TRUGMES

TW: sensitive topic involving LGBTQ community and alienation

Trugmes was a beacon of light in this world filled with darkness. I remember the day I met him as both the best and the worst of my life. His bright inquisitive eyes looked at me the same way Douglas (my dog) did, without judging me or showing me pity. I am a deviant, most of the people around me don’t care about my existence unless they have to deal with someone like me, and there is another group of prejudiced people who are bothered by the fact that we exist. These jerks insist on knowing what kind of sexual organs we have.  I am just a human, whose body and soul are not the same.  There are many names people call me, most of them being abuse, but I prefer Monica.

That day I was rushing home, after a long day of bartending. It was hard for me to walk, my ankles were swelling even though I wore heels most of the time. Usually, I get stares for just being different, but this time I was also at an intersection where ruthless thugs and stoners were roaming.  I was pacing up and looking back and forth every minute. Someone called me “Tranny”, I turned back for a second, and they were bullies, more like criminals, giving menacing looks. "What're you?" they began taunting me.” Sadly, it wasn’t the first time I heard someone asking me that, but it really felt like a threat for the first time. Although I was terrified, I pretended to be courageous and asked them to get off my back. One of them tore a piece of my cloth with a wrench while following me. When they were nowhere to be found, I sprinted through an abandoned building as fast as I could.

After hiding there for 15 minutes, I thought they would leave, but I was too scared to leave. Peering out the windows, I wondered whether they were still on the lookout for me. Examining the building, it looked like an old office, there were many documents scattered around. A light shone inside the restroom as I was walking through the hallway; it was odd to find electricity in an abandoned building. As I walked into the restroom, I noticed it was empty. As I gazed into that dusty, blurry mirror, for a blink of an eye, I loathed what I saw. I'm bothered by these broad shoulders and masculine features. I will never look like a real girl, no matter how much makeup I wear. I will never stop being hunted by these people. But I am me, and I feel like myself in those satin silky clothes and high heels, who is both naive and strong at the same time. One of the few people with two spirits in the same body. I sought solace in hugging myself tightly, I smiled at myself to elevate my spirit. My choice was to love myself over the hatred these people inflicted upon me; my choice was to smile rather than cry. I noticed burning wounds on my shoulders, so I grabbed a tissue from my purse and whipped the blood off, that is when heard those footsteps.

I was scared as if I am in a mousetrap, there was no way that they would not find me. I was dumber than a box of hair, choosing to be in this one room with a light over all the others. The feeling of terror swept over me, causing the muscles of my neck to tense and my chest to tighten as if someone was pulling it from behind me. I sat down near the door, squeezing my eyes shut, and tried not to think about anything. My ears picked up an eerie sound of something crawling towards me. It was a creature with tentacles like a marine amphipod, it had an oversized head and green skin which looked like a green Slurpee. I was petrified; I couldn't move. Despite my desire to scream, my voice got trapped in my throat. As if sensing my fear, it stopped moving and blinking. I don't know why I felt it wasn't trying to hurt me; it moved his head just like I did as if it was trying to mimic me. It moved towards the mirror and started staring at its reflection, even if I wasn’t feeling threatened by it, I didn’t know what I am dealing with, so I just wanted to leave.  

The tentacles were growing out of its body, and for a moment, they grasped my hands, causing the soft hair on the back of my neck to chill. Something peculiar happened in front of my eyes; its skin changed shape slowly until it resembled mine. At that moment, I was sure it wasn’t from this planet. In fear, I slammed my back against the door and it made a loud noise. Suddenly, I heard the thugs running toward me, and I wasn't sure who I should be scared of. As I sat by the exit, their hands gripped my entire body as they forced me into the bathroom. They noticed someone who looked just like me inside the room as I cried for help. The first thing they did was stunned, then one of them tried to attack it, and the tentacles came out of its body and wrapped around one thug's neck. He was lifted and slammed against the wall, falling onto the ground unconscious. The rest of the group was terrified, and two of them fled. The terror-struck man was panting and helpless as the tentacles grasped his legs and neck, and he was unable to escape. Almost to death, he was choked by it.

When it moved towards me, it was still in my form. Sitting next to me, it seemed to be saying I was safe with it. 

I asked him " What are you?" 

It whispered in my ears. “T-R-U-G-M-E-S”.

“Trugmes?”  I repeated in confusion as I looked into its eyes.

 It repeated "Trugmes" while touching its chest.

Trugmes was its name. I didn't know its gender, whether to call it him, her, or anything else, but it sounded like a masculine name.

Pointing upwards, he said, "Grypso".

Maybe he meant his planet. When I smiled at him, he mimicked my expression. We both stood in front of the mirror with the same form, but we were from different planets, and everything about us was different. His eyes were beautiful and he was kind. Due to his differences, I assumed he was a threat, even assuming his gender from his name. To him, I was just a person in need of assistance.

Trugmes was leaving the building since he now looked like an earthling. He might have thought he is safe in this world with my form. I was never safe here, and Trugmes - the alien - is going to have a tough time. Seeing him, I pointed in the direction of one of my molesters. Trugmes tilted his head quizzically a look of surprise crossed his face, and I nodded him to believe me. Trugmes shifted shapes when he touched one of them with his tentacles. Then he looked at me for a while afterward, bowed to me, and smiled before walking away.

As I stood there looking in the mirror, I saw tentacles in my reflection, it asked me “what are you?”. What am I? yes,  I am an alien on my own planet for many people.