In my head

   There are pink and red lights above me. The ones that are pretty and put you in a good mood. The ones you’d see on a Pinterest board that you’d bookmark because the beauty of it gave you a dopamine rush or if you liked it enough, made it your wallpaper even.

  I put all of my focus into these pink and red lights so I don’t start trembling. The first party that I ever went to, and of course my psyche didn’t mix well with it. 

  I looked to my right; a group of girls plastered in the same denim shorts and crop top combo were drunkenly laughing. A pretty girl with long lashes that stuck out in the group who wore a cowboy hat and boots paired with a red lip, holding a Corona beer in her hands locked eyes with me for a second before looking away. 

  Aw, great now these people are probably pitying me and thinking I look weird. I looked down at my phone and checked the location of my friend Mya, who convinced me to go to this party with her, but because of her work schedule said to meet her there instead of going together. I was annoyed because she promised me it would only be five minutes that I would be at this party by myself, but it had been thirty. 

  To my dismay, her location read the shitty restaurant that she waitressed at. I sighed, then scanned the room again to see if anyone was paying attention to me looking stupid. And of course, I locked eyes with yet another person. 

   The person waved. I smiled awkwardly, waved back, then looked away. 

   This person particularly was a tall, brown haired and by the look of his outfit, a fellow frat guy. He was cute, but I didn’t think anything else of him besides hoping for the fact that he wouldn’t say anything to me or about me jokingly to anyone near him. 

    “Hello,” Mr. Frat Boy was now in front of me smiling and with his hand out towards me. I gulped.

    “Hi,” I said as I tucked my hair behind my ears and pursed my lips awkwardly. Gosh, get away from me, is what I thought as I started to get the hot flash feeling from my anxiety consuming me, I hoped he didn’t notice. 

 He paused. Why did he pause? 

 “So, ah, you from here?” He asked, leaning back, taking his hand back. God, a cringy conversation.

 I nodded, before swallowing another gulp that I too, hoped he didn’t notice. “Uh, well I go here for school, I’m from Iowa originally.” He didn’t ask for all that stupid, my inner voice echoed in my head causing me to yet again, gulp.

 He didn’t even blink. “Oh okay, that's dope…you a…sophomore? Junior? Can’t really tell these days, haha,” He said as he leaned back on the wall.

 I tried my hardest not to roll my eyes. Was this his way of trying to get into my pants for the night or what? Did I look easy? 

 “Junior,” I said nonchalantly, hoping he would take the hint that I didn’t want to talk to him. 

 He nodded then leaned back, “Makes sense.” 

  There was a pause for a moment; him waiting for me to continue the conversation like a normal person, likely. I just wanted to get the hell out of there. 

 “You like San Diego so far?” He then asked. Oh my god.

 I awkwardly nodded, “Um, yeah, I mean…it’s beautiful and way different than Iowa..where I'm from...” Gosh, why am I so weird? “But I miss my family back home.” Goddamn it Jules you didn’t need to add all of that info, your main objective is to leave from this conversation.

Before he could respond, a group of fellow frat-looking boys walked up to him and our conversation.

Get me out of here. 

“Wyatt, my man,” One short guy from the group particularly said, dapping him up. The guy then glanced at me before looking back at ‘Wyatt.’ He smirked. 

 “You got the joints?” Wyatt asked. The short guy nodded and then pulled out a baggie from his fanny pack, then handed it to Wyatt.

 Wyatt sniffed the bag, then smiled. “You're the best man,” He said. 

  I darted my eyes to where the rest of the frat boy group was before realizing that they had all left, half of them scattered around the living room engaging in flirty conversations with freshmen in skimpy clothing. I hoped that wasn’t what Wyatt thought this interaction was going to be like with me.  

 The short frat boy then dapped up Wyatt again. “I’ll see you Monday,” he said holding a peace sign up. Wyatt nodded, and then he left. 

  “You smoke?” He said, then turning to me. 

  I paused. I thought we would’ve stopped talking by now. That he would’ve left, and that Mya would've already been back from her shitty waitress job and would’ve saved me from all of this mess. God freaking damn.

  I shook my head, even though it was a lie. 

  He cocked his head to the side for a second, probably taking in the fact that I was being so incredibly weird. 

  I looked down at my shoes. This is why no one likes you, the inner voice in my head echoed. I did another small gulp. 

 He then took a prerolled joint out of his bag, then dug in his pockets, finding a green and black lighter. “You wanna try?” He then asked.

 Before I could answer there was a loud knock at the door. My eyes darted immediately to one of the fellow frat boys opening the door, and there stood Mya. 

 Thank you, god!

“Hey, Mya!” I yelled out, waving from the inside of the house so she could see me. Mya then walked up to me and Wyatt, smiling and clutching the purse she had in her hand. 

 “Sorry,” she said running her hands through her long blonde curls. “They made me stay late like always, they’re super annoying!” 

 Her eyes then darted to Wyatt and I, where we stood next to eachother awkwardly. She raised an eyebrow, she knew me well and knew that I didn’t want to be there.

  “Well,” Wyatt said, lifting himself off the wall that he was leaning on. He put the joint and lighter he had back in his pocket. “Don’t want to interrupt this, I guess,” he said chucking. 

  He paused for a second before adding, “And I gotta go, see you later…uh..”

  “Jules,” I said.

  He nodded, then put a peace sign up smiling awkwardly before leaving. 

  “Who was that?” Mya asked, scoffing. 

   I shrugged.