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9:47 PM
Sarah: Hey Danny, you up?
Danny: hey sis
Sarah: This is going to sound weird but I keep hearing these strange notification sounds from my phone. Not just notifications, but like…echoes... different?
9:49 PM
Danny: diff how? What’s an echo notification tbh, prob just the bldg settling
9:50 PM
Sarah: Like it's distorted or something. Almost like it's underwater. I put the phone in the bedroom so I could focus on this work project but I’m still freaking out.
Danny: ok, maybe your phone’s haunted or ur prob just tired tbh. how many hrs u been at that laptop? deadline?
9:51 PM
Sarah: Too many. But this is different. OK, now I'm hearing the typing sound. You know that little keyboard click? But I can see you're not typing.
Danny: maybe someones else msging u? check ur convos and
9:54 PM
Sarah: Wait, your last message broke up. What did the middle part say?
9:55 PM
Danny: just that maybe someone else msging u?
9:56 PM
Sarah: Did you hear about what happened to Mrs. Kendrick's cat?
9:57 PM
Danny: moms old neighbor? nah what happened?
9:59 PM
Sarah: Nothing. I just wanted to check something. Danny, when did we last talk about Mom?
10:01 PM
Danny: talked bout her last week. her bday coming up n all
Sarah: Her birthday is in November.
10:02 PM
Danny: its april lol ur losing it sis
[Typing indicator appears and disappears three times]
10:05 PM
Danny: Did you refill that prescription?
Sarah: Yeah, few days ago. I keep forgetting to take them.
Danny: I thought the white pills helped u?
Sarah: They’re blue pills now. Changed months ago.
10:09 PM
Sarah: Danny?
Danny: sry bad signal rn. phones being weird
Sarah: That sound – going to check the bedroom.
Danny: Don’t
10:10 PM
Danny: remember how mom would check on us @ nite?
Danny: how shed stand in the doorway until we pretended 2 sleep?
Sarah: We were kids.
Danny: sorta still are. I feel frozen in my teens.
10:11 PM
Sarah: The sound is getting louder. Creepy. But it's not just the notification tone anymore. It sounds like...
Sarah: This is going to sound crazy – it's a voice.
Sarah: It sounds like Mom's voice
10:13 PM
Danny: fr u need some sleep sarah. u need a break from the laptop.
10:14 PM
Sarah: No, I need to figure this out. The sounds are definitely coming from my phone but they're all wrong. Like someone's playing them through a broken speaker.
Danny: ur working 2 hard fr fr. maybe go see ur doc?
Danny: Most pple doing work fm home r kicking back, but ur working 24/7 seems.
10:15 PM
Sarah: No, I'm fine. I know you worry about that.
Danny: ur the big sis I get it but u need to take better care of urself. u still seeing dr matthews?
10:17 PM
Sarah: Did I tell you about Dr. Matthews?
Sarah: I started seeing her after your accident.
[Message marked as read - 10:18 PM]
[No response for 3 minutes]
10:21 PM
Sarah: Oh god
Sarah: Who am I talking to?
[Notification sound from bedroom]
10:26 PM
Sarah: Danny please answer
10:28 PM
Sarah: I need to know it's you
Danny: chill sis ur freaking out over nothing
Sarah: Tell me something only you would know.
10:29 PM
Danny: srsly? ok remember when u crashed moms car n blamed it on me?
Danny: i covered for u even tho i was like 14 lmao
10:33 PM
Sarah: That's not what happened. I took the blame for you.
10:35 PM
Danny: oh yeah mb im getting mixed up
10:37 PM
Sarah: The sound is getting worse.
Sarah: I should check my phone.
Danny: no dont
Danny: stay at ur laptop
10:39 PM
Danny: we need 2 talk
Sarah: Why don't you want me to check my phone?
10:40 PM
Danny: its not safe
Sarah: What does that mean?
10:45 PM
Sarah: Danny?
Danny: mother misses you sarah
Danny: mother wants to talk
10:46 PM
Sarah: You're not Danny.
