Feathers of the In-Between

She walks toward me, while I keep walking forward, toward her. We close the distance step by step. When I’m a few steps away from her, I already feel the warmth in my chest spreading to my face.

“Hey,” she says.

“Hi,” I smile back.

“Ready to get our well-deserved bubble tea?”

“Always.”

When I see the crinkles of her eyes and the smile that she has never shown to anyone but me, I feel something soft touching my bare arms. Within minutes there’s white everywhere. Little feathers fall from the sky into her curly brown hair. She looks up and lets out a sigh and a laugh follows which promises something.

“I only ever had thoughts about experiencing this one day. Come, let me show you something.” One look at me and she reaches her hand to fold it slowly into mine. For a second there’s something I could only describe as discomfort in her eyes, but it disappears as quickly as it came. I try to give her the most encouraging smile I can give her, somehow knowing this meet-up will be different. Full of surprises and promises. Curiosity and excitement tingle in my fingers as I let my expectations fall on the backseat.

“Where are we going?”

“Let me surprise you.”

We step away from the sidewalk onto a gravel road. The sound of our footsteps breaks the silence. The silence isn’t weighing on us, it rests lightly on our shoulders while we’re following the route. It pleases me to know we’re both here, wherever here must be. The path is in the middle of two different forests. It divides them into two parts that are equally as imposing. Trees so green and gigantic I should have felt so small. But it comforts me in some way. To know they keep an affectionate eye on us. The left forest feels like a place where it’s always sunny and warm and the right one is where cold air is settled in clouds and stars.

Lilac feathers follow the white ones. In an instant, we’re surrounded by color. Pink feathers land on her shoulders to stay there comfortably until they are washed away. Blue feathers stick out of her hair like a crown.

My whole body wants to touch her. Ruffle through her hair. Perfect the blue feathers there.

I wonder how I must look, while she keeps sneaking glances at me in a way like I’m the only thing in the world.

“Let me show you the In-Between. You must have heard of it before.” When I don’t show any sign of recognition, she sighs exaggeratedly.

“Come on, you must have heard stories of lovers who came here to escape the real world, right? Only when it rains feathers, portals beyond time will appear.”

I’m going through every millimeter of my mind, to find the crumbs she wants me to recall. The feathers guide us to a smaller path that is further and further away from the inhabited world. When I do remember the details of the story that she wanted me to find, I act like I’m still looking for words. Just to let her tell me about it all over again. She is great at telling stories.

“Lovers like the two nereids you told me about, right?”

“Yes, exactly. Alcina and Kassiani who once were best friends, found out they were lovers instead. When they found out about their feelings for each other, they knew they couldn’t act on them, because their parents wouldn’t ever allow them to be together. So, they crossed a whole ocean, thus betraying their parents. After searching for weeks on end, they found someone who could transport them to a world they never heard anything about. It transformed their bodies into things they had only read about in books. A world where day and night were different things.”

“Like here?” I ask somewhat surprised.

“Yes, darling. They wandered through grasslands full of flowers until their feet felt like part of the roots of the hundreds of trees that were grounded there. They ran through the trees with only fireflies that shimmered above the paths they took without ever looking back.”

She eyes me with a certain expression on her face.

“They were happy there. They promised each other to care about each other no matter what. They would be the best of friends first. Nothing could stop them from finding joy in each other. Empathy and understanding. They found the In-Between, where everything was possible.”

“I’d do anything to end up like them.”

“If it were up to me… We would stay here for eternity. Time is different here. Guess how much time has already passed since we’ve arrived.”

“Just a few hours?” I joke.

“It could be days, weeks, or years if we’re not careful. When we look well enough, we’ll see stories appear that could take us places far away in just a matter of seconds.”

“As long as I’m with you, I’m content with anything. We could go knitting by the seaside, with the most modest of picnics. We could sing along with the birds while we’re riding horses in a valley between glorious mountains. We could just live in a cottage, drinking tea, while watching the stars from inside. There wouldn’t be any light pollution that could make them shine any less bright.” The simple act of walking with her to the train station every day was the highlight of my day. After exhausting hours of having classes, talking with her about absolutely everything was freeing.

