Dorrie's Coming Roon!

“Well, we’re all agreed.”

“That’s fine by  me.”

“And you C?”

“The morra night?”

“Yes. Have you a problem with that?”

 “Aye! A dinna think, A can dae it the morra.”

“Hmmm! Why not, this time?”

“Well, a’ve got ma art class the morra night.”

“Art class C.? “

“Aye! It’s virtual - online ye know.”

“Of course! You couldn’t miss it, could you?”

“Naw, C. That art class of yours is second to none!”

“A’m glad youse understand. Ah really don’t want tae miss it. Besides Dorrie wad think somethin’ wis up and be roon here at the toot.”

“Well, she’d be right then, C. Something would be up. You’d be with us – B and I! Safe as houses.”

“Aye but..... .”

“For God’s sake! Will ye’ no listen tae yersel! Whit dis it matter if she comes roon.”

“You don’t know Dorrie. She aye likes to get her tuppence worth in. Can we no leave it tae Saturday night? She’s got her online yoga then an’ meetin’ wi’ her pals. A wee drink online.”

“Ok. Saturday night then.”

“Aye! That wad be fine.”

“Hey, you two – A., C..  Have youse forgotten a’m here? Forgotten that B. is after A. and before

C.! ”

“No of course not,”

“Naw. How could A forget ma best friend, B!”

“Best friend? Well, ye’ could’a fooled me. It sounded tae me like that was Dorrie.”

“Oh, don’t be silly, B! Ye’ know fine well Dorrie’s ma carer.”

“Well, ye’ could’a fooled me, the way ye’ve been goin’ on. Last week it was ‘DORRIE’s comin’ round wi ma shoppin’. The week before it wis ‘DORRIE’s gettin’ me fish and chips.” An’ noo’ it’s ‘DORRIE would be round here at the toot.’”

“Awwww! Don’t be like that. Ye’ know that’s not true. A’ want this tae work, just much as you. It’s jis’....”

“...Dorrie’s coming round. I don’t think YOU want to do this at all!”

“Ach, B. That’s no’ true.”

“Is!”

“Is not!”

“Is!”

“Will you two just listen to yourselfs. B.? C.? Stop it now.”

“Well A., I’m thinkin’ of doin’ it masel and fuck you two tae hell. A’m fed up waitin’.”

“NO!”

“NAW!”

“We agreed B. We do this together or not at all. No leaving anybody behind.”

“Aye! We agreed. All for one and one for all. Dinnae be so selfish.”

“All for one and one for all. Don’t make me laugh! An’ anyway, me selfish? I’m no the one dragging this oot! IT’S YOU Two! C CANNOT MAKE His MIND UP and A., YOU JUS’ PLAY ALONG!!!”

“Stop shoutin’. Will ye? Yer doin ma heid in,B. A canna tak this ony mair.”

“Aw right a’m sorry. Wee C his had enough. Oh, poor wee C.! Will ye’ get yersel the gither man! This is no aw aboot you! There’s us to be considered. Me and A.”

“We agreed! We agreed! We’d choose a time when we were ready and a’m no ready yit. There ye are, A’v said it.  A’m no ready. Are ye happy noo!”

“Don’t cry C. I know how you feel. I think about it all the time. What will happen after when its done. I wonder sometimes if its the right thing to do or if we should leave it. Leave things as they are. Continue as we are.”

“Jesus Christ! No you too! ‘Leave things as they are.’ ‘Continue as we are.’ ‘A’m no ready.’ Listen tae yersels! Are youse no a selfish pair a scunners!”

 “B, please! I know how you feel. I was only........”

“NO YOU DON’T! Don’t make me laugh. Your no sittiın’ on yer own day efter day. I havnae got a Dorrie to bring me fish an’ chips. I havnae got your stoicism A. A’v had it up to here. Ane day runs intae anither. The boy frae the Grocer’s comes once a week. Somebody from yon resiliance group drops ma prescription by the door every month. It’s always somebody different, waving at me through ma door. So, ye see I canna wait. A’m doing it now.”

“Naw, A’m away.”

“B. Don’t you dare. We promised. I’m away before you break your promise.”

