No Connection

Siya rushed to her desk. She was late again and hoped Ruby wouldn't notice. She could be such a bitch. Ruby wasn't even her boss, she'd just been with the company longer and thought that warranted her power over Siya. Her reason for being late was her ex, who had gotten her late in the past, but for good reason. They used to be so in love. They'd spend all night talking and making love and do the same in the morning, causing Siya's lateness. Those times were blissful. Now she couldn't even stand him, quite hated the sight of him.

After finding out he'd been cheating for 8 months of their 2 year relationship, she felt like she never even knew him. They'd broken up 6 months ago after she caught him, on accident, when she overhead a phone conversation. "Yeah babe, I'm gonna finish up here quickly and come right over. My sister's having a really hard time and I just have to be here for her. But I can't wait to see you", he'd said to the mystery woman on the phone. For a moment, she felt nothing. Like she didn't just hear what she heard. Like it was some sort of dream or prank being played on her. She quickly snapped back to reality and charged into the room with full rage. He'd been caught and confessed everything. From there, her heart had just been a wreck.

This morning he came over to pick up the last of his stuff. After the break up, the next week  actually, he's job sent him to Germany for 6 months. So his stuff was just in the guest bedroom which she never opened. When he came over, he seemed fitter and better looking than before, which absolutely infuriated Siya. While he was taking his stuff downstairs, she was crying on the phone to her best friend. "He looks so good Sethu. He seems taller even. How is that even possible, he's 30", she said. "And I'm here looking basic. Like I did when he left. Oh God, I think I might have even gained weight. I'm a slob, that's why he cheated". "Babe, you're hot, the hottest person I know. So stop all this crying. Also you have a date tonight, remember? A date with a hot Quantity Surveyor. So fuck that cheating bastard. He can rot for all I care", Sethu said.

Sethu was right. Fuck him. She was moving on. She redid her make-up and watched him take all his stuff, without saying a word to each other. Kind of like he was walking out of her life all over again. It hurt deeply to see him. She felt if she said anything, she would breakdown crying again. And she definitely wasn't doing that. She spent 6 weeks in bed just feeling bad about herself after the break up, she wasn't going through that again. "Thank you for being patient and for letting me keep my things here.", he said. "Sure", she replied. "Well, it was good seeing you. Bye." and with that, he left.

She cried again after that. And that was the honest reason why she was late. But it felt better blaming him. She spent the rest of her day with her head down. All those feelings of betrayal and hurt had resurfaced and she didn't feel like talking to anyone. After work, Sethu called. She thought about not answering her phone and just crawling into bed when she got home and crying herself to sleep. But she knew that would just make Sethu come over and even though she loved her, she just was in no mood. "Hey", she said, faking enthusiasm. "Okay, so the guy's name is Aphiwe. He'll meet to you at The Palace restaurant at 7pm. Don't be late". "Shit", she said. "Don't tell me you forgot about the date.", Sethu said. "Of course not", Siya lied, "I just bumped into something. I'll be there".

Aphiwe had finalized the project he'd been working so hard on. The board had approved it, he was relieved. After almost a year of working endless office hours, he felt like he could finally breathe. This was also perfect as he had a date tonight. Something he hadn't been in a long while. A year and a half to be exact. He didn't know if he was ready for a relationship or not. But it was just a first date, he'd see if there was a connection there.

He decided to have lunch at his favourite café, CaCoffee. It was apparently under new management but he didn't care. The place had the best view and the staff was friendly and their coffee was to die for. He sat in his usual spot, took out his laptop and started looking through his emails. "Aphiwe", a familiar voice said. It can't be. It's not. God please don't let it be, please, please, he thought. He reluctantly looked up. Yep, it was her. There was no denying it. She was as stunning and beautiful as ever. Which made his heart beat even faster. "Khiwe, hey. What are you doing here?", he said, trying to sound as casual as he could. "I own the place. I bought it like a month ago and yeah, I'm a business owner", she said happily. "Oh, so you're back in the city? Cool, cool", dude keep it together, he thought. "So, I'll have the number 57 and black coffee", he said. Instantly regretting it. "Coming right up", she said with a smile. He left the cafe after he left. Practically running out.

Why were you so rude? Why didn't you ask her how she was? When she moved back to the city? Why she moved back to the city? A number 57? You're a true dick, he thought with remorse. But didn't she deserve it? She ran out on you, he thought again. It was true,  Khiwe and him dated for 3 years, after 2 years he proposed, 6 months later she told him he felt like they were moving fast. He didn't mind and  understood of her fears. "Let's just go back to dating and being us, we don't have to be engaged or married or anything. As long as we're together. That's what really matters to me. You matter to me", he'd said. That night they made love through the night. It was the best sex of his life.

In the morning, he awoke to a note next to him. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING. I REALLY DO. BUT I CAN'T DO THIS. I CAN'T DO US, I KNOW, THIS MIGHT BE CONFUSING I'M SO SORRY. PLEASE FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE ME. PLEASE KNOW THIS ISN'T YOUR FAULY. IF YOU TAKE ANYTHING FROM THIS, PLEASE KNOW IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. I JUST NEED TO BE ALONE. I NEED SOMETHING NEW. I NEED TO BE BY MYSELF. YOU ARE WONDERFUL AND I'M A COWARD. I LOVE YOU AND I'M SO SORRY.

Thinking about the note made him chuckle sarcastically. It was very hard not to take it personally when the love of your life breaks off your engagement and then leaves you the following day. He tried everything to contact her, get some answers, anything. She was unreachable. Friends and family had promised her not to give out her information. He felt so stupid that everyone seemed to know about the break up before he did. And like a pariah, looking and asking for people for her contact details and her whereabouts. 

After three months, of constant worry and and social media stalking, he found out she'd moved to New York and worked at Starbucks Coffee Company. This made sense now, her owning a cafe and all. After a while he forced himself to forgive her, forgive himself and threw himself into his work. And now, with his first break in a long time, she was back. He was upset. So upset. 

Life was cruel, when he was ready to put himself out there, she shows up. The rest of the day was off for him. He was angry and confused. He couldn't process seeing her again. He'd been caught completely off guard. He didn't know if her ever meant anything to her, didn't know if he really forgave her, didn't know if was completely over her. 

His alarm went off, it was 19:00. He was in the car outside the restaurant. He wanted to cancel the date, but didn't want to disappoint his date. But he honestly didn't want to be there. 

Siya got off her Uber at 18:50, and walked slowly into the restaurant. She didn't want be there. She wanted to be in bed, feeling sorry for herself. 

He got there and she was sitting. "Hey, Siya?", he enquired. "Yes, Aphiwe?", she replied with a faint smile. They ordered. Had a casual conversation. Laughed a little. He paid the bill. Walked her out and waited for her Uber. The date lasted an hour. 

"Look, I'm sorry for tonight. You seem like a nice guy. But something happened today that threw me completely off and I've been like that the whole day. I- I just wasn't myself. Sorry for a crappy date", Siya said. "Ditto", he said. Relieved that she thought the date was crappy too. They awkwardly hugged and said their goodbyes.

She got home and cried. He got home and cried.