “So cute, “ Sam leaned down to press a chaste kiss to Xain’s lips.

“You can go back to kissing after we have cake.” Rori reminded them teasingly. 

“Thank you Rori,”

She giggled and handed them each a plate, holding her own plate and eating her cake. Unable to hold back the smile gracing her lips.

“Anytime, you are my best friend after all.”