“Huh! Look what I’m left with now! A bloody blank screen and nae sound. Well, I’ll teach that pair o’ scunners. I think I’ll have a wee dram on my own.”

****************

“Oh,C! Look,here comes B. I told you C.. He’d come back. Hello there B!”

“Hello!”

“Where’ve ye been? We were kinda feart for ye? Thought ye’d joined anither group an’ done it.”

“Naw. Ah jist sat here moapin’ drinkin’ Gin an got tae thinkin’ youse are no bad. So, a’m back.”

“Well, we’re glad you are,” said A.

“Yes we are an’ we hivnae done nothin’. We’ve been waitin’ fur ye an’ we’ve bee talkin’. We kent ye’d be back.”

“Naw ye didnae. Tell the truth.”

“Well, we hoped ye’d be back. That’s the truth. That’s why we waited.”

“Yes we did, but first I’ve a confession to make……”

“No, no! Youse don’t need to say anythin’. Ah had a chance tae dae a load a thinkin, when I wis dry when ma last bottle of gin finished last week. So, I had a lot a time ye ken. Youse two are ma best friends. An when I hear C. talkin’ aboot Dorrie, A’m just jealous. A know a shouldnot be. Youse’ve got a life outside of me. An’ A know A. your like me, yer on yer own. A find it hard tae say A’m sorry, but ye’ll know A am. Sorry that is.”

“Well, just stop right there. Don’t say any more. Let me finish what I started. I have a confession. You see, I’m not really on my own. My wife is in the next room every time we talk.”

“Oh.”

“A knaw. A got a big surprise tae. A. hid that right weel.”

“Mmm.”

“Are you there B.? Please, say you are? I am sorry.”

“Mmm.”

“B.talk tae us will ye.?”

“Mmm.”

“B.? Please! Allow me to explain, will you?”

“Aye!” said C. “It’s an awfy sad story. Ye’ll want tae greet. Ye will.”

“Think I need another drink. Damn! A’ve no got any. Och an empty glass will do for you. Well, A., here’s to you. Ye done it again.”

“What have I done again? For god’s sake man! What have I done again.”

“If you don’t know, A’m no tellin’!”

“Oooof! How ur we spposed tae ken if ye dinnae tell us.”

“Sssh! Sssh,C. It’s me. I wasn’t straight.”

“Bingo!”

“See, A knew ye knew.”

“I really am sorry B. but she’s not easy to talk about. She’s got dementia.”

“Oh, aye, A knew that  but you said she wis in a care home. Rose Manor park, you said.”

“I know what I said B. But with all the pandemic stuff I took her home. I wanted her here. I wanted to be sure...be sure that she was safe. But it didn’t work quite like that.....”

“Oh, aye an’ why wis that?”

“She...she..she’s been as safe as me. We’ve been shielding. No going out. No meeting family or freinds. Shopping left at the door. Prescriptions too. But..... but .........”

“Well, whit went wrong?”

“She.. she... took it hard not being in her routine. Not being in her familiar surroundings. They warned me but I didn’t listen. I just wanted her here with me. But she’s got worse. Not long now I don’t think. She’s stopped speaking. She doesn’t even know me now. She did before on good days that is , but now she doesn’t have any good days.”

“An, that’s it?”

 “I’m sorry, B.. I really am.” 

“For God’s sake B.. Huv ye no been listnin’!

A.jis telt ye, she was really bad.”

“But ye could’a telt me sooner. A’m no that bloody bad. A’d’ have understood.”

“I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. These calls are the only time I can really get away. Pretend nothing’s wrong. For an hour or two or how ever long we talk for, I am me. No problems. No Mary. Only me.”

“Is that ‘er name? Mary, I mean?”

“Yes. Mary. Such a lovely girl, when we met so long ago.”

“Ah know. It’s like that. June was a wee daffodil when we met. Warm, fresh and....”

“Daffodil?”

“Aye, she was dressed like wan. It was a fancy dress party. We were ten.”

“Aw A see.”

“Aye, she was pretty. A pulled ‘er pigtails and she chased me. Could ay gi’ as good as she got, could ma June.”