Danny: we can all be together again
Danny: just like before
10:48 PM
Danny: before the accident
Danny: before everything
10:49 PM
Sarah: I'm calling the police.
Danny: bad idea, anyway ur phones in the bedroom sarah
Sarah: What? Why are all my windows open, it’s so cold??
10:50 PM
Danny: fresh air helps you think
10:51 PM
Danny: ur all alone sarah
Danny: look at ur hands sarah
[Sarah looks down at her hands, notices they're covered in dried blood]
10:52 PM
Sarah: Oh god what's happening to me?
Danny: look behind u
[Sarah’s gaze falls on the wall behind her. It’s covered in handwritten notes, photos, and sticky notes, all detailing her neighbors’ lives and routines.]
11:01 PM
Sarah: The walls…oh god, the walls. What did I do?
[Notification sound from bedroom, louder now, distinctly like a woman's voice]
11:06 PM
Sarah: There's nothing behind me
Sarah: There's nothing behind me
Sarah: There's nothing behind me
11:07 PM
Danny: look at the walls sarah
[Sarah finally turns away from her laptop screen. Her phone's notification sound is now clearly her mother's voice, calling her name]
11:09 PM
Sarah: The walls
Sarah: I didn't write this
11:11 PM
Sarah: I COULDN'T HAVE WRITTEN THIS
Danny: but u did
11:14 PM
Danny: look at ur hands again
Danny: look what youve been doing all week
11:15 PM
Danny: while u thought u were working
11:17 PM
Sarah: The neighbors
Sarah: The photos on my phone
11:18 PM
Danny: I told u not 2 look at ur phone
Sarah: All those pictures of people sleeping
11:19 PM
Sarah: Was I there?
Sarah: Did I go into their homes?
11:21 PM
Sarah: They’re sleeping, right? This is just photos of them sleeping?
11:24 PM
Danny: mother taught us to be quiet
Danny: mother taught us to be still
11:25 PM
Danny: remember? b4 she died & B4 i died
[In the reflection in the laptop screen, Sarah sees her mother standing behind her, a faint smile on her face.]
11:26 PM
Danny: died – it sounds so much nicer than what really happened, right sis?
Danny: right sis?
11:38 PM
Sarah: MOTHER WANTS TO COME HOME.
Sarah: MOTHER WANTS TO COME HOME.
Sarah: MOTHER WANTS TO COME HOME.
11:44 PM
Sarah: MOTHER IS HOME.
[Message marked undeliverable] [All previous messages deleted] [Connection terminated]
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Wow—this story was deeply unsettling in the best possible way! The creeping sense of dread built so naturally, starting with a simple tech glitch and escalating into full psychological horror. I love how you played with the idea of unreliable perception—Sarah’s gradual realization of the truth felt like a slow descent into madness, making the final moments hit even harder.
Your use of the chat format was fantastic. The interruptions, distortions, and broken messages added to the eeriness, making it feel like something was constantly interfering—not just with Sarah’s phone, but with reality itself. That final reveal with the wall and the photos? Absolutely chilling.
A couple of small editorial suggestions that could make this even stronger:
Foreshadowing the Nature of the Messages Earlier – The moment Sarah realizes Danny is slipping up in details about their past is powerful. You might amplify the tension by adding subtler inconsistencies earlier on—maybe a slight time lag, a weirdly formal phrase from "Danny," or an unnatural repetition of words. This would make Sarah’s moment of realization even more spine-chilling.
Clarifying the Role of "Mother" – The presence of their mother is terrifying, but is she a literal ghost, a hallucination, or a manifestation of Sarah’s fractured mind? Keeping some mystery is great, but anchoring her role just slightly more could make the horror feel even more tangible—especially when Sarah begins repeating "MOTHER WANTS TO COME HOME."
Overall, this was an incredibly immersive, disturbing, and expertly-paced horror piece. I was completely gripped from start to finish! Can’t wait to read more of your work.
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I'm glad you liked the story and thanks so much for the suggestions.
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