Elly

LIGHT

I awoke to Mama wrapping my butt like a gift while she went on and on about poo and pee right before she hid me under her jacket. It was so hard to breathe, but I needed to keep on. I was more terrified about what's gonna happen next when I heard her talk about me leaving for good. Is she getting rid of me? 

DARK

There was this girl I've never seen before. She tried to steal me away from mama, but I was scared of her sad smile so I tried to claw my way closer to mama's chest. No, mama! Please don't let her get me. I wanted to beg mama, but I was so shocked I couldn't even make any sound of protest. The girl took me in her fragile arms, and I was so scared they'd give away. I felt her muster all her force to support my body. I tried to wriggle, but that made her cling to me even more.

I looked back at mama, afraid and hurt I'd see her tears. No, mama was smiling. What does that even mean?

That was the last time I saw her, waving at us, clutching some blue printed papers. Did she let me go because of papers?

TRAVEL

I wanted to get out of the car. Where is this girl taking me? I was so anxious she would abuse me, but her caresses told me something else; her voice although unclear promised comfort. I tried my best to not hurt her although I've already made scratches on her legs. 

NEW NAME

I was so used to hearing chu-chu or tsk-tsk whenever mama wanted me to go to her, but this girl told me that she decided on a proper name to call me. I don't know if I liked it. She looked at me with those sad eyes and called me as if I were someone else. Maybe it reminded her of someone. Why those sad eyes? I wish I would find out.

NEW HOME

It's been a week since I got here. The girl who took me bought me things she said I needed and toys I could play with, but I bit them to pieces. She never lifted a finger on me though. Maybe that's a good sign to destroy more things? 

Again and again, she would tell me to call her mom. I still don't trust her because she's just this girl with fragile arms, but I started warming up to her. Besides, she gave me my new best friend squishy. Mama never got me anything other than food and water, and only a little. I never really got to sleep with my stomach so full like right now. In fact, my belly’s so heavy and my eyes … I think the world is calling out to me I should heed it.

DAY-TO-DAY

It's quite lonely in this place. I hardly see anyone other than this girl. She plays with me but also spends a lot of time sleeping. Is she that tired? 

I've seen her smiling lately though. I don't know what she's up to, but she seemed quite lively. I was up for hours because she was working on this colorful thing, and she kept reminding me to never touch it. What did she call that thing again? Panting? Pailthing? Errr something that sounded like pain — painthing. Bah! I'm pretty sure no such word exists because I've never heard of it before but whatever. She spent days working on it, and I couldn't understand what it actually was although there's this furry creature — wait, that's not me! Or is it? Nah. I think it's a cat or something like it sitting a few feet away from a boy with messy hair and a scarf. It doesn't matter. I actually quite liked it. 

OPENING

She hugged me tight today it caught me off guard. I flinched. What did she do that for? Don't get me wrong, I'm just not used to that kind of thing. So I also started struggling and biting her arms. Was that why she began crying? Did I bite so hard?

CRISIS

The girl’s usually out at night and comes home in the morning. It's unusual, but I think it's how she's able to buy me that delicious white liquid and other stuff. I try to be still whenever she's away and just sleep it off. Anyway, she told me to be kind, patient, strong and loving before she left me alone again. I can’t tell you, for sure, what she wanted from me. Although I think those meant I have to be a little not me.

How is that even possible? Wait, who even am I?

A while after she shut the door, I started running like I've never run before. 

IN TROUBLE

The girl came home looking tired with those small eyes of hers looking smaller than I remembered. Uh-oh. Trouble. I must've run wilder last night than I thought. In fact, I was even able to break into her bedroom. Ugh. Those questions kept bugging me I had to get them off my mind. I caught a wire lying on the floor and bit it, out of frustration. And out of desperation I must've knocked down a large mirror leaning on the wall. I don't know what else I've torn because I was just so mad (although I honestly did enjoy the whole thing too, you can't make me admit to that. Not out loud, at least). When adrenaline rush was over, I think I've done a few more mess here and there before drifting to sleep.

Suddenly wide-eyed, the girl gaped at the culprit which turned her place upside down. I tried to step close to her but she had this tone I've never heard before. I froze. Have I crossed the line? Maybe now I deserved some beating. I watched her closely as she picked a mop. I braced for impact.

Nothing. 

No mop hit my body; no legs kicked at me. The girl quietly cleaned up after the mess I created. I watched her intensely from a corner and again wondered what this all meant. I always thought the warmth of hand strokes only came after some beating, whether or not I messed up. That’s what I had always heard from mama. I didn’t know it was possible to not be hurt, especially when I actually did something not good. I didn’t know it was possible to feel punished and yet forgiven. What is this girl doing to me?

CLOSING

I heard her shriek so I came to her. She looked at me, patted my head and said, “I’m okay, Elly” over and over, as I sat there just looking at her, trying to be there.

Please be okay m--

I’m beginning to worry about her. A lot was new to me, but she guided me and slowly taught me things. She made me feel a lot of things. I don’t know, but I want to do the same for her I guess. So I pawed her, and her face broke into a wider smile than usual as she hugged me.

Elly thinks Elly could get used to this, mom.