“A thought ye’ were on yer own B..”

“Hmm… well…I am that. Just me. June’s no been here for a while noo”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Me too.”

“Don’t be! Packed ‘er bags, and left 10 years gone.

Best thing she ever did. Good riddance I say. Better aff without. No naggin’. No comments aboot ma gin. No complaints aboot ma snorin’.” 

“Still. I’m sorry. It’s not easy being on your own. Especially at the moment.”

“Ye get used tae it.”

“Dae ye hear from her?”

“Naw, C. A’v no seen er since the day she walked oot the door.”

“Did youse have weans?”

“Your awfy nosey, aren’t ye?”

“A’m only askin for the sake of conversation.”

“Aye, right! Ye nosey bugger. But aye we had a daughter.”

“Dae ye no see her?”

“Naw! She’s doon in London. Married now. I’d no seen hide nor hair of her since her mother left, but she’s taen tae phoning me this wee while back.”

“An ye like that?”

“Whit is this? A bloody interrogation?”

“A wis only askin’,”

“YOU aye are! But yes A do. It breaks up ma week an’ she sends me wee parcels frae time to time.”

“Ooh, that’s nice? Whit kinda stuff? Clothes an’ stuff like that?”

“Naw. Wee sweetmeats. Hampers frae that Fortnum an’ Mason.”

“Oooh! Ya lucky bugger! That sounds nice.There’s nuthin’ like family. Ma Dorrie’s great.”

“Dorrie!”

“Dorrie, what ever do you mean?”

“Aye, Dorrie.”

“I thought she was your carer.”

“Aye, so she is, sort of, but she’s ma dochter too.”

“A thought ye weren’t married.”

“A’m no. Me an’ Jeannie never married. We were just really good friends an’ when Dorrie came alang..... weel we jis continued on the same. But we went on holiday the ‘gither an’ we ay spent Christmas the gither - the three of us you see.”

“So, noo it’s ma turn. Do you still see Jeannie?”

“Naw! Jeannie died last year. The covis.”

“Oh, A’m sorry tae hear that.”

“Me too. But at least you’ve got Dorrie and she does look after you.”

“Aye that she daes. A cannae complain. Daed you an’ Mary have weans?”

Eehh! Hmm.”

“A’m sorry. A didnae mean tae pry.”

“No, No. Your not prying. Your only asking. And no, we didn’t have children. We weren’t blessed.”

“So,it’s jist you an’ Mary. That must be awful hard. Dae ye no hiv any help?”

“We did before Mary went into the home. But now...nothing regular. Mary’s got a nephew  and  he and his wife help out. Then,I’ve got a right good neighbour who looks in from time to time.”

“THEY CAN DO THAT DURING LOCKDOON? We cannae dae that up here. Nicola  wad hiv wir guts for gatters!”

“Well, we formed a bubble with Joe and Etta. They live just a drive away. Then the neighbour’s really careful: she says she’s providing essential care. She’s a nurse you know.”

“At least ye’v got somebody tae help. It cannae be easy.”

“Well, that’s the only reason they let me take my Mary home. They tried to tell me she’d be safer with them than me.”

“Ye’re jokin’,”

“Naw! He’s no. Ma Rina, that’s ma daughter, she wis’ tellin’ me that her husband’s friend wanted tae take his mother home and they wouldna let him. They said she wis better off inside.”

“That’s crazy! Aw they old folk died in they hames! Whit happened to the old lady? Did he get her hame”

“Oh aye, he did that. In a box three months later!”

“Good God!”

“That’s why I wanted Mary home.”

“Ye were quite right. A’m glad ye stuck tae yer guns.”

“Yes…..well……I’ll never know what would have been best for her. This ruddy virus. All these ruddy lockdowns have been hell.”

“Someone’s phone is ringing.”

“Oh, that’s me. Jist a minute. Aye? Hullo. Oh, Dorrie, it’s you. Aye ye can come roon. No, a’v no had ma supper. Aye a wee cuppa tea an a slice a toast woud be nice. Okay. A’ll see ye. Bye. Guys a’ll need tae go ‘cos……”

“Dorrie’s coming roon!”