We keep on walking. At times, she shows me the flowers she had always drawn in her sketchbook just before we would fall asleep. To touch them for real now feels like a dream. Just like a few moments later, she wraps her arms around me in a tight but warm embrace, just to start slow-dancing under the moon and the million stars.

We see magical creatures just disappearing in the bushes. Huge feline creatures, we can’t help but smile at.

She shows me the meadow she always daydreams about. I wonder how many times she’s been here before. How many times she just sat here and stared into the distance, meditating, like we’ve done several times. Just us being in nature, our thoughts drifting by like clouds and sometimes racing like a high-speed train: acknowledging them, but not dwelling on their temporary presence.

This field was the only place where she could find consolation and serenity. She told me ages ago that it was her safe haven, which she would only share with the person she would feel the most peaceful and comfortable with.

There’s a breeze. Just a few clouds are floating above our heads, forming once again a feline creature. This one is playing with yarn while another one watches them closely.

She’s avoiding my eyes. Like she is not sure what I will say or what I’m thinking. Being scared of startling her, I take her hand carefully in mine and when she looks up, I give her hand a little squeeze. She has tears in her eyes and when she sighs, every little tension that had been in her body is replaced with calm happiness. When she finds her words, the puzzle pieces are falling into place.

“I’d never thought I’d show this place to anyone, but I’m so thankful I can share this with you. Everyone has their In-Between. It has its own conditions. It’s a tiny world in someone’s mind that not many people get to see. It’s a vulnerable place. It’s a place where every single overwhelming emotion has been brought to, where they have been safe and welcome – even though it doesn’t feel like that at all,” she laughs. “I wanted to show you what it’s like to be in a fragment of my mind, just for a little while.”

“Thank you. Thank you for showing me this. Thank you for putting your trust in me.” It was me who looked at her feet now. “I really appreciate how you could just share these little pieces of your mind, how you let me see you, even proving your doubts and anxiety they have nothing to be scared of. I’m so proud of you, but the most important thing is that you can be proud of yourself. You’ve grown into this wonderful person. Not only by looking for ways you can improve yourself but just by accepting yourself a little bit more every single day. You’re amazing. Remember that.”

“May I give you a hug?” Tears are falling down her cheeks and she doesn’t try to wipe them away like she used to do.

“You don’t even have to ask.” Tears roll down my face as well, warming my heart again with delight and hope. We really could stay here until the end of time. I am honored to get to experience the place where her active mind is put to sleep... I already knew she was where I could go after having a rough day, where I could go when I would have the most exciting news. The home I always had been looking for unconsciously.

“This means a lot to me, you know that?” She pauses for a second and takes a deep breath before she says: “I really don’t want to ruin this moment, but it’s getting late. We should head back home. Before our bubble tea gets cold,” she gives me one of those smiles again.

“Yeah, we should definitely head back. Some warm bubble tea is waiting for us.” I take her hand and give her a quick kiss on top of it. With our hands intertwined, we walk back the way we came from. As we wander, I catch glimpses of fireflies and the catlike animal, whose name I later learn is Damiane. She tells me how she saw her in her dreams one day when she was four years old, and she had always been by her side ever since. It was her animal companion; she was sure of it. Just like cats were the animals she trusted the most. And at the same time, they trusted her as well.

Our walk to the end of the path feels like seconds. The sidewalk awaits us, and cold weather is greeting us in our well-covered bodies. I shiver while feeling the cold air touching my face, and I feel the familiar ground beneath my feet again. I feel the familiar weight of my body, my thoughts, and my heart again. Feeling the same as before, but somehow so much different than before. Feeling an even more connection with her, I cannot help but smile. A smile that I cannot hide, would never ever hide. A smile, knowing we’ll have many more adventures ahead of us, including traveling through each other’s In-Betweens.

THE END